Inprisoned in my house, how to escape.

[point of no return]

I have decided to set a goal relating to social aspect of my life and I wonder if you could help me to define it.

I will tell you my story so you could picture the situation I’m in.

I have never been an outgoing person. I have always preferred to stay at home instead of going out. For the past 7 years I have only had one friend (I’m 25 now) and I know him from school from the age of 8. All the other people I rarely meet up with are either work colleagues or friends of my girlfriend, I cannot call them friends they are just people whom I know because of the circumstances. For the past 7 years (from the age of 18 since I parted from my family) I have not celebrated my birthday or New Year’s Eve choosing to stay at home instead of celebrating.

There was a time when I did not go out of the house (apart from going to work and supermarket of course, i.e. basic survival needs) for almost 5 months, it was an extreme case (at 23) Normally, not getting out of the house lasts for a month for me, then I manage to go out for a day or two, it can be a bar, restaurant, museum, exhibition, to the sea and so on, any venue really..... and then again back to normal me wasting my life at home.
By now you probably want to know the reasons why I am staying at home. Well, I will tell you what I think. Since I was a little kid I got used to a comfort of my own house. It is like my comfort zone if you know what I mean and I feel protected in this zone. My parents also encouraged me to stay inside as they were always with me, my mother was especially overprotective, so I guess I developed this habit of staying inside and I am doing it to this day. On top of that, these days you have got some much entertainment at home (Internet, TV, video games, mobile phone, music and so on) that for a person like me they become a very good excuse to keep staying in. Last but not least, I am quite shy person so I get a lot of anxiety meeting new people so it is really hard for me to push myself to get out there, to the outside world.

But the main part is, I would not be writing all this if I was ok with the way things are. Deep inside I always wanted to be an outgoing social person who has great friends, enjoys a company of others, who lives life to the fullest, you all know what I am talking about. But it never became a reality. So at this age I realize that I need to change this aspect of my life no matter what, I want to experience life, to have fun.

This takes you to the very beginning of my post. I have decided to set a goal to improve this area. I am aware of SMART goals system and really like it, plus I also know I need to start slowly, doing baby steps, otherwise I will fail like I’ve been doing all my life because I used to say “ok, from now on I am going out all the time”, usually after 2 or 3 outings I get so shocked and overwhelmed that I give up (and I start a new cycle of staying at home).

So what do you think if I start with a goal like this: “By 1st of January 2013 I am going out of the house at least once during a weekend (my days off work) for a minimum of 2 hours “. The key is obviously consistency, it does not matter if it is feeding a cat on the street, hiding in the bushes or going for a coffee, simply the habit of getting myself outside breaking a house comfort zone is the goal. What do you think of this, guys? I really need your suggestions here….

[JeanKitten]

I think that goal sounds doable and is realistic.

You have to transition into being social if you feel that overwhelmed a lot of the time. But I think if you keep that consistency, once a week will turn into twice and so on and so forth.

Let me know how it goes!

[Million Dollar Man]

That's a great idea... I like going out to see nature.
and bars... those are my favorite places overall.
But I hardly go out, I need to go out a little more..
but yes in time..
have a great day... And I believe you will reach your goal!

[ZephyrusX]

Why not tweak the goal a little and have it so that you are going out at least once a week with the intention of socializing?

[The Cloud]

Originally Posted by point of no return

So what do you think if I start with a goal like this: “By 1st of January 2013 I am going out of the house at least once during a weekend (my days off work) for a minimum of 2 hours “. The key is obviously consistency, it does not matter if it is feeding a cat on the street, hiding in the bushes or going for a coffee, simply the habit of getting myself outside breaking a house comfort zone is the goal.

Sounds good.

[point of no return]

Why not tweak the goal a little and have it so that you are going out at least once a week with the intention of socializing?

yeah, I was thinking of it as well, however, I feel that it sounds too big for me at the moment as anxiety will destroy me like before and I will end up stuck in my room for weeks. I strongly feel that the first step for me is simply getting out of the house which already sounds like a huge challenge, the next step of course is definitely socializing part. But first, out out out

[wanzulfikri]

Well the fact that you're posting in this forum shows that you actually had made the effort to socialize more.

I salute you and I pray for your success!

[ZephyrusX]

Ah, I see! Well, just do what feels right for you. I remember at some point in my life something as mundane as getting on the bus use to make me very anxious. It was a big step for me at the time.

Good luck!

Originally Posted by point of no return

yeah, I was thinking of it as well, however, I feel that it sounds too big for me at the moment as anxiety will destroy me like before and I will end up stuck in my room for weeks. I strongly feel that the first step for me is simply getting out of the house which already sounds like a huge challenge, the next step of course is definitely socializing part. But first, out out out