Just Gave Up on Overcoming Loneliness

[jasmineY]

First of all let me tell that I am a very, very sensitive person. I feel people's feelings and I feel horrible or even cry when I see someone is hurt or unhappy, but people usually think the opposite. I guess that's because I don't let out much emotion.

I know I just can't function well when it comes to sociability. I just have deep psychological problems probably because of the way I was treated as a child and things like that.


I am also too busy working and studying at the moment and am also under strict control of my parents ( I'm a grown ass adult but I can't move out because of many things such as the country I live in.)

I have difficulty talking to males and I've never had a boyfriend. Hell, I even have problem finding a female friend.

I really need a friend to support me emotionally, but I'm all alone SO now I have come to one simple conclusion: Forget all about it and stop putting so much pressure on myself and just give up and be happy about being who I am and stay this way till time changes things.

Am I doing the right thing?

Also if by any chance, you have experienced a similar situation I'd love to know how you overcame it.

[Manuel]

Well, as far as giving up and just expecting time to change things, I wouldn't recommend that decision! I have been in a similar situation to yours for years and I also did that, but nothing ever changed. In fact, my life got consistently worse every year. If you simply "hope" things will improve without you doing anything to MAKE things better, I believe you are setting yourself up for some major disillusion! What exactly would you be hoping for? Some kind of miracle? I once read this quote "God is not some cosmic babysitter who will help us if we don't take any action ourselves" or something of this nature, and after 40 years of living I can attest to the truth of this.

Not that I'm saying it isn't ok to feel like you're in a state of limbo for a while. YOu'll go through many different stages in life, obviously, where sometimes you have no idea what to do next, and then it's perfectly fine to do nothing for a bit, but if that period lasts too long I don't think you would like the consequences very much.

[Ciergan]

I'm probably in the exact same situation. I've been in tough emotional spots because I couldn't get around others' social barriers. At the same time, my own sensitivity has made it hard to get through emotional intensity when it happens.

My conclusion right now is the same as yours: the game isn't over yet. Keep going and focus on what makes you happy, content. If you really are in the stuck spot like me, you've probably already decided the difference between the things that you can control and what is truly out of your hands. Knowing that difference can be somewhat liberating.

For me, I've made strides by focusing on what keeps me motivated physically as well as mentally. It's amazing what a good exercise plan can do; I can get out the door and be busy, content in the knowledge that I'm doing what's best for me. And every now and then, I run into reminders that I could be in worse places. And besides that, I also find that working on physical health can turn things around emotionally too. Somehow the world seems brighter and more filled with potential after I put my body (and brain) through the paces in a good way. My own sensitivity is transformed into positive empathy and true intuition, instead of suspiciousness and alarm. I'm allowed to see things for how they are and not feel stressed out about their implications.

That said...yeah, the current structure does suck and can be stressful. Right now I'm stuck in some dead-end hours until I can get a full-time job. Because of that, I can't really do much on my own time, like exercise or reach out to others. It's been easy for me to fall into an older version of myself as a result. If you need to talk to someone, feel free to PM me. There's only so much we can do before we have to let the world catch up with our aspirations.

[GregD]

Hi jasmineY!

A very special girl told me once that people who are like you described yourself "feel people's feelings" are more spiritually developed and probably just because of that will have problems fitting in the current society which can be very cruel quite often.

I think she was right and I think at least because of this only you are a very special person and anybody should be happy if they have you in their life. Hek, if nobody wants you there, I would be a very lucky person if you would be a friend to me.

I also understand what you mean about your family. I studied in many countries and most of my friends are from all over the place including many places similar to yours. So I know very well what their parents are like and how hard it can be. From what I have seen, I am very sorry, but you can not change your parents and your society right now. Maybe slowly over many years, but not anytime soon. So you can either find a way to get along where you are or you can get out to another country where these issues do not exist.

So what can I say, ya, I agree that you should not continue stressing about it simply because stress is harmful for your body. But that does not mean that you should close yourself and not allow anyone to approach you or be your friend.

That's all I have for now. As I said you value yourself too low, someone like you has great value in my eyes. If you send me a private message I'll give you my email and we can talk about whatever. I can be your e-friend :P and if you are not a psycho you are more than welcome to come visit me in Brussels (no way I'm coming where you are :P).

[Canonymous]

Honestly, I would focus on being physically and spiritually healthy. If you pray or meditate, do a lot of that. Stay in good physical condition. I don't know the customs of your country, but if it's difficult for you to get on your own, then bite your tongue and stay with your parents until it is no longer difficult for you to do so.
I know what it's like to be empathetic (feeling others' feelings) and I feel for you. If I could, I'd fly right over to your place and pick you up, but you know how that story ends.