Being Humble vs Being Pretentious

[chriscool]

Be too humble and appear weak or be too pretentious and become too much of a target 'the bigger they are the harder they fall'.

At what point do you think allows us to grow at the fastest and most efficient rate? and what works best for you?

Personally, I am 35-45% along the line, leaning more to the humble side, things seem to be going quite well but I wondered if I could speed up this growth by showing more people or continue to secretly grow more powerful like a communist state haha?

[ssandra]

I don't do humble.

I can do what I can do, and I cannot do yet what I cannot do yet.

If people cannot handle that, it is their problem, not going to make it my problem.

[stanmrak]

I go with the humble; assuming that you are secure with your self image. There's nothing to be 'proud' of in this lifetime, IMO. You can enjoy accomplishment for its own sake, without having to show off for others or to reinforce your self-esteem. If you reach this level, you know you've arrived.

[Beingist]

I don't think real humility indicates weakness at all. Hence, option A for me.

[MariconesUnited]

I think there's a slant in the question posed. I would ask ''humility vs. self-confidence'' and I would answer that if you dig deeper there's no real contradiction.

Yep, I'm having my cake and I'm eating it too. Yummy yum!

[Agota]

I think that both fake humility and fake self-confidence are lame.

I also think that real humility and real self-confidence is the same thing

[raykilleen]

Originally Posted by chriscool

Be too humble and appear weak or be too pretentious and become too much of a target 'the bigger they are the harder they fall'.

At what point do you think allows us to grow at the fastest and most efficient rate? and what works best for you?

Personally, I am 35-45% along the line, leaning more to the humble side, things seem to be going quite well but I wondered if I could speed up this growth by showing more people or continue to secretly grow more powerful like a communist state haha?

This question leads me towards another question; Are not both acts of the human ego? Being Humble indicates one is fully aware of ego, allowing manipulation, whereas Being Pretentious indicates ignorance of minds filter, ego.

[SunnyDays]

I learned the hard way that a good mixture of being less arrogant and a little more humble makes you more receptive and understanding of whats going on in other peoples life... and I like it

[raykilleen]

Originally Posted by SunnyDays

I learned the hard way that a good mixture of being less arrogant and a little more humble makes you more receptive and understanding of whats going on in other peoples life... and I like it

Perhaps another way to state the same is; Awareness and understanding of one’s ego operating is helpful to human existence.

[nothuman]

From a POV of learning... allbeit being open, humility lends itself to that where as arrogance or pretention tends to want to protect its reality and overwhelm opposing viewpoints. My experience anyway.....

[ZephyrusX]

I'm not sure if the question can be so neatly divided into being one or the other. I can demonstrate what I am capable of without communicating in a way that excludes the other. I come from a very customer oriented background, and although there is a certain amount of expertise involved in what I am training for, the goal is to communicate in a way that passes on value to other people. If I fail to translate my skills in a way that passes on value to others, I fail at one of my underlying values, which is service. That doesn't mean that I cannot wield my large array of skills in public, but some how I don't think being pretentious is going to serve others very well. Why should I stop my self from being who I am - a information ninja! (I'm going to have the phrase stuck in my head ) - if I am going to wield my skills in a way that is accessible to my clients?

[RonSouther]

Originally Posted by ssandra

I don't do humble.

I can do what I can do, and I cannot do yet what I cannot do yet.

If people cannot handle that, it is their problem, not going to make it my problem.

Ditto!

Just be you and the resistance you face as others complain that you are not making them happy will force you to grow.

[RonSouther]

Originally Posted by raykilleen

This question leads me towards another question; Are not both acts of the human ego? Being Humble indicates one is fully aware of ego, allowing manipulation, whereas Being Pretentious indicates ignorance of minds filter, ego.

Yup.....ego is something we decide to display....so many ego combinations available....that your shopping for the right type of ego is cunning. Just be you.

My favorite quote on ego is....."an egoless man is neither arrogant nor humble, he is simply himself."

[reekah]

Everything in life is a balance. I think in many cultures, narcissism is seen as a vice.

[Prinie]

Be real. If you pretend to be humble you're still being egotistical. What is there to prove, you know?

[ButterflyWoman]

Pretentious means putting on a pretense, a facade, being fake. So, no, not recommended.

As for humility, it depends on what you mean by that. If you mean just ACTING all "shucks, darn, I'm not so special" when you don't really feel that way, that's pretentious, too. False humility is pretty off-putting.

[Angela]

Originally Posted by chriscool

At what point do you think allows us to grow at the fastest and most efficient rate? and what works best for you?

Personally, I am 35-45% along the line, leaning more to the humble side, things seem to be going quite well but I wondered if I could speed up this growth by showing more people or continue to secretly grow more powerful like a communist state haha?

