Detaching from emotional dependance

[Peterw]

I recently discovered that my relationship of 14 years has the power to make me extremely unhappy and unstable emotionally. I do not want to be that vulnerable to anything impermanent ever again although I do love my partner very much and we're planning to get married next year.

I do like the idea of happiness not being dependant on being in a relationship with another person or any attchment to anything impermanent. I also like the idea of being in a loving relationship and sharing the journey through life with someone who I truly feel is my soul mate.

I've read and listened to a lot of Ekhart Tolle and am finally beginning to be able to switch off from whatever may be troubling me by simply recognising that whatever it is means I am not present. Through practice I'm starting to make some headway with just switching off old feelings of doubt, jelousy, anger about the past and the compulsive circular negative self talk. I find it very liberating to be able to do this although I'm concerned about turning into an emotionless robot.

How does one balance 'spiritual independance' with being in a meaningful relationship and distancing oneself from ego/emotional pain but without making the other person feel like you couldn't care less?

[Ikkxs]

What have you been listening to from Tolle?

[Peterw]

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Entering-Now.../dp/1591790980

And been reading the books again. had a rough patch in the relationship that was starting to consume my whole life so I decided to do womehting about it.

I've read a bit about not becoming attached to anything impermanent and not being dependant on any person or object or situation, not just from Tolle but from Buddhism also.

[Ikkxs]

Originally Posted by Peterw

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Entering-Now.../dp/1591790980

And been reading the books again. had a rough patch in the relationship that was starting to consume my whole life so I decided to do womehting about it.

I've read a bit about not becoming attached to anything impermanent and not being dependant on any person or object or situation, not just from Tolle but from Buddhism also.

This sounds like the stuff I need right now. I bought the books from Tolle, but never read them. Because after breaking up with my girlfriend (her decision) I feel so dependent on her. I want her back but she doesn't want to come back from her decision. To avoid a depression I need to be able to let bad and negative thoughts go.

[The Cloud]

Originally Posted by Peterw

I find it very liberating to be able to do this although I'm concerned about turning into an emotionless robot.

If not having jealousy and guilt and anger makes you a robot, isn't that exactly what you'd want to become? Fear of being an unresponsive robot is probably another thing that you could apply Tolle to.

I think a large part of your problem is that much of human interaction is contingent upon the very emotions that you don't want to have, so to be free of those emotions, you have to be free of the interactions that rely on them. For example, if your partner is feeling insecure, there's no way you could continue to interact with her in a way that supports her insecurities. This may seem distant and emotionless, but it's the only way you'll find that sense of presence that Tolle talks about. Presence will replace whatever negative emotion that you used to think was necessary, if you make room for it.

[rawxstasy]

I'm not in a romantic relationship right now but I have observed my feelings during interactions with friends and family. I've been practicing present moment awareness for almost three years.

I notice that comments people make don't seem to bother me as much. I am not ruled by my emotions. This allows me to think more clearly about a situation and find a solution. I think the calmness I feel vibrates to other people and I have less conflict with others. I can also observe an ongoing conversation and interpret what is really going on. I feel like people are more loving and not "out to get me" which was my former mindset.

I actually feel that I feel my emotions more or maybe I'm just more aware of them. I was worried to that I would just become numb but that has not happened at all.

Hope that helps.