This girl in the gym. Need some advice please!!

[Covenant]

Hello. Just a little about myself before I talk about what I wanted. I was raised with my grandparents my whole life. My mom and biological father are divorced. The reason I'm with my grandparents was because she abused drugs like meth and heroin when I was still in her. My mom remarried someone that I call dad from the first day I met him he cried. I'm now 19 and currently a college student. My mom tries to keep in contact with me but the whole time she brags about how much she's moving down south in a few years and wants me to come with here. I say to myself, Im enrolled already and my grandparents depend on me to take care of them and the house. So she got mad and said the best education is down south. Then again, I say to myself, "Where the hell had you been my whole life and you expect my sympathy!?" I told her I don't no and she got mad and hung up. Also, I forgot to mention, due to her drug abuse, it made me slightly learning impaired. Which means I don't learn as fast as the other people and I have been through a lot in school. From getting weights put on my feet to being drugged up until I fall asleep and being dragged away from my academics so I can do there stupid programs.


So, enough about myself and to talk about what I intended. (Just so you know, I'm a virgin.) So, theres this girl in the gym that I go to that I really like and dont know how to come of it. I'm a very shy person and I get the butterflies and my heart starts racing and don't know what to do. Whenever she looks at me, I look down. As I was walking, I planned on going to the elliptical next to her, but when she looked at me, I got all nervous and moved 2 or 3 machines down. There's mirrors in the gym. So as my working with the dumbells, shes usually on the smith machine doing squats or in the area where u do abs and she's always looking at me in the mirror and I pretend to turn my head as I was to look behind me and my eyes always lock on with her eyes and then I start getting nervous and look down every time I pass her. Im usually at the gym the same time as her and do a lot of cardio. I know all the managers and a bunch of members at the PF I go to. Anyway, thanks guys!

[quiethumir]

Thanks for sharing your story. It sucks that your mom had to treat you that way.

Repeatedly looking down when other people look at you is a sign of low self-confidence/esteem. You're basically putting her on a pedestal, instead of seeing you and her as equals. I feel that you have a lot of issues to work through, and it doesn't happen overnight.

If you walked up to her and tried to chat with her and she blows you off, how would that make you feel?

[Covenant]

I have forgotten about my past and doesn't hurt me to this day.

About the gym, she has eyes like a hawk. She sees me before I see her. I just get nervous and all wierd. I talk to girls just fine. It's just those few that I feel wierd for. Know what I'm saying?

[quiethumir]

Originally Posted by Covenant

I have forgotten about my past and doesn't hurt me to this day.

About the gym, she has eyes like a hawk. She sees me before I see her. I just get nervous and all wierd. I talk to girls just fine. It's just those few that I feel wierd for. Know what I'm saying?

You can try this:

Destroy your Approach Anxiety - YouTube

[C33]

It sounds like this woman is attracted to you. Possibly, is she is the hawk-lady she will prey on you, just give her a little sign of encouragement so she can approach, if this is what you will feel most comfortable with.

Give her a reason to approach you, if you are too shy to do the approaching.

[The Cloud]

How do you think it will affect you if she rejects you?

[Covenant]

I don't know how it will feel. I never felt it before.

[The Cloud]

Originally Posted by Covenant

I don't know how it will feel. I never felt it before.

Then I'd say, at this point, it's important to ask her out as soon as you can. Waiting isn't going to bring you any insight or courage that you don't already have, it's just going to make you feel pained and awkward for longer. Keep that in the front of your mind; as you are now, no amount of time is going to improve your chances. Acting sooner won't make you more likely to fail, and acting later won't make you more likely to succeed. The only thing that will increase with time is the amount of stress you go through.

Next time you see her on the elliptical, get on one of them (preferably but not necessarily the one next to her), and when she finishes, ask her for her number. If you have a good date idea, that's the time to bring it up, but it's more important to get her number than it is to have everything planned to perfection.

[Covenant]

How can I do that if I don't even know her. She listens to music nonstop and is there before me and still there long after I'm gone.