How, exactly, does practicing being humble OR being pretentious help you grow? Grow in what way?

For me, I don't have that continuum at all - there is no line to move along. As I see it, both ways of being have to do with one's relationship to one's own importance, humble means downplaying one's importance, and pretentious means playing it up. And it has no real meaning for me to do either, because "how important I am" has no real meaning, that I can see.

What does that mean for you, "how important you are"? How do you know how important you are? Important to whom or what? How does downplaying that or playing it up support you?

[cacheborn]

Human personality is such a complex mix, I feel inadequate to label it and then follow the labels. One of the personalities that I have found very intriguing is that of Krishna. People still argue if he really existed. For religious people he is God, for atheists he is a fictional character who may or may not have existed. Either way, his personality is something worth studying and following.

He could be a wise councellor when guiding Arjuna in the war, he could put emotions aside when the need arose and he could be gentle when meeting a mother who lost her son in the war. There are many other roles which he played, reacting appropriately to every situation. That's why he is sometimes called the perfect man.

[BillyTheAdult]

Originally Posted by Angela

humble means downplaying one's importance

Humility means not pretending to be what you are not, and accepting what you are with grace. There is no need to downplay or inflate anything.

[Angela]

Thank you for the feedback, BillyTheAdult. I am using the following dictionary definition of the word, which is also how I interpret what the OP means when he says "being too humble or appearing weak," and answering in that context. But I understand how you might answer differently, based on the meaning you see.


Adjective:Having or showing a modest or low estimate of one's own importance.Verb:Lower (someone) in dignity or importance: "I knew he had humbled himself to ask for my help".Synonyms:adjective. modest - lowly - meek - submissive - unassuming - low
verb. humiliate - abase - mortify - lower - degrade - demean

[ZephyrusX]

Cachy, you already are the perfect man.

Originally Posted by cacheborn

He could be a wise councellor when guiding Arjuna in the war, he could put emotions aside when the need arose and he could be gentle when meeting a mother who lost her son in the war. There are many other roles which he played, reacting appropriately to every situation. That's why he is sometimes called the perfect man.

[MovingForward]

I was too proud in my youth and got knocked down, so now I am humble. I have learned many times I had no true understanding of things I felt pride in.

[cacheborn]

Originally Posted by ZephyrusX

Cachy, you already are the perfect man.

Why, thank you Zeph. *Scratches Zeph behind the ears*

[Criseyde]

Originally Posted by cacheborn

Human personality is such a complex mix, I feel inadequate to label it and then follow the labels. One of the personalities that I have found very intriguing is that of Krishna. People still argue if he really existed. For religious people he is God, for atheists he is a fictional character who may or may not have existed. Either way, his personality is something worth studying and following.

He could be a wise councellor when guiding Arjuna in the war, he could put emotions aside when the need arose and he could be gentle when meeting a mother who lost her son in the war. There are many other roles which he played, reacting appropriately to every situation. That's why he is sometimes called the perfect man.

I agree with you.

(For people who don't know Hindu mythology, my current avatar (tee hee) is Krishna and Radha. )

[ZephyrusX]

Which one is which? They both sort of look the same.

Originally Posted by Criseyde

I agree with you.

(For people who don't know Hindu mythology, my current avatar (tee hee) is Krishna and Radha. )

[Criseyde]

Originally Posted by ZephyrusX

Which one is which? They both sort of look the same.

Krishna is on your right, closer to the post. Radha is on the left.

[cacheborn]

Originally Posted by ZephyrusX

Which one is which? They both sort of look the same.

His signature is the peacock feather on his head and the flute.

[MariconesUnited]

Originally Posted by cacheborn

His signature is the peacock feather on his head and the flute.

Interesting. What do they mean?

[JDuff]

The bigger you want your feet to grow, the more humble you will be. For example, you may be internationally renowned in a certain area. However, if you plan to be legendary, you may be humble because you recognise how much further you have to go, and how you are not as great as many others.

If, however, you compare yourself to most people, or set the bar for achievement lower, then you are likely to be less humble, because you have gotten too big for your boots.

[MariconesUnited]

Originally Posted by JDuff

The bigger you want your feet to grow, the more humble you will be. For example, you may be internationally renowned in a certain area. However, if you plan to be legendary, you may be humble because you recognise how much further you have to go, and how you are not as great as many others.

If, however, you compare yourself to most people, or set the bar for achievement lower, then you are likely to be less humble, because you have gotten too big for your boots.

Interesting. I remember the Dalai Lama advocates setting oneself below everyone else, for that same reason. Also, because it puts one in a position of really listening to other, which is a wonderful gift.