I can't appreciate men for being men

[DoggyLady]

Originally Posted by Albalida

In that, I read that your very definition of a man, is a collection of shallow stereotypes. Of course the real individual is going to be a mystery.

Men who have problems with managing money, who like shopping, and have artistic rather than athletic inclinations, are just as real as men who keep stock portfolios and follow sports. They all have their own sense of humor, or tragedy, things that excite them, and make them feel insecure, histories, families, likes and dislikes. All individual. These are traits of real men because these are traits of real people.

The impression I get from you, is more of an unwillingness to recognize the humanity of half the world's population, rather than an inability to do so. Your stereotypes are self-constructed limits, and if you really want a relationship then I think it's time to break them down.

your words bring tears to my eyes.

my fear of their mystery stops me from seeing them as persons.

my fear holds me back.

if i just allow myself to let down my guard, perhaps i will gain the chance to know them better.

[nistacular]

I'm sorry I can't hold in my laughter from that last comment LOL. Maybe it bears some truth too :P

But seriously, you don't have to let your guard down to everyone... but at the same time, you should get to the point where you're not scared to do so.

[meggarz]

I love men.

How can you not appreciate them?

[MessyJenny]

What is there to appreciate?

[GaryMichaels]

My wife has a hatred for most men apart from me which makes it somewhat difficult to have any of my male friends over to our house. The times where I have invited them in the past they were met with dirty looks and sarcasm and don’t want to come back. She doesn’t like me having male friends and prefers that I hang around with my best friend (who is one of her best friends too) and the rest of her female friends. She is afraid they are going to be a bad influence on me and has stated it very vocally that if I hang around with too many males I will turn into an ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥.

This perspective is due her experiences with males and her mother. When she was nineteen she was raped and she was in a few bad relationships before this where she was physically abused. She can’t appreciate the male being and doesn’t want to. She often tells me most men are bastards, they only think with their dicks, they can’t keep it in their pants, it is in their nature to be ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥, they are control freaks, they secretly want to all hit women, they are incapable of thinking for themselves and need a mummy, they are only good as punching bags and a ton of other insults.

It does make me feel uncomfortable when she says these things sometimes but she always makes an effort to say that I am an exception and none of those things apply to me. Most of these statements come from her Mother who has a hatred for men too. She decided she would rather spend the rest of her life alone than to date another man after her husband cheated on her with a younger woman because she didn’t trust them. My wife had problems with her father too and while she may have moved with him to New South Wales it was mainly to get away from her controlling Mother.

He has a drinking problem and she usually received phone calls to pick him up and take him home on the nights where he had passed out drunk at a party or was carrying on silly. It was embarrassing for my wife and I went with her a few times to help. It didn’t help that he was bringing home women half his age that were trying to further their careers or when he started dating her best friend. All of these problems contributed to Hailey’s hatred of men (and alcohol) and it’s understandable. She is currently seeing a therapist but I doubt anything will change her view of men.

My best friend is a lesbian and has the same perspective of males but due to other reasons. When it comes down to it I think the view you have is not uncommon. I know plenty of women apart from my wife, her Mother and my best friend that dislike most males for good reasons.

[Agota]

I think that many people who have problems with either men or women usually tend to associate the whole gender with immature expression of masculinity and femininity (think dumb sex obsessed macho or stupid shallow bimbo). There's more than that, though.

Would you really have problems in finding what to appreciate in a man who is masculine in a mature way, which usually mean that he's strong, has integrity, compassion, courage and a clear sense of purpose? That doesn't sound that bad, huh?

P.S. Men like that can feel free to PM me

[Agota]

Originally Posted by Jillfisher

Your wife is a very smart gal

These are not healthy or smart attitudes to have, Jill..

[Indiana]

Originally Posted by GaryMichaels

She can’t appreciate the male being and doesn’t want to. She often tells me most men are bastards, they only think with their dicks, they can’t keep it in their pants, it is in their nature to be ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥, they are control freaks, they secretly want to all hit women, they are incapable of thinking for themselves and need a mummy, they are only good as punching bags and a ton of other insults.

It does make me feel uncomfortable when she says these things sometimes but she always makes an effort to say that I am an exception and none of those things apply to me.

Wow... this seems like an incredibly negative situation, both for you and her. Imagine if she felt that way about lesbians, and often voiced the opinion - in front of your best friend - that lesbians are unnatural and disgusting and wannabe-men, that they don't know how to be proper women, that they are sluts who aren't cut out for being good wives, that they need a daddy to tell them how to be a real woman, and that they're good for nothing but being raped by guys. And then she'd say to your best friend 'Well, not YOU of course. But all other lesbians.'