[The Cloud]

Originally Posted by Covenant

How can I do that if I don't even know her. She listens to music nonstop and is there before me and still there long after I'm gone.

Guess you'll just have to tap her on the shoulder and introduce yourself. Ipods make things difficult for us guys, but you'll just have to bear it. Don't try to be polite or accommodating; your goal is to blatantly hit on her, so don't pretend you're doing anything else but interrupting her for selfish purposes.

If nothing else comes to mind, just say "I'm actually kind of embarrassed to be doing this, but I've been intending to ask you out for a while, so if you don't mind, I'd like to have your number." Honesty is your friend and ally here. If you're embarrassed, let her know that you're embarrassed. Don't try to act cool if you're not.

Say what you mean and how you feel, and don't try to hide anything. If she's your future wife, she's not going to mind. You don't have to be clever or make jokes or anything like that. You don't have to do anything but leave no doubt that you're asking for her number.

One last thing; make sure that if she refuses you, she does it directly. Don't let her get off with "I have a boyfriend" or "I'm not seeing anyone right now." If she doesn't say no, then keep asking. I say this because girls that hide behind indirect refusals will sometimes give you their number if you put them in the position of having to answer with a simple yes or no.

An attractive girl has to deal with a lot of guys, and just like it's hard to tell a homeless person that you don't want to give them money out of your wallet, it's hard to tell guys that you're not interested in them. A white lie is often an easy out (Sorry, I don't have any cash on me. Sorry, I'm not seeing anyone right now.). But if you're the guy that makes her say no without expecting her to feel guilt for it, just wanting an honest answer, then you might be a guy worth saying yes too.

[Calco]

Have you thought about why she's staring at you so much? It probably isn't because you had something stuck in your teeth everytime you went to the gym!

She probably feels just as anxious and nervous as you are and so she is trying to make eye-contact in order to see if you're interested. Or it's possible that she's a little oldschool and wants you to do all the running. Either way it's clear that she's interested.

Armed with this knowledge you shouldn't feel apprehensive about what she might say. Instead, you should feel empowered that you have a higher than normal chance of getting a positive reply to a proposition for a date.

Good luck and let us know how you get on!

[Covenant]

Originally Posted by The Cloud

I'm actually kind of embarrassed to be doing this, but I've been intending to ask you out for a while, so if you don't mind, I'd like to have your number.".

Don't you think that's a little subtle when I don't know her name and nor does she know mine?

[Covenant]

And nor have I spoken to her yet... Lol

[MariconesUnited]

Think of excuses to start up a conversation. If all the machines for a similar exercises are taken for example, take an interest in her machine. A little gesture to remove the earbuds...''Will you be long?'' (answer) '' Ok sure, no problem...think we can alternate?''

Or maybe there's a healthy food bar there? ''Get hungry'' at the same time she does. Does she use the water fountain?

And don't put too much pressure on yourself. Don't forget that you see her regularly. Just talking to her is a step forward.

[Covenant]

But she seems so focused on her workouts. Like on the stair master she seems real focused and going real hard and sweating profusely. So I don't know.

[Lethalmind]

If she's looking at you a lot that means she's choosing you(Meaning she likes you). Women don't give strong eye contact to men they don't like.

Step up and ask her if she wants to train with you.

[Jaxi]

if you are this nervous when she looks at you, I am a bit concerned how it will go when you approach her. The last thing you want to do is approach her to have a short convo to get her name and such, but not make good eye contact.

She is a girl. We don't bite. Just do something clever and sweet. Have your name on a sticky note folded up. When you see her on the eliptical, just walk up to it - and smile at her when she looks at you and place the folded sticky note up on the main dash area where you push the buttons. That way, you are leaving it in her hands to come up to you if she is interested (clearly by you doing this, you are showing her you would like to to know her name and talk to her)

I suggest the note for 2 reasons, one, it will keep you from being nervous and goign through the 'what should i say' situation, and 2, you are very much respecting her time in the gym. She sounds like a die hard work out person. I know when I workout, I don't want to talk to anyone and I am there for a purpose. It's my time and I concentrate even when I am on the cardio machines. So this way, you are merely being next to her machine for a second, placing something folded on the machine, look at her, smile and walk away.

