Driving me nuts, flaky girl.

[rlatts]

Hey, something is driving me nuts, and Im not really sure what to do.....

I have see this girl for maybe a month or so, hung out 5 or 6 times, we both havent defined our relationship at all, just hanging out, seeing how things go....

umm, we hold hands when walking, kiss good night (not long kisses because I think she hates my "Movember" stache), slept together once (no sex, just crashed at her place after a few drinks) and it seems she generally likes me...

BUT! here is what drives me nuts....she's flaky... I text her asking simple questions like "hows your day?" and it takes her till the next day to respond, or ill ask her out and it will take a day or two just to say if she can or not. One example is I called her to ask her out, waited a few days after not hearing from her, finally texted her asking if she got my message and she finally respnded with ya I think that would be fun...we go out and have a great time.

Should I talk to her about this? just kinda bring it up that it annoys the heck out of me, not a serious way just kinda laugh it off....Or should I just play the game, not contact her at all and just wait to see if she does??

I do realize people are busy, not always looking at there phones and people dont check voicemail all the time. Any advice would help.

Thanks

[tomtomtom]

Duh you play the game. Thats what girls love to do is play games. She is trying to get a hold of where you are at. I say next time you hang out make it a really great one, suprise her, trap her in your game. Then just wait until she texts you then dont respond. Hang out with some other girls. Its a good thing you havent defined it, because relationships cant be defined. Just chill out and take it slow and see what happens. You are not at a point where you need to worry at all, nobody likes crazy people

[rlatts]

OK well, im not sure im comfortable with saying, im out with another woman...I might get my "mancard" taken away but thats just not how im built....I do get the point, dont be crazy, just play the game along with her. ill try that.

[tomtomtom]

Yeah, well you would not tell her about the other women. Doing that would just create a mental advantage for yourself. You would come off with much more confidences knowing you have one in the bank which would make you more attractive. Its always a good idea to try to see multipal women at once, nothing wrong with it. But sounds good

[rlatts]

Hmmm, well I can see that would help me, and it might take my mind off of her mind games a bit...I do have a few friends that are girls that have asked me for drinks, maybe that will be enough.

[votoshka]

Well...errm...I must be flaky as I don't carry my phone on me all the time, and I don't generally check my mobile OR my home phone for messages!

The fact is, I never really got in the habit of doing so. Sometimes I'll be surprised to pick up my home phone and realise there's a message on it (I also sometimes consider just getting rid of message bank altogether so no one can actually leave a message for me to miss!!).

So is she flaky, or just not attached to her phone??

[rlatts]

I do think its part she doesnt look at her phone, I considered that..... just seems flaky to me, thats why I went online for some advice, it could just be me and I dont want to be "that dude" cause im not....I geuss I like her, want to spend more time with her and really can't think straight...

[TonyToneTone]

Few things:
1. You need to build up more attraction with her and go for more. You've seen her so many times and hardly anything has happened.

2. When texting, remember that you are STILL gaming her. You texted her ""hows your day?" there is nothing about that that sounds urgent, hooks her, or catches her attention. If she's an attractive female she probably has ten guys a day texting her that or something similar. At least make it somewhat funny or attractive. something that rehooks her and gets her attention. You want to be the guy that's not like every other guy.

3. Women are busy, they have lives and stuff to do. A lot (unless you've built up a lot of attraction or slept with them) won't get back to you right away, they don't have to and don't have any reason to.

4. Don't talk to her about it as it's weird and shows neediness and too much attachment. If it was me I would take her out, show her a great time, jump on it, and then end the night on my terms.

Talking to her about it isn't going to get her attracted or make her want to see you. It'll bring up some obligation to see you and make the appeal go down.

That's my take on it.

Steps to success: funny text to rehook her, cool plans, sit next to her with lots of touching, kissing, flirting, and a plan to end up back at your place (you could also always start at your place to begin with).

[aleli]

Originally Posted by rlatts

Hey, something is driving me nuts, and Im not really sure what to do.....

I have see this girl for maybe a month or so, hung out 5 or 6 times, we both havent defined our relationship at all, just hanging out, seeing how things go....

umm, we hold hands when walking, kiss good night (not long kisses because I think she hates my "Movember" stache), slept together once (no sex, just crashed at her place after a few drinks) and it seems she generally likes me...

