What do you gain from loving someone? (Romance Q&A)

[Traikan]

Building on the last thread I posted here, I'm curious how other folks look at loving someone else. That means it's pop quiz time! Answer as many or as few as you like as succinctly or as loquaciously as you like.

Could you be best friends with someone you love?

What's the distinction between friendship and romance?

Are friends and potential partners something you keep separate or are they fluid labels?

What do you enjoy more, giving love or receiving it?

How important is it that someone you love loves you back?

Do you like feeling someone's love is a thing you have earned?

If someone loves you unconditionally and immediately, does that make the love feel less genuine? How does that affect the way you feel about them?

What's more important to you, loving or being loved?

Do you want to love and be loved exclusively? Do you want that love to be exclusive in that your partner loves no one else, or exclusive because they love you for who you are and love others for who they are?

How would you feel about someone who loved you romantically but didn't need you to love them back?

What is the greatest benefit (or benefits, if you can't think of just one) you gain from loving someone romantically? What about from being loved? Do you need to have both or could you have one or the other?

Thanks in advance!

[Criseyde]

Originally Posted by Traikan

Could you be best friends with someone you love?

How could I not be?

What's the distinction between friendship and romance?

I don't want to jump my friends.

Are friends and potential partners something you keep separate or are they fluid labels?

Ummmm... I don't view all my preferred-gender friends as potential partners, if that's what you're getting at.

What do you enjoy more, giving love or receiving it?

I find both pleasing.

How important is it that someone you love loves you back?

Important in what sense?

Do you like feeling someone's love is a thing you have earned?

No. There's too much of a reward/punishment aspect to it. I'm not a dog or a child.

If someone loves you unconditionally and immediately, does that make the love feel less genuine? How does that affect the way you feel about them?

Um... I don't think I have experienced this. Except with family, maybe? And in that case, no, it doesn't.

What's more important to you, loving or being loved?

I can't control whether other people love me, so it's better for me to focus on loving.

Do you want to love and be loved exclusively? Do you want that love to be exclusive in that your partner loves no one else, or exclusive because they love you for who you are and love others for who they are?

I don't want to cut off anyone's love for anyone else.

How would you feel about someone who loved you romantically but didn't need you to love them back?

Just fine!

What is the greatest benefit (or benefits, if you can't think of just one) you gain from loving someone romantically? What about from being loved? Do you need to have both or could you have one or the other?

I think that this loving/being loved distinction doesn't matter much -- you're probably confusing love with need. In my experience, genuine love is never a one-way street. Whether or not the other person loves you in the same way is debatable, but if you really love someone without neediness, why would you worry about it?

I've never loved anyone who didn't love me. It's been mixed with a healthy dose of neediness sometimes, which has caused some reflection on the loving/being loved thing, but... whenever I actually get a grip, I realize that even when I thought the other person didn't love me, they actually did. I just couldn't see it, because I was looking for it in a certain way. Does that make sense?

What do you gain? I don't know -- I've never thought of it in those terms.

[Kait]

Originally Posted by Traikan

Building on the last thread I posted here, I'm curious how other folks look at loving someone else. That means it's pop quiz time! Answer as many or as few as you like as succinctly or as loquaciously as you like.

Could you be best friends with someone you love?Yes

What's the distinction between friendship and romance?To me, Romance means, candlelight and roses and intimacy. I think friendship is like going to lunch but it doesn't have candlelight that helps the mood.

Are friends and potential partners something you keep separate or are they fluid labels?I think friends can be potential partners. They have to know if they want to become lovers and take that risk. Some people do take risk and some people don't because they value more of the friendship. I would say, when a woman has had a buddy to talk to for many years...She maybe more scared to lose the friendship.

What do you enjoy more, giving love or receiving it? I would say this has to be an equal balance to be happy.

How important is it that someone you love loves you back?Very important, your not in the relationship to stand alone. It would be like going for a hug, and the other person doesnt hug you back.

Do you like feeling someone's love is a thing you have earned? Love is NOT something we earn. You get that naturally. IT is TRUST and RESPECT that we have to earned.

If someone loves you unconditionally and immediately, does that make the love feel less genuine? How does that affect the way you feel about them? NO it doesn't make me feel less genuine. I think loving unconditionally is the best love ever.What's more important to you, loving or being loved? I want both

Do you want to love and be loved exclusively? Do you want that love to be exclusive in that your partner loves no one else, or exclusive because they love you for who you are and love others for who they are?

I want to be love exclusively (the one an only).

How would you feel about someone who loved you romantically but didn't need you to love them back?

I just think that would be, NOT normal.

What is the greatest benefit (or benefits, if you can't think of just one) you gain from loving someone romantically?it would be sex What about from being loved?Being there for me. Do you need to have both or could you have one or the other?Need both.

Thanks in advance!

[aelle]

Originally Posted by Traikan

Could you be best friends with someone you love?

Certainly. I would describe my partner as my best friend.

What's the distinction between friendship and romance?

I don't think sexual chemistry is the only tracker. Asexuals can have romances too, and desire can come and go in long term relationships. I would say an increased sense of connivance, of rapport, of intimacy that allows you to be on the same wavelength, to exchange jokes with knowing glances only. Manifestations can range from successful mutual flirting to life long companionship.

Are friends and potential partners something you keep separate or are they fluid labels?

Well I only have one partner, and he's been a partner for some time. Before that he was a friend, though, and there was a period when the status of our relationship was quite fluid.

What do you enjoy more, giving love or receiving it?

How important is it that someone you love loves you back?

What's more important to you, loving or being loved?

I dislike unrequited love, both on the giving and on the receiving end. I find it painful and straining.

Do you like feeling someone's love is a thing you have earned?

Wow, I never thought of love in these terms. No, I don't.

If someone loves you unconditionally and immediately, does that make the love feel less genuine? How does that affect the way you feel about them?

I don't think I have ever received immediate and unconditional love in the context of romantic relationships.
I do believe in instant infatuation / love at first sight, but I think it's a kind of love that can burn away or mature into long term partnership - in other words, it needs to convince me it will last.

Do you want to love and be loved exclusively? Do you want that love to be exclusive in that your partner loves no one else, or exclusive because they love you for who you are and love others for who they are?

I do want to be my partner's only romantic partner. He can love many other people in many other ways, of course. My number one issue with multiple partnerships is time, quite prosaically. The luckiest of couples who meet early in life only get a maximum of 50 to 60 years together. That's not much. And a lot of that is spent away from your partner. I want to make the best of the little time we have together, and that means not dividing my attention.

How would you feel about someone who loved you romantically but didn't need you to love them back?

Never been in this situation. I think it would make me uneasy. I have a hard time conceptualizing that they would truly not need anything back from me.

What is the greatest benefit (or benefits, if you can't think of just one) you gain from loving someone romantically? What about from being loved? Do you need to have both or could you have one or the other?

Mutual romantic feelings lead to partnership. Partnership means having someone else root for your team. It's pretty awesome to have company.