The note can simply be:
"Hi, my name is xx" I find you very attractive and would like to know your name and chat with you briefly to get to know you some see if we get along. I don't want to bother you when you are working out, so when you see me next, feel free to say hi & introduce yourself. Have a great night."

Then the next time you both are at the gym, it's up to her if she wants to come up to you. You let her know your thoughts on this.

Oh, and Do this right before you leave, so you just immediately exit for the door.

To write the note this way, you aren't instantly asking for a date and you aren't putting her in a pressure situation. You need to see if you guys gel even for 1-2 minutes before you ask for a date! If a guy asked me for my number and asked me for a date before he even spent 5-10 minutes talking with him, i would think he is desperate or just not respectful ( I would think he just wants to get in my pants)

I am sure if she has been looking at you the way you describe it - she will be glad to tell you her name. She is probably waiting for you to make the 1st initial contact.

Let us know how it goes!

[Covenant]

Hey Jaxi. Thank you for that tip. But, she's usually there before me and usually off the elliptical/stair master by the time I'm about to leave and doing her abs. So I'll see how it goes and let you know. Are there any other suggestions that I can keep in mind?

[Covenant]

So Jaxi, how would this sound for a little note?:

Hello, my name is xx. I find you very attractive and thought I would make this so I don't interrupt your workout and ease my shyness a bit. Please feel free to talk to me when your not too busy because you seem very focused in your workouts and don't want to disturb you.


What you think? Will this be awkward at all because the people that work at the gym, know me very well and... Ya lol. Thx!

[Covenant]

Maybe I could use some of urs and add some of what I said? Or it would be too long?

[The Cloud]

Originally Posted by Covenant

Don't you think that's a little subtle when I don't know her name and nor does she know mine?

Well, you could say "Hi, I'm Covenant" first. You could also tell her why you're attracted to her, if it's fitting. Obviously you'll have to tailor your line for the situation and how you feel. Also, if what I suggest really feels wrong in a way that can't be explained by nerves, then maybe go with Jaxi's approach. I can't read the whole situation from here, and it's possible that the girl absolutely hates being approached in the gym or something like that.

I suggested boldness because that's the most complete way I know for getting the situation resolved. If you leave a note, then you have to wait, and that's assuming she ever approaches you at all. If she doesn't, then you just took the easy way out and still won't have any experience approaching or being approached by a girl. In my experience, things like this won't resolves themselves conveniently; if you want to be satisfied, you have to do the hard parts.

You could try a hybrid approach where you leave her a note saying you'd like to talk to her when she gets off whatever machine she's on. That way she won't be in pure, out-of-breath workout mode when you talk to her, but you'll still be able to be the one to do the approach. I still think it's better to just go for it when she gets off the elliptical, but that's only if she's not so worked up she can't think straight.

Originally Posted by Covenant

But she seems so focused on her workouts. Like on the stair master she seems real focused and going real hard and sweating profusely.

That's why I suggested getting her when she gets off the elliptical. Don't worry if it seems like you were just waiting to ambush her when you get off the elliptical at the same time, because that's how it should seem because that's what you were doing. It's good if she knows that you're not trying to hide it.

[Covenant]

K so what ur saying is don't do a note and just approach her when she's off the elliptical/stair master and just introduce my self?

[The Cloud]

Originally Posted by Covenant

K so what ur saying is don't do a note and just approach her when she's off the elliptical/stair master and just introduce my self?

What will you do if you give her a note and she never responds? If she was both interested in you and had the courage to go up to you, she would have already. That won't be a very satisfying feeling to be rejected that way, and you'd probably end up having to talk to her anyway just to confirm her feelings. Don't put burdens on her that you're unwilling to carry yourself, especially if she can just drop them right back on you.