Would you stand for that? Would you expect your friend to?

[Agota]

Originally Posted by Indiana

Wow... this seems like an incredibly negative situation, both for you and her. Imagine if she felt that way about lesbians, and often voiced the opinion - in front of your best friend - that lesbians are unnatural and disgusting and wannabe-men, that they don't know how to be proper women, that they are sluts who aren't cut out for being good wives, that they need a daddy to tell them how to be a real woman, and that they're good for nothing but being raped by guys. And then she'd say to your best friend 'Well, not YOU of course. But all other lesbians.'

Would you stand for that? Would you expect your friend to?

The lesbian example is rather harsh, but it has a point.

That should be really challenging for you..

[GaryMichaels]

Originally Posted by Indiana

Wow... this seems like an incredibly negative situation, both for you and her. Imagine if she felt that way about lesbians, and often voiced the opinion - in front of your best friend - that lesbians are unnatural and disgusting and wannabe-men, that they don't know how to be proper women, that they are sluts who aren't cut out for being good wives, that they need a daddy to tell them how to be a real woman, and that they're good for nothing but being raped by guys. And then she'd say to your best friend 'Well, not YOU of course. But all other lesbians.'

Would you stand for that? Would you expect your friend to?

In a way, it’s not as bad as it sounds. There are some men that Hailey gets along with as I mentioned but there is a certain type that she despises and I think she just needs to separate the two. There are men that are bastards in this world and there are women that are bitches too but they don’t speak for the whole gender. I’ve met a lot of women with similar views over the years and I guess that says something about a few of the blokes in our country so I will agree with her in some cases.

Hailey doesn’t have a problem with lesbians. She actually considered becoming one for a few years and even tried to have sex with my best friend before I met her but it grossed her out and she told me she vomited and went home and had a long shower. My best friend and her girlfriend have been friends with Hailey since she moved to New South Wales and I met them both at college. My wife just has very strong opinions on a number of subjects such as men, porn, rap etc.

On another note my wife often calls my best friend a slut, ♥♥♥♥♥, whore, bimbo, fluizy, tart and she calls her one back and they get into fights but they are only playing around. lol

[bodi]

Originally Posted by Agota

I think that many people who have problems with either men or women usually tend to associate the whole gender with immature expression of masculinity and femininity (think dumb sex obsessed macho or stupid shallow bimbo). There's more than that, though.

Would you really have problems in finding what to appreciate in a man who is masculine in a mature way, which usually mean that he's strong, has integrity, compassion, courage and a clear sense of purpose? That doesn't sound that bad, huh?

P.S. Men like that can feel free to PM me

I wish that for you! I hope you find it...

[DoggyLady]

i've been writing in my diary every day, something to appreciate abt men.

i discover that men are simpler than women. they can be more straightforward. they are more neutral in the way they see things. i do not have to fear them scheming against me.

they are not bitchy. nor petty.

they do a lot of acts of service.

they admnire us women for being beautiful and gentle.

they are determined and functions wonderfully and consistently by not giving in to their emotions.

[MariconesUnited]

Originally Posted by Angelique

You mean to tell me you can't find reasons to appreciate half of the world's population?

Seriously?

Originally Posted by Ceoarob

having a dick

Originally Posted by bodi

maybe you just need to be licked really really well

Originally Posted by Ceoarob

hahahahahah

hahahahahah omg. Post of the year

Hi everyone! This is a PD forum. We don't need these types of posts.

To Angelique: That's what she means, yes. I don't really see what's so hard to understand. I've gone through phases where I hated the whole of humanity myself. You should try more empathy.

DoggyLady...As you said I think it stems from your lack of positive male role models in your youth. I suffer from the same problem. As an adult, I'm accumulating the bad experiences with men. So much so that I'm reconsidering being intimate with women. There's some truth to the stereotypes that go around. You need to find the right balance regarding trust. Not too much not too little.

I think you just need to find the right guy for you. Maybe he's too subtle, but BillyTheAdult is hitting on you

[Perspective]

Originally Posted by DoggyLady

i've been writing in my diary every day, something to appreciate abt men.

i discover that men are simpler than women. they can be more straightforward. they are more neutral in the way they see things. i do not have to fear them scheming against me.

they are not bitchy. nor petty.

they do a lot of acts of service.

they admnire us women for being beautiful and gentle.

they are determined and functions wonderfully and consistently by not giving in to their emotions.

I agree with these!
I tend to trust men, as far as not stabbing me in the back & not gossiping about me or others.
Although they can sometimes be insensitive (compared to us women) - they also don't get offended as easily... generally.