BUT! here is what drives me nuts....she's flaky... I text her asking simple questions like "hows your day?" and it takes her till the next day to respond, or ill ask her out and it will take a day or two just to say if she can or not. One example is I called her to ask her out, waited a few days after not hearing from her, finally texted her asking if she got my message and she finally respnded with ya I think that would be fun...we go out and have a great time.

Should I talk to her about this? just kinda bring it up that it annoys the heck out of me, not a serious way just kinda laugh it off....Or should I just play the game, not contact her at all and just wait to see if she does??

I do realize people are busy, not always looking at there phones and people dont check voicemail all the time. Any advice would help.

Thanks

Omg, that's really annoying! If you like her, you better think first and control everything. Dont expect, dont wait. Tx hi or hello or how you doin' , dont ask question 'cause that'll make you wait for an answer.
For me, you tell her about that, she has reasons for that.
goodluck! you have a great day!

[ButterflyWoman]

Originally Posted by votoshka

I must be flaky as I don't carry my phone on me all the time, and I don't generally check my mobile OR my home phone for messages!

Ditto. I don't even answer the land line, generally speaking (that is, when I hear it at all). And I do carry my phone when I go out, but at home, I don't have it on my person all the time, nor do I check it for possible messages all the time. If I hear it ringing, I answer it, but I don't always hear the text message notification. Texts aren't supposed to be for urgent matters, are they? If you really need an answer or you want to talk to someone, errr... isn't that what a phone call is for?

In all honesty, if I had a friend who expected me to answer any/all text messages right away (or Facebook messages, or emails, or anything else in a non-urgent medium), they probably wouldn't be my friend for long. They'd get annoyed with my refusal to be chained to a messaging system, and I'd get annoyed with them expecting me to be.

[tomtomtom]

These people are wrong about texting and calls. The reality is today that people always have their phones, they are never long without it expecially if you are under 40. It is very unlikly she did not check in within a day. Texts are not urgant but you still respond if you want to, texts imply that you want an immidiate response considering so many different things such as, you might say "how is your day" because you want to start up a convo and ask her to do something later, its a lead in, and if they dont respond that means they are playing a game or dont want a convo, not because they did check their phone

[votoshka]

Originally Posted by tomtomtom

These people are wrong about texting and calls. The reality is today that people always have their phones, they are never long without it expecially if you are under 40. It is very unlikly she did not check in within a day. Texts are not urgant but you still respond if you want to, texts imply that you want an immidiate response considering so many different things such as, you might say "how is your day" because you want to start up a convo and ask her to do something later, its a lead in, and if they dont respond that means they are playing a game or dont want a convo, not because they did check their phone

Are you suggesting that we (who don't live tied to a phone) are abnormal or something?? Not EVERYONE feels a need to be connected to a phone . Some people, EVEN young people, feel no real desire to be contactable 24/7 and would kinda appreciate it if others respected this!

I do get annoyed sometimes with a good friend of mine (yes I love her dearly...but this phone thing bugs me) because she seems to expect that I should have my phone on me at all hours of the day, and if I don't answer (often because my phone is flat or I don't have it on me) then she starts to worry! I try and tell her it's JUST ME... I don't LOVE my phone... it's not an extension of my body.

And *gasp* if I didn't have kids, I probably wouldn't have a mobile phone AT ALL. Yes, you read that right. The only reason I have one is so my kids/their schools/whoever may have them who is not me, can contact me if needs be. That's it.

I am pretty certain that it's not just me who feels this way! While you may be connected to your phone, not everyone is. I really, really don't like the way people expect you to be on call at all hours of the day. It really p***es me off, to be honest.

I think mobile phones are useful... that's it.

Now I am not suggesting that this is absolutely the case for the girl mentioned in the OP, but I think the possibility needs to be considered that she DOESN'T feel the need to keep her phone connected to her body all day every day.

