how do you become great at talking to others?

[lespauldude]

Stated in a few other ways: How do you become a great conversationalist? How do you always have something to say? How do you drive a conversation towards an interesting topic? How do you break the silence when you need to and create laughter?

However it's done, there must be a long process to getting better at it. So what steps can you take in a way that won't make you give up?

[brendannz]

Become a better listener is a good first step

[chrisrushton]

learn by doing. if you want to get better at talking to people, talk to more people. my personal favourite place to go and talk to people is nightclubs for three reasons. 1) There are lots of people 2) They won't remember you most likely which is good if you do weird stuff 3) It's very difficult to have a good conversation in a nightclub. If you can do it there you can do it anywhere.

Also try and meet people in day to day life. Join clubs and so on. If you get good at talking to people in night clubs you will own it when you're sat in more chilled environments.

[MovingForward]

I have to talk to a lot of people I don't always know at my job. I've had a career as a counselor, so getting peeple to talk to me is important.
I always keep in mind that I have something in common with the person I am speaking with and try to find that out and expand from there.
I have found...
People like to talk about themselves. They like to talk about things they are knowlegdable about. People enjoy finding a common ground to talk and share.
Compliments go a long way.
Ask questions, but don't be too intruding. Also, I try to always throw in a joke about myself to show I am not too proud or vain to make fun of my imperfections, this usually makes people laugh and feel more comfortable.

Oh and everyone is an expert on something, they have something to teach you if you ask and are interested.

[Clint Cora]

Do everything already mentioned but also just as important is to identify some people, friends, coworkers, relatives, who you consider to be really good at this skill. Then hang out with them a bit in social situations to observe what they are doing.

Reading about good points here on this forum is one thing but to actually see skills in action in real life is really something else that can really educate you.

[lespauldude]

Originally Posted by brendannz

Become a better listener is a good first step

i think you hit it on the nail, for me at least. i noticed listening is one of my weak points. if i were to change the question for my post, i'd ask about how to become a better listener.

sadly, often, i'm simply not interested in talking to others because i'm not interested in listening to begin with! how do i fix this? i was born an only child and the environment of being alone as i grew up influenced me to be the way i am today. how do i open up to the world and listen? i'm a very curious guy and love reading/researching things, but it's always done solo.

edit: the more i think about it, the more i see that i'm definitely not a good listener. poor eye contact, lack of interest, not smiling when i see others come talk to me, there's tons of indicators. i'll definitely open up if you ask about me, but i usually don't start the conversation that way. how sad.

[Angelique]

Originally Posted by lespauldude

i'm a very curious guy and love reading/researching things, but it's always done solo.

People are kind of like walking, talking, interactive books. They have a history, a plot, something to be discovered, and various motives. How could that not be interesting? Follow your curiosity.

P.S. - How to Win Friends & Influence People

[lespauldude]

Originally Posted by Angelique

People are kind of like walking, talking, interactive books. They have a history, a plot, something to be discovered, and various motives. How could that not be interesting? Follow your curiosity.

P.S. - How to Win Friends & Influence People

what if i like non-fiction? lol

but point taken. and plus everyone has some special talent/knowledge of the non-fiction type variety.

[lespauldude]

Originally Posted by Angelique

People are kind of like walking, talking, interactive books. They have a history, a plot, something to be discovered, and various motives. How could that not be interesting? Follow your curiosity.

P.S. - How to Win Friends & Influence People

read that book years ago. sadly, i haven't incorporated its teaching into my habits.

[Yanna]

Get a job in a restaurant, as a server or a bartender.
There's no environment where you talk to people more than here, customers but also colleagues. Because the work really isn't rocket science (though also not as easy and mindless as some people think) there's lots of room for conversation.

I've waitressed in so many places with so many awesome, crazy and horrible people. I used to be awkward but now I can talk to anyone about anything.

[Yanna]

Originally Posted by chrisrushton

3) It's very difficult to have a good conversation in a nightclub. If you can do it there you can do it anywhere.

Haha, I love this advice. It's so true. And it's a funny challenge you can set yourself.

[Angelique]

Originally Posted by lespauldude

what if i like non-fiction? lol

but point taken. and plus everyone has some special talent/knowledge of the non-fiction type variety.

Exactly. Then, there's plenty to learn or entertain you.

You could re-read the book again and put it into practice.

Good luck.