I dont want to start a family fight :)

[Kait]

Okay this is the problem I have...
First, I am a 43 yr old woman and I'm dating a 43 yr old man...
And this man and I "don't believe in marriage." We have dated for a year and three months...we both offically call each other boyfriend and girlfriend...

Here is the problem: My family insist on calling him MY FRIEND when he is introduced to outside people...(men or women) I really think this is rude and confusses everyone...How can my boyfriend and I handle this appropriately? I really don't want to start a big family disagreement. I just want to correctly inform people "they" have it wrong we are NOT just FRIENDS.

[tomtomtom]

First of all it doesent really matter what these people think. Second of all How often are they really interducting you two to people, cant imagine that happens alot considering your family sounds a little bonkers. Why wont they say that you guys are dating, why do they insist on friends, your 43 this makes little to no sense

[Kait]

Originally Posted by tomtomtom

First of all it doesent really matter what these people think. Second of all How often are they really interducting you two to people, cant imagine that happens alot considering your family sounds a little bonkers. Why wont they say that you guys are dating, why do they insist on friends, your 43 this makes little to no sense

Okay lets go for an example: I'm sitting with my boyfriend in a resturaunt with my Aunt and Uncle...I sing in this resturant. A man FRIEND approaches our table. "He says, to my boyfriend, man I could listen to her sing all day." My Aunt, then says, This is my niece's friend.. My boyfriend, then says, *in a relaxed state, (and just ignored her comment) " I have heard her sing for years. Then my Aunt says, (I bet, you could listen to her sing all night too.) to the MAN Friend that approaced our table. And this man I have only met 4 times in my life...but he is a fan and we talk about music.

I think, MY FAMILY doesn't take him serious. I think because WE don't want to get married we are NOT taking AS serious as a couple.

As for as my family being bonkers, I don't think that. I just think it's rude AND i NEED HELP with this behavior.

I do not believe it was my Aunts responsiblity to introduce anyone... I think, they dont like him...and that's why they do it.

[Eduard E]

Besides the fact you should present him as your boyfriend if that's what he is, I think you should also have a discussion with your family and let them know how this relationship is serious and you like how they just brush it off like that through the way they talk about your boyfriend. Quit avoiding conflicts. They won't kill you

[Clint Cora]

When you and your boyfriend appear in front of others as a loving couple, ie., in each other's arms, holding hands, kissing, etc., it will become quite clear to others that you are a couple, no matter how your relatives introduce him.

[Kait]

Originally Posted by Eduard E

Besides the fact you should present him as your boyfriend if that's what he is, I think you should also have a discussion with your family and let them know how this relationship is serious and you like how they just brush it off like that through the way they talk about your boyfriend. Quit avoiding conflicts. They won't kill you

Well they should know WE are pretty serious by NOW since it's been a year and three month....That is common sense. As for avoiding conflicts, you have to pick your battles and with my family (it can go a long time before we speak again and I'm talking years) and this behavior isn't normal either but it happens.

My boyfriend is aware of this and we did talk about it afterwards. I just think we both NEED a positive way to go about it.

[Kait]

Originally Posted by Clint Cora

When you and your boyfriend appear in front of others as a loving couple, ie., in each other's arms, holding hands, kissing, etc., it will become quite clear to others that you are a couple, no matter how your relatives introduce him.

I get this, but still the behavior they give is NOT appropriate.

[Clint Cora]

Originally Posted by Kait

I get this, but still the behavior they give is NOT appropriate.

You can try taking them aside and requesting that they introduce him the way you would want -- and I emphasize 'request' rather than demand. Tell them that it would mean a lot to you if they obliged.

If you go in with a non-threatening tone, hopefully they will honour your request. If they still do not, then they are clearly toxic relatives and you will have to decide for yourself whether it's better for your well being to spend less time and have less exposure to them or not. If people don't change, then it's your right to remove yourself from toxicity the best you can.

[Kait]

Originally Posted by Clint Cora

You can try taking them aside and requesting that they introduce him the way you would want -- and I emphasize 'request' rather than demand. Tell them that it would mean a lot to you if they obliged.

If you go in with a non-threatening tone, hopefully they will honour your request. If they still do not, then they are clearly toxic relatives and you will have to decide for yourself whether it's better for your well being to spend less time and have less exposure to them or not. If people don't change, then it's your right to remove yourself from toxicity the best you can.

Hi Clint,

My boyfriend and I have discussed this and we have decided that it doesn't matter what people do or how they say it... As long as we both know whats going on in our relationship. I didn't want them hurting him, which was my way of protecting him. But he said, I didnt have to protect him. He said, he knows how I feel about him and I know how he feels about me...and that's all that matters...he said, let people carry on...

I think what you've said here is the best way to go about it if I was going to do anything... thanks

[Clint Cora]

Originally Posted by Kait

Hi Clint,

My boyfriend and I have discussed this and we have decided that it doesn't matter what people do or how they say it... As long as we both know whats going on in our relationship. I didn't want them hurting him, which was my way of protecting him. But he said, I didnt have to protect him. He said, he knows how I feel about him and I know how he feels about me...and that's all that matters...he said, let people carry on...

I think what you've said here is the best way to go about it if I was going to do anything... thanks

You are more than welcome. Unfortunately, sometimes we have to make hard decisions on some of our relatives/friends. But that's life!

[Kait]

Originally Posted by Clint Cora

You are more than welcome. Unfortunately, sometimes we have to make hard decisions on some of our relatives/friends. But that's life!

Yes, Unfortunately, there is NO one that be a GREAT mate for me... lol not in their eyes. My family is a rough one to pass. I just think I've made my life MORE simple. And they think I have just settled (for the local redneck)....lol. I don't need the BIG house, the most exspensive car to drive..although I have a brand new car 2010... I'm okay with the one bedroom apartment.. I have had the house and all the responsiblity that goes with it...its way overwhelming...I guess they see me with a millioniar...lol..but don't need it...lol. I'm very laid back person. Anyway....thank you again