[elucidate]

Originally Posted by ButterflyWoman

Ditto. I don't even answer the land line, generally speaking (that is, when I hear it at all). And I do carry my phone when I go out, but at home, I don't have it on my person all the time, nor do I check it for possible messages all the time. If I hear it ringing, I answer it, but I don't always hear the text message notification. Texts aren't supposed to be for urgent matters, are they? If you really need an answer or you want to talk to someone, errr... isn't that what a phone call is for?

In all honesty, if I had a friend who expected me to answer any/all text messages right away (or Facebook messages, or emails, or anything else in a non-urgent medium), they probably wouldn't be my friend for long. They'd get annoyed with my refusal to be chained to a messaging system, and I'd get annoyed with them expecting me to be.

Same, and my girlfriends are the same.

It has nothing to do with 'playing games' at all. My one friend usually won't get back to me for two or three days sometimes...she has a kid now, and is constantly in demand.

We don't all live for our phones. I certainly don't. If I don't feel like talking I simply won't answer.

[elucidate]

Originally Posted by tomtomtom

These people are wrong about texting and calls. The reality is today that people always have their phones, they are never long without it expecially if you are under 40. It is very unlikly she did not check in within a day. Texts are not urgant but you still respond if you want to, texts imply that you want an immidiate response considering so many different things such as, you might say "how is your day" because you want to start up a convo and ask her to do something later, its a lead in, and if they dont respond that means they are playing a game or dont want a convo, not because they did check their phone

It's true that many many people are insanely obsessed with their phones, and are always staring at them, waiting desperately for someone to call, to make them look like they are incredibly popular...when they may not be in reality.

Not everyone is like this though, so, to assume that this girl is just flaky because she isn't obsessed with her phone...to me, is just insane troll logic.

[ButterflyWoman]

Originally Posted by tomtomtom

The reality is today that people always have their phones

Are you calling me a liar when I say that I don't always have my phone on my person? Or that I don't check for text messages constantly?

Oh, hang on a minute. Yeah....

Your "social project" is about trolling... Personality types and relationships... a little challenge for everyone

[Angelique]

Make a decision. Don't wait for her to determine how things will go for you. Talk to her, ignore her, play the game, whatever.

[RedRain]

She just might not be that into you, like maybe she just wants to be friends and that's her way of telling you. I've had girls do that to me. They wait to get back to me for a while because they aren't into me and don't want to make it seem like they are.

I don't deal with those kind of people. If someone isn't excited about getting back to me, what's the point?

Or, if they are just really busy, that wouldn't work for me either.

[James81]

Never perpetuate behavior that you do not accept. First thing is that you need to shift your mindset from what she wants and likes and needs to what you want and like and need. Then your job becomes about seeking compatibility rather than compromise, which is a much better position to be in.

I wouldn't ask yourself how to get her attention. I would ask yourself why you need her specific attention so much. Don't get too hung up on one girl.

[tomtomtom]

Originally Posted by ButterflyWoman

Are you calling me a liar when I say that I don't always have my phone on my person? Or that I don't check for text messages constantly?

Oh, hang on a minute. Yeah....

Your "social project" is about trolling... Personality types and relationships... a little challenge for everyone

No i was suggesting that you were proly abnormal. I do not know anyone who does not have their cell phone on them at all time. This makes sense, its peoples only phone. People dont leave their phones alone, I never am away from my phone for more than an hour, and im not obsessed at all it just makes logical sense. I do generally use it for friends and bs but I could get an important call or text. You guys are very wrong, I cant imagine a situation where someone just leave their cellphone for more than a few hours.

[forum]

i would say i've seen this pattern before:

- she likes you, but you do not seem to present her a challenge. perhaps, you're too available for her (don't get mad and cut her off - just balance).

- i would say: start going on dates. if she likes you she will make a move.

[rlatts]

All fine points though....being in control of what I want is whats important, im just seeing if this is how people react to the situations, Never experianced this before. I personally dont leave my phone alone, and think all of my texts are not urgent, but at least they deserve a response.... someone takes the time to at least text you, you should at least be able to respond. Am I 100% she's into me, no, but ive been in enough relationships to know there is a good chance. if not, no biggie....

