Loneliness poem

[Lauxa]

I went to a birthday party today with my daughter for one of the kids in her class. It was a great party, but it just made me feel more alone. I didn't know anyone there and didn't know how to connect. I've been feeling very lonely lately. Also, I'm supposed to be throwing a birthday party for my other daughter in a couple of weeks and I'm scared. Scared of having to interact with people I don't know, scared nobody will come, scared that people won't have a good time.

So tonight I came home and wrote this poem, in my mind it's a rap song. I know it's great to focus on the positive and all that, but somehow writing this felt like a huge release. And I wanted to share it, maybe it will touch someone else who is feeling the same way I am today.

I'm a social disaster
I lose friends faster
Than a pedophilic pastor
'Cause I'm stressed, depressed,
Overwound and underdressed
Alienated and hated -- it's overrated
I approach new peeps with my breath baited
But I'm rejected, dejected, unloved and disrespected
I see them all so tight
So I try with all my might
To find a friend I can depend on
But I just can't do it right
And it makes me wanta fight
RAGE and scream, beat at the machine
Trapped like a rat in this suburban dream
Though I flail and shout
No one comes to bail me out
So the system, I resist 'em,
And they sense that I have dissed 'em
I'm creepy, weepy, drained and always sleepy
Wanna kiss a train, put a bullet in my brain
Break away from the pain
Pick up some speed, knife my thighs until they bleed
Am I crazy or just lazy?
I'm feelin' kind of hazy
Discontiguous, ambiguous,
Don't wanna let it faze me

My best friends are imaginary
Found in books or on the TV
At least I know that they won't hurt me
But they leave me feeling empty

[ZephyrusX]

Thanks for sharing. I hope the birthday party you are planning for your daughter goes well.

[cacheborn]

I don't know if you have the time or inclination but if you do, please try and have a look at this. I have this in audio format and it works much better when you listen to it instead of reading.

Amazon.com: How to Talk to Anyone, Anytime, Anywhere: The Secrets of Good Communication (9780517884539): Larry King, Bill Gilbert: Books

Last week, I had to go out to meet some people and just like you I was feeling anxious. Then I listened to Larry's voice and the amazing tips, and things just fell right back into place. He is an amazing guy.

Good luck for the party. Do bring some leftover cake if you can.

[votoshka]

I like it! It certainly resonates with me. I understand just how you feel.

[Lauxa]

Thanks for reading, your kind responses brought a tear to my eye.

And thanks for the book recommendation cacheborn. I wish I could get the audio version downloadable and for less than $45, but the printed version is at the library so I'll make do with that for starters.