[BillyTheAdult]

Originally Posted by MariconesUnited

Hi everyone! This is a PD forum. We don't need these types of posts.

Thank you. I can't believe no one pointed this out sooner.

[MessyJenny]

Originally Posted by GaryMichaels

In a way, it’s not as bad as it sounds. There are some men that Hailey gets along with as I mentioned but there is a certain type that she despises and I think she just needs to separate the two. There are men that are bastards in this world and there are women that are bitches too but they don’t speak for the whole gender. I’ve met a lot of women with similar views over the years and I guess that says something about a few of the blokes in our country so I will agree with her in some cases.

It’s not just in your country

Your wife has a right to feel the way she does and I agree with everything she said

I found out not long ago my husband who I thought I could trust was having an affair on me and when I broke up with him he couldn’t accept it so he attacked me twice.

I have marks on my body that I have to explain to my friends and my child and I have to get a job to provide for me and my child because I have no money.

I am living with my friend but I can’t rely on her forever

I hope you really are the exception your wife says you are because most men are bastards.

[Angelique]

Originally Posted by MariconesUnited

To Angelique: That's what she means, yes. I don't really see what's so hard to understand. I've gone through phases where I hated the whole of humanity myself. You should try more empathy.

Thank you for the suggestion.

I honestly don't believe she 'can't appreciate men'. I see her as powerful enough to come up with her own reasons or to adopt a new perspective, so I challenge the idea that she can't.

(Sorry to speak about you in third person, DoggyLady.)

[cacheborn]

Guys, this is supposed to be a forum for smart people. Let us keep the discussion mature and intelligent. I have deleted the irrelevant replies.

[supertom]

Is there any men whom you do admire? even in the area of historical figures, surely there must be at least one.

[DoggyLady]

Originally Posted by supertom

Is there any men whom you do admire? even in the area of historical figures, surely there must be at least one.

this is a hard question for me.

I can't think of any.

I think of Aragorn from Lord of the Rings, but it's a fictional charactoer.

i think of Josephn Gordon Lewitt from 500 days of summer, but it's more tha he's cute than admired.

[Moriarty]

Originally Posted by DoggyLady

this is a hard question for me.

I can't think of any.

I think of Aragorn from Lord of the Rings, but it's a fictional charactoer.

i think of Josephn Gordon Lewitt from 500 days of summer, but it's more tha he's cute than admired.

What happened to you that you have no confidence in the opposite sex?

[DoggyLady]

Originally Posted by Moriarty

What happened to you that you have no confidence in the opposite sex?

has it got to do with the primary male figure in my life....

my dad is always being brought down by my mom. she never appreciates him for anything and nags at him all day long. and when he wants to do something challenging and new, e.g. a business, instead of supporting him, she would react with a lot of fear, and scold him. when we are watching a tv show that shows extra martial affair, my mom would sternly warn my dad not to do anything like that, and threaten him, and she would gather the children's agreement to side with her.

I have never seem my mom respect my dad. and he tolerates this.

my dad's protective mechanism is to stonewall. sometimes he buries himself in his hobbies, but mom would complain about his hobbies.

Actually, he does a good job of bringing up the family financially speaking. but nobody has mentioned anything about him doing a good job of that. it is only when i was in adulthood and in hindsight that i figured this out.

i don't understand why my dad would want to live with all that nonsense from mom.

i used to think that dad was a saint for being able to withstand mom.

but now, i feel disappointed with him for not standing up for himself.

[Moriarty]

Originally Posted by DoggyLady

has it got to do with the primary male figure in my life....

my dad is always being brought down by my mom. she never appreciates him for anything and nags at him all day long. and when he wants to do something challenging and new, e.g. a business, instead of supporting him, she would react with a lot of fear, and scold him. when we are watching a tv show that shows extra martial affair, my mom would sternly warn my dad not to do anything like that, and threaten him, and she would gather the children's agreement to side with her.

I have never seem my mom respect my dad. and he tolerates this.

my dad's protective mechanism is to stonewall. sometimes he buries himself in his hobbies, but mom would complain about his hobbies.

Actually, he does a good job of bringing up the family financially speaking. but nobody has mentioned anything about him doing a good job of that. it is only when i was in adulthood and in hindsight that i figured this out.

i don't understand why my dad would want to live with all that nonsense from mom.

It does seem rather sad from your own perspective sweetie, but understand that your dad must really love your mother to have put up with her. There are weak in both sexes, but that doesn't mean that your meter is the measure for all individuals. There are so many brilliant and loving men out there who worship the ground their partner walks on. Please try to see your childhood for what it was and let it go. Move on to knowing it is how it is for you to learn from and become a way better stronger and more loving individual because of it. Your parents have done you a tremendous favour, if only you could see it that way.