[elucidate]

Originally Posted by tomtomtom

No i was suggesting that you were proly abnormal. I do not know anyone who does not have their cell phone on them at all time. This makes sense, its peoples only phone. People dont leave their phones alone, I never am away from my phone for more than an hour, and im not obsessed at all it just makes logical sense. I do generally use it for friends and bs but I could get an important call or text. You guys are very wrong, I cant imagine a situation where someone just leave their cellphone for more than a few hours.

If you are a businessman then it's true that you could get an important business call or text, in which case not having your phone at hand would be unwise.

If you are an anxious mother always worried about her kids, then having a phone could be helpful if your child is prone to accidents or getting in fights or something.

I can not really think of too many situations, bar a relative dying or someone you know being involved in an accident and having to go to hospital, where anything would be THAT important that you always have to have your phone on you all the time...though I rarely leave it at home...occasionally I do, and whoever calls when I'm out can simply call back if it's that important.

Some people just like the peace of not having to think about their phone all the time, and they don't want to be expected to be at the whim of demanding people expecting them to call back when they want.

I've ignored hundreds, if not thousands of calls and texts in my life since I first got a phone and not returned the text straight away or called back straight away, and never have any of them been imperative to my life or anyone elses.

If that makes me abnormal to someone who wouldn't dream of doing this, then I can live with that. I'd rather be considered abnormal by a stranger, than letting my phone run my life instead of working FOR me.

I can see how that would seem abnormal to someone who thinks it's totally normal to live this way. To me though YOU are the abnormal one, along with everyone else who can't just leave their phone at home once in a while and needs to have it with them at all times.

That's me though...I'm female and whilst I can see the advantage of having a phone, i still hate them, so I'm a bit different to many females in this way. My phone is really only for safety reasons, if I get in trouble and need a cab or something. I don't like to chat on phones that much, though I do once in a while with friends. I prefer basic messages texted if a meet up is going to happen etc.

[newkaren]

Originally Posted by tomtomtom

No i was suggesting that you were proly abnormal. I do not know anyone who does not have their cell phone on them at all time. This makes sense, its peoples only phone. People dont leave their phones alone, I never am away from my phone for more than an hour, and im not obsessed at all it just makes logical sense. I do generally use it for friends and bs but I could get an important call or text. You guys are very wrong, I cant imagine a situation where someone just leave their cellphone for more than a few hours.

Okay, I don't leave mine, but I don't always answer. For example, I start work very early. One night I get a txt after I went to bed, and that is ok, because I turn my phone off when I go to bed. So, I see it when I get up at 5am. Of course I don't txt at 5am unless I know the person is up that early, because I don't want to wake them. So I go to work, and it ends up being a very busy day. next thing I know work is over (I work 3 12hr shifts a week) and I've been busy. I forgot about the txt. I answered almost a full 24hr later. It was a bs txt anyway.

[votoshka]

Originally Posted by tomtomtom

No i was suggesting that you were proly abnormal. I do not know anyone who does not have their cell phone on them at all time. This makes sense, its peoples only phone. People dont leave their phones alone, I never am away from my phone for more than an hour, and im not obsessed at all it just makes logical sense. I do generally use it for friends and bs but I could get an important call or text. You guys are very wrong, I cant imagine a situation where someone just leave their cellphone for more than a few hours.

You had not one, but THREE people all tell you, within a fairly short span of time, that they're not connected to their phones, and even that *gasp* their freinds may not be either! You know... back in the old days (lol) people didn't HAVE mobile phones. They were often away from their phones for HOURS at a time, and guess what? They survived!

I know a guy who refused to get a mobile phone until he was virtually made to by the company he works for. Why? Because he values his time. He doesn't like the fact that people expect him to be available whenever THEY want him to be.

I think YOU are the one who is wrong simply because you've had several people all tell you that they don't connect themselves to their phones all day every day. I am not saying you are wrong about the girl in the OP! I am saying you are wrong in assuming that EVERYONE is like you.

And yeah, having read Elucidate's post, I agree with it 100%. As I said earlier, if I didn't have kids I probably wouldn't even have a mobile phone *gasp*. Because, honestly, no one would really need me THAT much that they couldn't call my home phone or whatever. If I needed a phone for WORK, then it would be on during WORK hours (or after hours if I was on call or something). Other than that, the work phone would be off and away. My time away from work is my time.

