Dumped for silly reasons

[jaymac]

I was dating a wonderful woman this summer. She is a single mom of 4 kids (3 of which she has split custody with their dad) We got to know each other over 4 1/2 months and then dated for two. We developed a wonderful friendship and the dating relationship started off really well. She has had nothing but bad relationships in the past. Before we started dating she tried to convince me that we should date. When we finally did date, things were going great but she'd make comments like "I feel like you're settling" or about not having a great job. She always said how lucky she was to have a guy like me that treated her so much better than she has been in the past. We broke up after two months and to this day she can't let go of the fact that I didn't pay for her $3 ice cream treat and tells me that she felt I placed less value than $3 on her. There was also the fact that I was really busy the week before my daughter came home this summer. She now appears to be going back to an ex that she had serious trust issues with whom she caught lying with evidence right in front of him. What gives?

[frosting]

It sounds to me that woman has a whole lot of her own issues to work though when it comes to self worth and self-esteem. It doesn't sound like you did so much wrong, as she couldn't find enough value in herself to keep dating you. Better to let go and move on it sounds like.

[newkaren]

I agree with Frosting. Some people really do believe they deserve abuse.

Find someone who wants to be treated wonderful.

[rawxstasy]

Yes this woman is not ready for a healthy relationship. It has nothing to do with you. Anytime a partner is saying stuff like "you are settling" or "I don't deserve you" is a big red flag.

[GregD]

jaymac we are all pure, clean and honest at first and then things happen to us and we get more and more broken. Broken people have issues. Issues which a healthy person does not. The lady you described has a lot of issues consolidated over many years of bad things which happened to her and i doubt she is any more capable of having a regular healthy relationship.

And the above applies to everyone, just some people are less broken than others if they are able to handle bad things that happen to them either because they are strong or they had good family/friend support.

[wstein]

Ditto, sounds like she can't believe her good fortune. It’s pretty much impossible to have a successful relationship with someone who does not believe they can have one. As you tell the story, sounds like most of the damage is on her part.

Still, seems like there is a lesson for you here somewhere. You describe her as ‘wonderful’ but then describe her issues that caused your relationship to fail. Seems your assessment was overly optimistic.

[Curtis2011]

There's a saying, "Don't stick your dick in crazy."

I believe this woman probably qualifies under the umbrella of the "crazy" definition.

[Clint Cora]

Anybody who is going to make a big deal out of a $3 ice cream is somebody you want to avoid. Better that you only invested two months of dating her than say two years. Chalk this one up for experience and see if you can notice the red flags next time so that you can avoid similar people.

[ButterflyWoman]

I think you should back away slowly and shut the door quietly and then run like hell.

This woman clearly has major issues, not the least of which is she seems to believe she's worthless. The fact that she's never had a good relationship says a great deal about her and her world. Because she doesn't believe she deserves a decent relationship, and so any time she gets into one that looks like it might be pretty good, she backs out and goes back to old patterns, and in this case, her ex.

Be thankful that you dodged a bullet.

Originally Posted by Curtis2011

There's a saying, "Don't stick your dick in crazy."

I haven't heard that one. Making a note for future reference.

[C33]

For me the red flag is 4 kids, and all the mamma drama attached to being a single mom with shared custody of 3 kids + 1 extra kid with sole custody. You are a brave man!

I can't believe anyone would break up for an ice cream issue. There is something deeper at play. Maybe she's a gold digger, maybe she is just used to having men not being really nice to her.

In any case, she sounds very unhealthy emotionally, and the fact that she has 4 children to take care of, means that she she should have the incentive to get a grip for their sake.

People who can't get their ♥♥♥♥ together for the sake of their children, are less likely to get their ♥♥♥♥ together for the sake of a possible partner.

Sad, but true.

If you are invested in the family already, I could understand why it's difficult, as you might have grown attached to the children.

[Kait]

Originally Posted by jaymac

I was dating a wonderful woman this summer. She is a single mom of 4 kids (3 of which she has split custody with their dad) We got to know each other over 4 1/2 months and then dated for two. We developed a wonderful friendship and the dating relationship started off really well. She has had nothing but bad relationships in the past. Before we started dating she tried to convince me that we should date. When we finally did date, things were going great but she'd make comments like "I feel like you're settling" or about not having a great job. She always said how lucky she was to have a guy like me that treated her so much better than she has been in the past. We broke up after two months and to this day she can't let go of the fact that I didn't pay for her $3 ice cream treat and tells me that she felt I placed less value than $3 on her. There was also the fact that I was really busy the week before my daughter came home this summer. She now appears to be going back to an ex that she had serious trust issues with whom she caught lying with evidence right in front of him. What gives?

My thoughts at first is she doesn't have trust..She doesn't trust herself or a male companion. We all can assume here that she's the one with the problems...

However to have 4 children, at some point we have to learn what we've done wrong in our relationships...Is she that insecure? I doubt it... Or does she really have a huge amount of fear of rejection, so she cuts herself out of a good relationship?...It's possible....but I doubt it.
Is it fair to say she can't communicate well? Maybe...But I doubt it...

This could be true but that doesn't seem right...it makes me pause for a moment...uh... if I were a man (dating her) I would say, What happen here, because it was going great I thought....and now she's saying I'm not good enough for her...

I believe, when she started making these comments "to you" she was talking to her ex...they decided to get back together (without you knowing it) and to make you feel bad " she blamed it on a $3 dollar ice cream... "that was important to her?" ... I seriously doubt that..... My thoughts...She knew exactly what she was doing...

It was her way out...

[Moriarty]

Originally Posted by jaymac

I was dating a wonderful woman this summer. She is a single mom of 4 kids (3 of which she has split custody with their dad) We got to know each other over 4 1/2 months and then dated for two. We developed a wonderful friendship and the dating relationship started off really well. She has had nothing but bad relationships in the past. Before we started dating she tried to convince me that we should date. When we finally did date, things were going great but she'd make comments like "I feel like you're settling" or about not having a great job. She always said how lucky she was to have a guy like me that treated her so much better than she has been in the past. We broke up after two months and to this day she can't let go of the fact that I didn't pay for her $3 ice cream treat and tells me that she felt I placed less value than $3 on her. There was also the fact that I was really busy the week before my daughter came home this summer. She now appears to be going back to an ex that she had serious trust issues with whom she caught lying with evidence right in front of him. What gives?

I have only one thing to say to this....."thank your lucky stars you broke up with her!"