This girl is driving me nuts

[nistacular]

So I work with this one girl, who is my 'service leader'. We are both 19, working for City Year Detroit... anyway... she has a boyfriend, and because she's in a position of authority (well, sort of - service leader is below team leader, but above corps member, which is me...), we're not even allowed to 'fraternize', or be friends, let alone anything more than friends. But she has THE MOST flirtatious personality I've ever known.... we text a lot even, and she considers me her friend. It doesn't help that she's Russian, beautiful, talented (but I can keep up with her ), speaks like 6 languages. I seem to be the only one on our team of 10 that she attaches to that significantly.... but at the same time, she has to maintain her image, and so at work, which is 95% of where we see each other, she's mostly professional and treats everyone pretty equally.... I've been with her alone, and sometimes it just seems so obvious that we have some sort of connection. I've never felt quite this way about someone... Also I feel like she doesn't understand her own emotions very well, because sometimes she gets these facial expressions that to me are easy to read... but from what she says, it's like that's not what she's trying to express... like... she'll look like she's annoyed or flustered sometimes and it seems to obvious, but from what she'll say, and how she says it, it's as though she's perfectly fine. I think she's just trying to keep her distance, but maybe having a hard time doing so? Oh and, she only has these facial expressions around the group... with me, she's as happy as can be most of the time, like no joke. It seems obvious to me that she's a very emotional person as much as she tries to hide it... I know this because I'm a pretty emotional guy, and have struggled with hiding my emotions quite a lot throughout my life. And the way she flirts with me and texts me... and how I flirt right back... and how I can't have her... it's just so frustrating. She's even referred to her bf as just a friend around me... like why would she even bother to do that? I really really really like this girl, and it seems like she likes me, but we just can't do anything... there are a lot of semi-awkward moments at work because of this. Sometimes I even feel like the rest of our team suspects something.... but nope! Nothing is actually happening. Just a bunch of unspoken communication that doesn't establish anything. What do you think I should do? Try to forget about this girl because she's my service leader and has a boyfriend?

Sometimes it's so ridiculous I think our unspoken communication has gone as far as to say "okay we both like each other, but we're both just gonna get through this year not saying a word, because we really can't for the sake of our team/City Year". So I'm not sure... if I were to talk to her about it I honestly think it would make her very uncomfortable, because the expected thing is that we're no more than friends... and she knows I know about her bf. But yet I still feel really close to her and she acts like she's so damn close to me.... it's not only her I guess, I've been consciously trying to be close to her as well, because I really like her and want her to like me... but it's probably not going to go anywhere.

I've just never been this frustrated about a girl before... I wish I didn't like her as much as I do. Either that or wish she was single, and a regular team member. Right now we are pretty good friends, as I said. She even suggested we hang out, and not tell our team leader. WTF I might explode if we end up doing that and she continues to be this flirtatious. She's not your average girl either... she's kinda flirtatious with a number of people, but I appear to be the only one that she constantly seeks approval from. We trade these hilariously obvious looks with one another when at work too...

The whole thing actually tires me out, sometimes to such a degree that I'm worried she'll stop liking me if I act like a bum!

I was teaching her how to play chess and she couldn't stop laughing... she would read my face as she was moving to determine if it was a good move or not. She's like the most intuitive person I've known... I feel like she knows exactly what I'm thinking at all times, and I know what she's thinking most of the time, also being rather intuitive.

Help, please, this crush of mine is driving me absolutely crazy.

[rawxstasy]

from what she'll say, and how she says it, it's as though she's perfectly fine

This might be from her russian culture. I don't know. It's up to you. Maybe you should hang out with her since she suggested it. If it seems like the time is right, tell her how you feel. Just be aware that if she rejects you, it will make things at work uncomfortable for both of you.

She must not be that into her boyfriend if she's suggesting getting together.

My .02 cents.

[nistacular]

I'm definitely going to a wait at least a while longer before telling her how I feel for a couple reasons:
1 - getting rejected by this chick would suck
2 - would cause major team awkwardness
3 - I would honestly feel bad telling her, because her bf seems like a really nice guy (he's actually the maintenance guy for our apartment building... oh yeah, didn't mention, we both live in the same apartment building, making things even more interesting) and I don't want to mess anything up.

I see her and her bf walking to work almost every day, and I pass them on my bike. On the way back from work, same thing... and they both wave and say bye to me. They appear to have a decent relationship. I can't imagine this girl just dating some guy and not taking it seriously... she seems too emotional for that.

But at the same time, maybe you're right to some degree....? She suggested hanging out... but again nothing is established besides friends. And since I'm basically an open book, I feel like she knows me very well, which makes it even more painful for me... I often feel like I'm not good enough because this has been going on for so long. Bleh.

Thanks for the input

[frosting]

Without a doubt, enjoy the situation for what it's worth. A semi-boss to you, really likes you no doubt about it at least in friendly way, I almost want to say close friendship from how it sounds. Its a good spot to be in work wise. Maybe when you get a promotion and are the same level it may make things easier even just to be better friends. Maybe it is possible to transfer your job to a different location to become better, outside of work friends with her? If of course that's what you really want. Talk to her about being better friends first, not necessarily a relationship just yet as she does have a boyfriend.

If you can't transfer, well wouldn't hurt to stay friendly. If a better job opportunity comes around, and she ends up single who knows what may happen!

I would focus on being more light-hearted about it right now. As I mentioned, enjoying it but not trying to let it drive you nuts.