Being too open

[FelineNostalgia]

Okay well this has really been bothering me for a while. I tell people things at the spur of the moment or maybe do nerdy things that I think nothing of at the time and then feel really embarrassed or guilty. You would probably think , why do you care, well I don't at the time at all. For example I told my flatmate that me and my boyfriend met on a fetish website, now I'm fine with telling you guys as you all are into all sorts . She isn't, she nearly starts praying at the thought of anal sex kinda thing. Also not fair on my boyfriend, WHATS WRONG WITH ME, I can't control my verbal diarrhea. Felling a little isolated with this seemingly silly problem

[BillyTheAdult]

Have you ever heard the saying "don't throw pearls before swine"

I don't really see being open as being a problem. It's almost a stereotype answer here, but perhaps the real problem not having friends who are more in line with your values and are less judgmental. No one is perfect and there is no reason you should feel compelled to live to someone else's standards. That being said, we all have to come into contact with people in our lives who perhaps it is wiser not to share these types of details with.

[Asten]

I have moments like that. Sometime in the last year, I stopped being able to filter my mouth as well. I'm suspicious that it has something to do with wanting to live more authentically.

This isn't a bad thing though, even though society may say it is. The people that aren't open and don't resonate with you will be filtered by your honesty. This is a good thing! You'll push away poor vibrational matches and pull in good ones (sounds kinda dirty ). Think of Steve--he talks about everything from polyamory to religion and pushes away a lot of people because of it, but those he doesn't like him all the more for it, because they're a better "match."

The fact your flatmate's bothered by the idea of a fetish website/anal sex... her problem. She is somehow threatened by the ideas, so it bothers her--otherwise it wouldn't phase her. If you buy into the idea that the world is our mirror--that the things that bother us about other people are actually reflections of issues within ourselves--she may wish that she could be more open and exploratory with her own sexuality.

So I say keep being open.

[wstein]

There is a huge difference between being open and telling all. Not all information is appropriate to all situations.

[CroMagna]

I think you do this because you are a loving person who wants to connect and feel accepted. Unfortunately, not everyone is as open minded and caring as the people you will come across here. I fear you'll only learn the hard way, when your "verbal diarrhea" leads to you feeling hurt and betrayed by someone you put your trust in.

[FelineNostalgia]

Originally Posted by BillyTheAdult

Have you ever heard the saying "don't throw pearls before swine"

I don't really see being open as being a problem. It's almost a stereotype answer here, but perhaps the real problem not having friends who are more in line with your values and are less judgmental. No one is perfect and there is no reason you should feel compelled to live to someone else's standards. That being said, we all have to come into contact with people in our lives who perhaps it is wiser not to share these types of details with.

Thanks, yeah I know what you mean. I tend to bump Into masses of people that I originally shouldn't share personal details with but there I go blah blah blahing.

Never heard that saying before but I like it.

Originally Posted by Asten

I have moments like that. Sometime in the last year, I stopped being able to filter my mouth as well. I'm suspicious that it has something to do with wanting to live more authentically.

This isn't a bad thing though, even though society may say it is. The people that aren't open and don't resonate with you will be filtered by your honesty. This is a good thing! You'll push away poor vibrational matches and pull in good ones (sounds kinda dirty ). Think of Steve--he talks about everything from polyamory to religion and pushes away a lot of people because of it, but those he doesn't like him all the more for it, because they're a better "match."

The fact your flatmate's bothered by the idea of a fetish website/anal sex... her problem. She is somehow threatened by the ideas, so it bothers her--otherwise it wouldn't phase her. If you buy into the idea that the world is our mirror--that the things that bother us about other people are actually reflections of issues within ourselves--she may wish that she could be more open and exploratory with her own sexuality.

So I say keep being open.

aha maybe it does, I can identify with that feeling. I think originally I feel no I should make a stand, why worry, objectively it means nothing. But I'm overwhelmed by the consequences to my actions like mass opinion being spread about me like wildfire, I wouldn't change it but it does leave you battling it out at times.

And I agree I try to make room for quality relationships , but it gets lonely more times than no.

Thanks , I don't think I could never not be open to some degree I'd implode.

Originally Posted by wstein

There is a huge difference between being open and telling all. Not all information is appropriate to all situations.

So how do I not tell all, I find it impossible to discipline myself. I don't think I would go as far as to tell all but then brings the argument again, what is telling all, what is saying too much. Should I edit myself for ignorant people?

Originally Posted by CroMagna

I think you do this because you are a loving person who wants to connect and feel accepted. Unfortunately, not everyone is as open minded and caring as the people you will come across here. I fear you'll only learn the hard way, when your "verbal diarrhea" leads to you feeling hurt and betrayed by someone you put your trust in.

Thank you.Ha that's happened a few times, . Sometimes I do just crave genuinely connecting with new people.

[Lynn 007]

I tell people things at the spur of the moment or maybe do nerdy things that I think nothing of at the time and then feel really embarrassed or guilty.

Oh yes, I have been there and know exactly what you're saying. The difference is I wouldn't be embarrassed or feel guility until others tried to make me feel that way. It got to a point where I would remind myself if I'm seeing this group of friends I can say this or if I'm with another group I can say this. I adjusted who I was depending on who I was with.

I solved the problem by "being myself". I try to be mindful and respectful of others around me but if I end up saying something they are uncomfortable with I never feel guilty as I speak from my heart.

[CLOCKWORKSC]

I have the same problem , I meet interesting guys. they find me attractive, they find me smart and all those positive stuff they like about a women ie: feminine, big boobs, classy bla bla bla... the problem is that they don't want to pursue anything after the first date. my last date, a week ago, I liked him so much he was so well endowed , we had an awesome chemistry, during the souper, he was proposing some activities that we could do together, im not sure what he had in mind, he pulled out a rubber ♥♥♥♥ and pasted it with lube , i loved him already, we had lots in common... even afterwards i walked like John Wayne , he even wanted to see me the next day.. WOW i thought , brilliant . well guess what... he sent me a chat message on facebook 2 days after to say that he's not ready!!! Did he run out of lube was my ass to big for him, ui always presumed it was tight
I stopped getting hurt at this, I know what I am worth, but it just sucks that this guy is not interested in me, only my ass, my analytical side said that, he was frightened by his own feelings toward me that night on our first date?!!! he backed off coz he saw that this will be developing quickly into a relationship... we are both divorced with 2 kids, we are both so careful this time around... so I think he felt that he might loose his freedom. I also thought that he might be playing this game of seduction .. he offered to use the same plastic ♥♥♥♥ on my friend but with no luibe ( ouch ) ... but I kind refused right away ( befriended him from facebook and msn) i didn't want to go down this road of friend ++!!! I need someone who know what he wanted to do with her and me together. I need a men who's not afraid to be with a strong women.
now, my lesson learned is that I have to keep the first dates short and sweet, I am an open book and I am not afraid to say what I want respectfully but very clear. My friend said that I am not a mistery and that men like the mistery and like to be hunting!!!!! what is this??? how can I let the men hunt me?lol. I am just being ME!!! should I change my self for a hunting opportunity??? what is this world??? any advise???