If you do the note, do it because you really feel that just talking to her would be blatantly obnoxious. If the main reason for the note is that you're afraid to be blunt or a little inconvenient, I think you'll feel a lot better about your efforts if you approach and get her answer directly.

[Covenant]

Ok. What should I say? Cause I'd like to approach her tomorrow morning before she works out. Like to try and catch her in the parking lot.

[The Cloud]

Originally Posted by Covenant

Ok. What should I say? Cause I'd like to approach her tomorrow morning before she works out. Like to try and catch her in the parking lot.

Be careful about that. Your goal in asking her out is to increase your presence and the affect it has on her life. If you go in thinking you've got to be as unintrusive as possible, you're going to undermine everything you're trying to do. You'll end up trying to shrink yourself and won't be able to think of anything to say, all because you're trying not to make an impression on her life.

As for what to say, what are your feelings? Tell her those. What do you want? Tell her that. Are you trying to hide something? Let it out. A man who has nothing to hide can afford to be afraid, embarrassed, impolite, and insecure. Show her right off the bat that you're not the kind of guy that's going to keep things from her or trick her with white lies and pretty words.

All you really need to do to get her number is ask for it. If there's something she wants to know about you, tell her. If there's something you want to know about her, ask. Your goal isn't to get her number, but to ask her for it.

If you want things to be complicated, try to make her give you her number with jokes and plans and clever words. If you want them to be simple, ask her for it and let her give it to you. Let her do the work of liking you back; don't try to do it for her.

Edit: "Hi, I'm Covenant, and I want to go out with you." Everything hinges on that. If you can say that much, you've succeeded, everything else is just for fun. Your statement of intent is the only plan you need.

[Covenant]

Ok I got a frame of mind now. Let y'all no what happens!

[Million Dollar Man]

Well I think you need some self confidence. If you just go up to her and let her know I think things would work out. However.. you seem to get very nervous. I used to get nervous when I was younger.. but now I think no one can make me nervous.. well hardly.

But yes just get some confidence in your or have a drink before you say hello, then you might be able to get with her.

[Covenant]

She ended up coming in late. I'm like to myself, wtf... Lol guess theres tomorrow...

[The Cloud]

Originally Posted by Covenant

She ended up coming in late. I'm like to myself, wtf... Lol guess theres tomorrow...

Haha, I should have told you something like this would happen. That's the problem with having a planned approach; it always seems like something comes up to screw with you. It's the price you pay for not having the courage or the experience to be spontaneous. Don't sweat it, just keep your frame of mind. Remember, it may seem like waiting to you, but for her tomorrow is as good as today.

[Covenant]

Good news guys! I took my time today at the gym. She was before me this time and I waited until she was doing abs but it took me a bit to make my move. I kept walking passed her and going into the locker room and kept telling myself, u can do this. Quit being a ♥♥♥♥♥ and grow a pair of balls. So I did and I approached her. I said, "Hi. I thought I'd introduce myself. My name is (my name) and she said hers and then I said what I thought she said trying to correct her name and she corrected me and I said her name in a nice but firm voice and her eyes got big and she smiled. I shook her hand and nice to meet you. And then I asked, "I was wondering, do you happen to know of any good an excercises to feel the hard burn?" she said, "I saw u doing the abs on that machine. Next time, don't bend your legs and fully extend them up and down for 3 sets of 10." I'm like cool thank you. I really appreciate it. She's like, no worries, I get asked a lot for good an excercises. And then I stuck my hand out again and said it was a pleasure meeting you. She said it was nice meeting u 2. I went an did that an workout and then as I was leaving, I said that it was nice meeting you and hope you have a nice morning. And then I just walked away and left.

I feel like I got get wanting more which is a plus for me. So what u guys think about that approach? But let me tell u. She's such a nice girl. When she was speaking to me, it was in a nice kind soft voice. We went on for a minute talking about how she tried this program P90X and I asked her if she liked it and what not. She went on about if for a minute and then I said well nice talking to and shook hands and smiled at each other and I left.


Let me tell you, it feels real good. Felt so natural and there were no rejection signs but signs of wanting more. Thanks guys.