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12-04-2011, 04:21 AM
| #1 (permalink) |
| Junior Member Join Date: Dec 2011
Posts: 22
 |  I think my husband is cheating on me, can anyone help?
it's only a hunch, i feel he is not telling the truth to me. Pays special attention to hide his mobile or the mobile is on silent. Also found some weird love texts and when i asked said it's just a friend. If so what's with the late nigh texts. Am i freaking out unnecessarily?? please assist |
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12-04-2011, 04:38 AM
| #2 (permalink) |
| Junior Member Join Date: Dec 2011 Location: Midwest
Posts: 12
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Obviously I don't know your situation, but I think that taking your phone with you everywhere/hiding it at all times around your wife is a red flag. My ex lived in another state and we had long distance relationship so I always paid attention to how he treated his phone when we were together. And the "love texts" from a friend? No way. Seems you don't know or feel comfortable with who sent them, so I would say they are suspicious. |
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12-04-2011, 05:15 AM
| #4 (permalink) | |
| Senior Member Join Date: Sep 2011 Location: Australia
Posts: 246
 | Quote:
I don't know if talking to him would get you closer to the truth seeing as most cheaters probably won't want to come clean. You're going to have to do a bit of detective work yourself if you want to uncover the truth. i would pay close attention to his reaction when you ask him questions. Never mind so much what he says, study his body language, his tone, his conduct etc. Trust in your instincts, you would know if he is behaving oddly. | |
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12-04-2011, 06:14 AM
| #6 (permalink) |
| Family Member Join Date: Jul 2007
Posts: 2,203
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I think the first and most important question is; does he have reason to cheat? How happy are you together? I ask because if one (and thus both) of you are unhappy, it doesn't matter whether he's cheating or not. Based just on the very basic information in the OP, I would say that your marriage is in trouble. If you don't even trust your husband enough to ask him what he's up to and believe his response, then I think that's a marriage-killing issue. Even if he's not unfaithful, the aura of suspicion can slowly kill all the good things you experience together. |
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12-06-2011, 08:22 PM
| #8 (permalink) | |
| Member Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 80
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Sounds shady to me. I'd go with your gut instinct. | |
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12-07-2011, 04:18 AM
| #9 (permalink) |
| Family Member Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 1,400
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First, before anything else, realize that he is not your property, that you are not his superior. Nor are you his property. You two are simply two people relating. A deep natural harmony is the true marriage, not the stuff at the altar. Vows don't mean anything unless that deep harmony is there and if it is, vows are not needed. The whole facade of marriage is an illusion and that illusion makes you feel like you have "rights" and those rights in effect turn him into your property. THAT alone is a love killer. If there is an affair, it also is just two people relating. And it is a symptom not the problem. The problem is in you two, not him. Something is missing between you two and its by nature. Something out of your control. If you try to possess him, to control him, to make him feel bad, you will be making your life worse. The best you can do is to let go and to allow freedom.....I am sure thats enough to make you gasp, but in that freedom you will be able to explore with him what is missing if he sees your mind is open to learning about what is working and not in your relating with him. FREEDOM IS THE ONLY PATH TO INTIMACY. If you want the max intimacy AVAILABLE with him then he must be totally free to live according to his heart. And he may be involved is a stupid fling and realize that he was just infatuated or he may have stumbled by chance onto a true love. If its a true love, there's no stopping it nor should you. If the two of you aren't the true match, then how can you love him and trap him in a relationship that his heart is not in. True love for him would set him free. Your true happiness won't come from his obedience to you. It will come from you being able to be happy alone. In that aloneness everyone around you is free to be themselves. When you are a free individual and you relate to another free individual that you are mutally and deeply attracted to, then and only then will you have a true marriage. You won't be separable. Let go and intimacy will follow. Find out what's real. Do not, do not, do not become a spy, a dictator, possessive, or jealous. Possessiveness and jealousy are your deal. Make them his deal and you will never have his love at any level. His life will be hell and he won't ever love the one trying to control him. This is a hard situation because the normal reflex is the absolutely wrong one. Clamp down and you will make him need to escape more than he is. This is your time to grow, not your time to control. Last edited by RonSouther; 12-07-2011 at 03:18 PM. |
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12-08-2011, 02:34 AM
| #12 (permalink) |
| Junior Member Join Date: Dec 2011
Posts: 22
