Book Recos on Channeling Sexual Energy - and 5 Day No-Porn Challenge

[moundweller]

Hi All,

I am starting on a 5-day no porn challenge, because I feel I need to channel my sexuality elsewhere.

I have an OK social life, meet nice women, and have enjoyed quite a few nice encounters over the past couple of years; however I still feel I am not channeling my energies in the right direction.

For one, although I regularly meet nice women and occasionally date them, the relationships don't seem to last very long - and I constantly find myself out there in the field. It doesn't help that I have a high sex drive, live in a city filled with beautiful women, and am often confused about what I really want out of relationships.

Though I know there are some deeper issues with commitment and understanding what I truly want, I think the low-hanging fruit is the daily porn session (albeit a short one) that takes my energies in a different direction than I really want.

I have been browsing for some books on the subject and haven't really found anything that fits the bill.

I've found books on cultivating Taoist sexual energy, but I really don't want to learn a whole new spiritual method. I just finished a yoga challenge, and am looking to start some Martial Arts soon, so a new spiritual method would be too much to take on.

I have a book by David Deida, but feel it is a quite fluffy. I really liked the book Fire in the Belly by Sam Keen, and would like something along those lines, but more focusing on actual exercises that can help me make use of my sexual energy and start to understand my sexual self better.

Does anyone have any suggestions?

Thanks.

[psionyx]

Congrats for deciding to go without for 5 days! Might I suggest that you make it longer? I'm personally on day 30 of my "no porn EVER" reboot, and I'm seeing some very positive results.

I strongly recommend spending some time with these two sites, for personal stories, good advice, and interesting science about porn and the brain.

Your Brain On Porn | Evolution has not prepared your brain for today's Internet porn.

Reuniting | Healing with Sexual Relationships

Make sure you also know what's involved in a true "reboot":

Tools For Change: Recovery from Porn Addiction | Your Brain On Porn

[moundweller]

Hey. Thanks so much for the resources. They seem really good. But I'd need a partner before I could try the Kareeza thing!

What are your thoughts on masturbation while doing a no-porn challenge. Would it be detrimental to masturbate to internal visualizations?

I am definitely going to try to make it beyond 5 days. I just wanted to start off with an achievable goal. If I can do that, then I'll extend it. With a challenge like this, 30 days at the outset seems monumental!

Thanks again psyonix!

[superfoodist]

I 100% agree with psionyx. I'm on day 33-35, I forget, but so far I'm feeling awesome, and I expect much more benefits still to come in the next few months. I would definitely extend it past 5 days. You should give it a 3-month trial of no porn, masturbation, or orgasm, to let your brain rewire itself.

It's worth it and will benefit every part of your life.

[psionyx]

Originally Posted by moundweller

Hey. Thanks so much for the resources. They seem really good. But I'd need a partner before I could try the Kareeza thing!

I hear you. At the moment I'm between partners, and I really want to give Karezza a try.

Originally Posted by moundweller

What are your thoughts on masturbation while doing a no-porn challenge. Would it be detrimental to masturbate to internal visualizations?

The whole idea is to rewire your brain toward healthy stimulation, which is with a real partner. That's why, if you read the forum posts there, the moderators really encourage the guys going through reboot to find girlfriends or even "snuggle buddies". Bonding behaviors and real affectionate touch can help speed up the process apparently. No surprise there, really.

On the opposite side, the anecdotal evidence points to a slowing down or even complete relapse if you masturbate (especially to porn). If your fantasies are simply flashbacks to porn imagery than you're slowing down the process. Thinking about a real girl would definitely be a better option. I'll admit I've been unable to resist some light touching, while fantasizing about a girl I know - but so far I've been able to control myself and not have a full orgasm. I'd like to keep it this way until at least the new year, which would be about 60 days in.

Originally Posted by moundweller

I am definitely going to try to make it beyond 5 days. I just wanted to start off with an achievable goal. If I can do that, then I'll extend it. With a challenge like this, 30 days at the outset seems monumental!

Good idea! How's it going so far?

Originally Posted by moundweller

Thanks again psyonix!

You're welcome!

Originally Posted by superfoodist

It's worth it and will benefit every part of your life.

Well said, and thanks for adding your voice! Great to hear that I've got a "team mate" on this forum! ;-)

[psionyx]

Just read this and thought it was worth posting:

Masturbation Myth: How to Overcome Addiction to Solo-Sex

[juridisch]

Last month I abstained for 3 weeks. I've never made it past the 3 week mark. After 3 weeks I was afraid my prostrate was going to explode so I gave myself some manual release. And now, 2 weeks later I'm back in my old pattern of masturbating. Have to start all over again.