[Gregooooo]

I don’t normally post on these forums but I view them from time to time and I wanted to make a few posts. The OP is a lesbian. I don’t want to offend you doggylady but any woman that doesn’t like men or has an extreme hatred for them is and it’s time for her and some of the other women on this thread to face the facts.

This post

Originally Posted by GaryMichaels

This perspective is due her experiences with males and her mother. When she was nineteen she was raped and she was in a few bad relationships before this where she was physically abused. She can’t appreciate the male being and doesn’t want to. She often tells me most men are bastards, they only think with their dicks, they can’t keep it in their pants, it is in their nature to be ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥, they are control freaks, they secretly want to all hit women, they are incapable of thinking for themselves and need a mummy, they are only good as punching bags and a ton of other insults

Originally Posted by MessyJenny

It’s not just in your country

Your wife has a right to feel the way she does and I agree with everything she said

I found out not long ago my husband who I thought I could trust was having an affair on me and when I broke up with him he couldn’t accept it so he attacked me twice.

I have marks on my body that I have to explain to my friends and my child and I have to get a job to provide for me and my child because I have no money.

I am living with my friend but I can’t rely on her forever

I hope you really are the exception your wife says you are because most men are bastards.

And this post should be removed from this forum. They are offensive to men and I was offended when I read them. If these posts were about women it would be different.

[DoggyLady]

Originally Posted by Moriarty

It does seem rather sad from your own perspective sweetie, but understand that your dad must really love your mother to have put up with her.

i dont believe that. i believe that he does not believe that he deserves better so he settled for her. today, if he decides to leave her, i would not object.

There are weak in both sexes, but that doesn't mean that your meter is the measure for all individuals. There are so many brilliant and loving men out there who worship the ground their partner walks on. Please try to see your childhood for what it was and let it go. Move on to knowing it is how it is for you to learn from and become a way better stronger and more loving individual because of it. Your parents have done you a tremendous favour, if only you could see it that way.

which is why i am now trying hard to appreciate men. i don't want to be like my mom. i want to be a woman who respects and loves her man.

[Gregooooo]

Originally Posted by DoggyLady

i dont believe that. i believe that he does not believe that he deserves better so he settled for her. today, if he decides to leave her, i would not object.



which is why i am now trying hard to appreciate men. i don't want to be like my mom. i want to be a woman who respects and loves her man.

You should not have to try to respect men. Women are put on this earth to respect and cherish men. It should came naturally.

[supertom]

Originally Posted by DoggyLady

this is a hard question for me.

I can't think of any.

I think of Aragorn from Lord of the Rings, but it's a fictional charactoer.

i think of Josephn Gordon Lewitt from 500 days of summer, but it's more tha he's cute than admired.

I like Aragorn also, I actually have him as "people who inspire me" on my facebook.

I also grew up not appreciating men more accurately hating them, I was lucky enough be recommended LOTR by my English teacher and it did change my life. The qualities of brotherhood, compassion and courage, made me realize what it means to be a man. I think its quite normal not to appreciate men since real ones are in very short supply, you actually might have never met any.

[DoggyLady]

Originally Posted by Gregooooo

I don’t normally post on these forums but I view them from time to time and I wanted to make a few posts. The OP is a lesbian. I don’t want to offend you doggylady but any woman that doesn’t like men or has an extreme hatred for them is and it’s time for her and some of the other women on this thread to face the facts.

no, i'm not a lesbian, to the dismay of my lesbian friend.

i'm attracted to men. i enjoy it when men give me attention. i find it strange when my lesbian friend tell me that i'm pretty, etc.

i repeat AGAIN, i dont hate men. I don't have any reason to hate men.

i have had male partners but i have difficulties in relating to them in my relationship with them.

what i want is to know how to appreciate my male partners better, relate to them better and learn to love them better.

[supertom]

Originally Posted by Gregooooo

You should not have to try to respect men. Women are put on this earth to respect and cherish men. It should came naturally.

and what were men put on Earth to do

[Gregooooo]

Originally Posted by DoggyLady

no, i'm not a lesbian, to the dismay of my lesbian friend.

i'm attracted to men. i enjoy it when men give me attention. i find it strange when my lesbian friend tell me that i'm pretty, etc.

i repeat AGAIN, i dont hate men. I don't have any reason to hate men.

i have had male partners but i have difficulties in relating to them in my relationship with them.

what i want is to know how to appreciate my male partners better, relate to them better and learn to love them better.

I am sorry then. There are some members on this thread that hate men though and it is wrong. We do not deserve disrespect.