I Find Repetitive Socializing an Irritant

[Spiderguy252]

I meet a person everyday at breakfast. The conversations are mostly non-existent over the food, but when they do happen they are typically dry and lack the life I have with people later in the day.

But as a sample, this is a guy I run into everyday, unlike the others whom I may or may not meet on a daily basis. As a result, I involuntarily start getting short and just a little peeved about talking to him every morning. And that shows in the talking.

Why does this happen? Is it a problem I should acknowledge? Is it probably because he isn't too good a talker/listener? Should I start thinking differently? What is going on here?

[SireneB]

So change it up! Ask a totally off the wall question (not offensive, but just unexpected). Make a funny face. See if you can change the dynamic of the interaction.

[AllTogetherNow]

it's not necessarily a 'problem' - it seems normal to me that when it's someone you see every single day, sometimes there's just nothing you feel like talking about. maybe your annoyance arises from feeling 'expected' to interact or make conversation, when sometimes you'd rather just not.

imho there's nothing wrong with just acknowledging a personal preference for staying quiet, if & when you feel like it.

[Solluna]

Sounds like you're a bit of an introvert. Most introverts can't deal with small talk and non engaging topics. If you feel the problem is coming across as rude....then suck it up so you don't hurt the other persons feelings. If you can't deal with it.... then I agree with AllTogetherNow ..... stay quiet and the other person will get the hint.

[Moriarty]

Perhaps your starting to realise you have nothing in common to talk about?

[Spiderguy252]

Originally Posted by Solluna

Sounds like you're a bit of an introvert. Most introverts can't deal with small talk and non engaging topics. If you feel the problem is coming across as rude....then suck it up so you don't hurt the other persons feelings. If you can't deal with it.... then I agree with AllTogetherNow ..... stay quiet and the other person will get the hint.

Bam. You might have nailed it right there.

And no, I don't want to stay one. Seems to be doing a lot more social harm than good tbh. So how do I go about changing?

[Solluna]

I don't think its so much about changing but rather going with the flow, be more easy going. Can you have reading material in front of you so the person gets the point if you don't want to engage? If you do want to engage maybe you can chat about what you are reading and therefore you can talk about something that interests you.

[AllTogetherNow]

distracting or evading (like with reading material), or framing it as a "problem" that needs "changing" - imho - doesn't address the concern, and could create an issue where none actually exists. I would consider myself an extrovert - but even within that, sometimes i don't feel like making smalltalk either - and that's perfectly valid.

it seems to me that all you want, is to exercise your own freedom of choice in the matter, and have said choice be respected -- as opposed to feeling behooved to 'comply' with some expectation that you 'must' always talk.

your brekkie companion likely has NO idea how you feel ..... so just communicate. simply say 'what is' ---> "good morning friend, don't feel like chatting today, thanks for understanding"..... and enjoy your eggs.

when you realize that you're at choice, (and p.s. you always are) you're automatically free to talk - or not - at any given moment as you wish. that alone can increase your own feelings of ease & freedom, and will create an open atmosphere for you to be more extroverted, or introverted, whichever you feel to be - at any given moment.

[FelineNostalgia]

Originally Posted by Moriarty

Perhaps your starting to realise you have nothing in common to talk about?

If you claim to be an introvert and you have nothing in common with the person that could get pretty annoying.

I know what you mean though, I get roped into conversations like this a lot and sometimes when I prefer a short conclusive smile and walk on I find myself having a long polite conversation about weather and a snippet of the other persons life, I feel myself boil up inside and consider peeling my skin off for entertainment.

But it does take two to tango, I should start farting when this happens or something.

[Spiderguy252]

Originally Posted by AllTogetherNow

when you realize that you're at choice, (and p.s. you always are) you're automatically free to talk - or not - at any given moment as you wish. that alone can increase your own feelings of ease & freedom, and will create an open atmosphere for you to be more extroverted, or introverted, whichever you feel to be - at any given moment.

Solid advise, this. Thanks.

[Apresto]

I consider myself an introvert, too. And have always admired people who do small talk as easily as breathing. This was very interesting why I couldn't do it and mostly why I couldn't feel like doing it. After some time it was quite easy to start talking however painful it was and however awkward it seemed at first. But despite the countless failures now it's something that I consider to have mastered as it became something that interested me.

Maybe the reason small talk started interesting me was that in those chit-chats people can be very honest and you can view their style of living in a pure and natural way - something like a short movie - if you manage to grasp the most important, you've got the whole point. Cheers

[Jasonanthony]

Originally Posted by AllTogetherNow

it's not necessarily a 'problem' - it seems normal to me that when it's someone you see every single day, sometimes there's just nothing you feel like talking about. maybe your annoyance arises from feeling 'expected' to interact or make conversation, when sometimes you'd rather just not.

imho there's nothing wrong with just acknowledging a personal preference for staying quiet, if & when you feel like it.

This sounds accurate to me. I often get irritated and stressed over social situations because of the fact that most people expect you to actively partake in social situations, whether you want to or not. I am a natural introvert, who struggled (and still do) with shyness and social anxiety since my teenage years. For me, socializing, for the most part, is a "fake" event whereby I have to push my "on" button and pretend to enjoy whatever social situation that I am in. I am learning to accept this feeling of phoniness as the price that I, as a natural introvert/shy person, has to pay for partaking in the social game of society. Trying to think of something to say, trying to pick a good topic, pretending to be interested in whatever the other person is saying -- these are all things that I do on a regular basis. And it's done more for the person(s) that I am with than for myself. I don't want to be thought of as being an ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ or a jerk so I do what is expect of people in social situations. Basically, I conform. When I do this, I feel phony as heck, but I still do it. I've learned that honesty and truthfulness, at least in superficial social situations, are not always needed or expected. If I were totally honest, I would either sit there and not say anything (because most of the time I have nothing to say) or I would say how boring or mundane a particular topic is and, presumably, hurt the other person(s) feelings and be seen as a jerk.