[James81]

Originally Posted by votoshka

You had not one, but THREE people all tell you, within a fairly short span of time, that they're not connected to their phones, and even that *gasp* their freinds may not be either! You know... back in the old days (lol) people didn't HAVE mobile phones. They were often away from their phones for HOURS at a time, and guess what? They survived!

I know a guy who refused to get a mobile phone until he was virtually made to by the company he works for. Why? Because he values his time. He doesn't like the fact that people expect him to be available whenever THEY want him to be.

I think YOU are the one who is wrong simply because you've had several people all tell you that they don't connect themselves to their phones all day every day. I am not saying you are wrong about the girl in the OP! I am saying you are wrong in assuming that EVERYONE is like you.

And yeah, having read Elucidate's post, I agree with it 100%. As I said earlier, if I didn't have kids I probably wouldn't even have a mobile phone *gasp*. Because, honestly, no one would really need me THAT much that they couldn't call my home phone or whatever. If I needed a phone for WORK, then it would be on during WORK hours (or after hours if I was on call or something). Other than that, the work phone would be off and away. My time away from work is my time.

I think you are blowing this way out of proportion and making this about something this tghread is not about. I guarantee you that when you really like a guy, you don't hold this same attitude about your time and phones. When you like a guy (and the relationship is fresh), you probably hover around your phone waiting for him to call just like the rest of us.

At the very least, you wouldn't just outright ignore communication from a guy you really like for two days. And most people check their phones at least once a day, even if they don't carry them.

Point being, it sounds like the girl in this case has low interest for the threadstarter. Somebody above nailed it wheb they said that she's just not that into him.

[ButterflyWoman]

Originally Posted by tomtomtom

No i was suggesting that you were proly abnormal.

You didn't say abnormal, you said wrong. Make up your mind. But the fact is, nobody I know hangs their phone around their neck just waiting for someone to text them. There are people like that, and apparently, that's the only kind of person you happen to know. But these people aren't "the norm" any more than people who aren't slaves to their phone are "abnormal". In your circles, sure, I'll buy that. But your social world is not the only possibility.

Originally Posted by tomtomtom

You guys are very wrong

You keep using that word. My reality and my experience is wrong because it doesn't match up to yours? Amusing.

Originally Posted by tomtomtom

I cant imagine a situation where someone just leave their cellphone for more than a few hours.

Then you haven't got a lot of imagination. Or, I suspect, much in the way of life experience or much depth of understanding of lifestyle diversity.

Or this is all just a big act you're putting on for the purposes of your "social experiment". Whatever. Feel free to put in your report that in your experiment, you encountered people who had different views and life experiences than you, and you decided they were all wrong. Your instructor will be impressed, I'm sure (though probably not surprised).

[ZephyrusX]

haha - I don't even have a cellphone. I've never had.

Originally Posted by tomtomtom

No i was suggesting that you were proly abnormal. I do not know anyone who does not have their cell phone on them at all time. This makes sense, its peoples only phone. People dont leave their phones alone, I never am away from my phone for more than an hour, and im not obsessed at all it just makes logical sense. I do generally use it for friends and bs but I could get an important call or text. You guys are very wrong, I cant imagine a situation where someone just leave their cellphone for more than a few hours.

[ButterflyWoman]

Originally Posted by ZephyrusX

haha - I don't even have a cellphone. I've never had.

No! You're wrong! That's impossible!

[ZephyrusX]

Are you annoyed because the relationship is not defined or are you simply annoyed by her phone habits? if it is the former case, there is a real easy solution. Talk to her about it directly without playing games. Be clear about your feelings and expectations and ask her how she feels about the relationship.

Originally Posted by rlatts

I have see this girl for maybe a month or so, hung out 5 or 6 times, we both havent defined our relationship at all, just hanging out, seeing how things go....

[elucidate]

Originally Posted by ZephyrusX

haha - I don't even have a cellphone. I've never had.

I never wanted one either. I caved when I moved to the city, for safety reasons...but I still would prefer not to have one. They do come in handy now and then though.