how to be more comfy with guys?

[DoggyLady]

i can't flirt with guys. i can't take it when they try to flirt with me. i would feel embarassed and self conscious. i'm shy and i can't be myself with guys.

sometimes i pretend to be confident and i pretend to be extroverted sometimes. but often, i'm very quiet and deep person, by default, until an extroverted person disarms me up to make me chatty.

i'm actually a busy and active person. i love social gatherings, community clubs etc. it's just that i dont feel comfy if a guy has more than platonic attention to me, or flirt with me.

What can I do to be more comfortable with guys ?

[CroMagna]

This is my specialty as I'm most comfy with guys. Can you please describe these guys?
How do you perceive them?

[Angelique]

You could take up salsa dancing (or any sensual partner dance). That's what has been working for me.

[tomtomtom]

just remember the guy in not always comfey either, you are both in the same position. Its hard to act yourself if somebody maybe sexuall attracted to you, but you are are actually acting like yourself, just go with the flow, idk if you are trying to get a guy but being nervous can be cute. If a guys likes you he will stick with it and you stick with it, then after a while you will feel more free to act yourself. no worries mate

[DoggyLady]

Originally Posted by CroMagna

This is my specialty as I'm most comfy with guys. Can you please describe these guys?
How do you perceive them?

i am relaxed if i sense that a guy is not interested in me and being neutral.

say, at a social gathering, if i a guy tries to buy me a drink, i would think inside me, "oh wow, he is interested. i can't believe this!" but i would act cool, or i might act like super friendly, "oh wow, thanks for the drink!"

another thing is, i find that at social situations, i'm not a very attractive person, in terms of personality.

i'm not confident and i'm nervous. i'm afraid that they would find something wrong with me, see through my facade.

i notice also that i sometimes artificially use a lot of energy to force myself to focus on a person, then i feel like i can't hold it anymore, then i "psychologically" break the connection, and then withdraw myself inwards. i find it hard to "hold the attention"

i need someone to draw me out rather than me being the one to go out and talk to them. cos i cannot maintain it.

also, i feel that when someone interested in me, esp someone that i dunno well, i wonder if he can be trusted. is he a wolf in disguise ?

i'm looking for a guy who can protect me, because i'm a gentle and shy woman.

there are times, when i went out to social gatherings , and i felt that the guys who are interested in me cannot be trusted. they dunno how to be gentle with me.

and i also feel too self conscious in social situations unless there are stuff that interest me (singing, cards, rather than sit blankly over a dinner table).

sometimes i say to myself, if only they know, the amazing woman i really am beneath the exterior.

ironically, if i am the wonderful woman beneath the exterior, why do i fear that they would see that there's something wrong with me, when i'm talking with them. why am i so fearful in social situations, esp with guys ?

[The Cloud]

Originally Posted by DoggyLady

i am relaxed if i sense that a guy is not interested in me and being neutral.

Turn all your interactions into neutral interactions, especially the ones with attractive guys. Right now, you're letting the men decide whether a conversation is flirtatious. Once you learn how to be neutral with guys you'd be afraid not to flirt with, you'll have more control over your interactions, to the point where it will be you who decides whether or not to be flirtatious.