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Thank you We have been married for 2.5yrs and have a 9month old daughter. We knew each other for 3yrs before marriage. I love him like crazy and vice versa but he is cheating on me The other night he went out to his friends place for drinking. Nothing new, he usually does that but comes home by 3am. That night I called him 3.30am thinking that he might be on the way but he said he is still at his friends place and will be leaving soon. I told him to come home asap, as the baby is troubling me a lot but he only returned at 7am and slept. I saw a bbm on his phone, sent by a girl(I inquired she is very hot model). It was a picture with a kiss. He went to India the very next day. I told him on the phone about the msg I saw. He confessed that he went out clubbing with her, they flirted a bit, but nothing happened and he dropped her home. I decided to leave him, but now he is sending me these msgs like ‘‘Im an inmature husband but I really love u. I m missin u n baby more than I had imagined! All I need is a chance to prove it. I want to win ur trust back. I hate myself for putting us in this situation.’’ What should I do now, I am so confused, I really love him but I can’t imagine him doing this to me This is not the first time, just after our wedding I came to know that he met his ex-girlfriend a day before our weddin.’ I forgive him that time, but this time I m so confused. Please advice He called me last night, after I told him, I will be leaving him. He was crying like a baby, and said he just wants me and baby in his life and no one else. He will never ever go out anywhere, not even to meet his friends, he will just stay at home. He will not be able to live without us. |
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12-08-2011, 02:59 AM
| #13 (permalink) | |
| Family Member Join Date: Jul 2007
Posts: 2,203
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It doesn't sound like he has the maturity to be a good husband or father yet. I think you're making a good move in separating from him, but it might not be necessary for you to divorce him. It would be unfair to entirely remove his daughter from his life, and it's possible that all he needs is time away from you to grow up and understand the mistakes that he's made. It sounds like you two do have a bond; he's just not ready to live up to it. Of course, he may never grow up, or you may outgrow him before he does. You'll have to make the judgment call there. You don't have to take what he did personally, though. He wasn't doing it to you, he was doing it because he's confused and suffering himself. You don't have a responsibility to tolerate him, but I think it's better for you if you try to understand his actions than it is to demonize them. | |
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12-08-2011, 11:23 AM
| #16 (permalink) | |
| Family Member Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 1,400
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12-13-2011, 04:26 AM
| #18 (permalink) |
| Junior Member Join Date: Dec 2011
Posts: 22
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He came to the house the other night and beat me up I don’t know what to do now He said I deserve it for the way I have been treating him lately and he told me if I do not take him back he will keep doing it because he loves me and wants me back I reported him to the police but since he has friends in high places, he was released even though he did not deny the charges. He tells his friends that I am crazy Now I realize that he never loved me from the beginning. He portrays himself as the perfect family man to the outside world and the hardworking man who does anything for his family, but it is not true. I have no money, no job. I'm a stay at home mother, I don't have any resources or family in this country and I don’t know what I should do next My friend Marcy is staying with us now but she can’t protect us from him |
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12-13-2011, 09:27 AM
| #19 (permalink) | |
| Family Member Join Date: Nov 2006
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12-19-2011, 03:17 PM
| #25 (permalink) | |
| Family Member Join Date: Nov 2006
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12-19-2011, 09:17 PM
| #27 (permalink) |
| Senior Member Join Date: Oct 2009 Location: USA
Posts: 614
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What a wonderful thing that Marcy and her husband took you in. I would not talk to him unless someone else is there with you. You will have to start working, or relocate to your family and/or work out an agreement with the wonderful family you are staying with. Now you can take care for yourself and the baby. You did a great thing in reaching out and taking back your power to stop him from hurting you. You're very Brave.
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12-20-2011, 04:45 PM
| #28 (permalink) |
| Junior Member Join Date: Dec 2011
Posts: 12
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Sorry, My words will be harsh but do try to learn and understand. You are not his boss. give him freedom. He is with you and you should cherish it. Your happiness should be your love that you love for him not he loves or not. There is nothing like cheating in my eyes. It simply happens. Try to give space to the one whom you love at least. The person who loves you will never leave you n if he leaves and cheats then he does not deserve your caring nature. Be happy for the love you do not for the other It's love. It should be unconditional dear. |
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12-20-2011, 05:07 PM
| #29 (permalink) | |
| Senior Member Join Date: Nov 2007
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12-20-2011, 05:18 PM
| #30 (permalink) | |
| Junior Member Join Date: Dec 2011
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