Advice on how to stop being a pushover

[ryanhavana]

Hey guys, it's my first post on this forum, I can't remember how but a few months back I stumbled upon this forum and I bookmarked it ever since, I've only just registered, though. Anyway I'm looking for a bit of advice on how to stop just saying "yes" to everything, not a pushover exactly but something along those lines.

Here's an example; Can you take me into college with you tomorrow?

I passed my driving test recently and it's the question I get asked by the same people over and over, and I've had enough of it. I don't want to simply say "No, f**k off" I'm just looking for advice on how I can just say no and actually "grow a pair"

Any help would be great, thanks

[elucidate]

Start by examining why you always feel the need to have to please everyone?

Where does that come from?

Also, look at where in your past you were made to feel like you were not important, that your needs don't matter...only other peoples do.

Learning to build your confidence in small ways would be a great way to start.

[CroMagna]

Cut off people who are merely using you for your car.
You obviously don't like them if you want to tell them to f*** off.
Is it possible to only interact with supportive people who don't make you feel like a pushover?

[brendannz]

If it's convenient to give them a lift home, then give them a lift home.

If it's not convenient, say no, and say why you can't give them a lift home, make up any excuse. Only have X amount of gasoline to spend, etc.

Or, if you don't like them, then tell them to ♥♥♥♥ off, heheh

[ryanhavana]

Thanks guys, it's not that I hate giving people rides home, there are some people I'll gladly take home, because I know that it's not the reason they talk to me. It just seems that all they want are rides to and from college, and I hate that

I guess it's simple really, just tell them

Thanks

[Mike0149]

Originally Posted by brendannz

... If it's not convenient, say no, and say why you can't give them a lift home, make up any excuse. ...

No need to say why you can't give them a lift home. Why should they think that you owe them an explanation?

"Never apologise, never explain". OK, maybe not the way you'd treat your friends. But these leeches aren't friends, right?

So you just say "Sorry, it won't be possible" and leave it at that. And if they ask "why not" you just paraphrase what you've already said eg "sorry, I can't manage it".

Note that the 'sorry' isn't an apology! You're simply expressing some degree of sorrow that they won't be getting what they want. That's showing you're human, you're not coldly detached from the situation. You're not apologising for letting them down, for the fact that you won't do what you feel you should do, for what you could do if you wanted to, what they think you should do, etc etc.

[cheesedip1]

Here's what you do:

There are 200 steps to this.....

Not really. Just one.


How to say no

1. Think about saying 'no'

2. Say it.


That's all.





......okay, but seriously, dont listen to my advice......

[brendannz]

Originally Posted by Mike0149

So you just say "Sorry, it won't be possible" and leave it at that. And if they ask "why not" you just paraphrase what you've already said eg "sorry, I can't manage it".

Note that the 'sorry' isn't an apology! You're simply expressing some degree of sorrow that they won't be getting what they want. That's showing you're human, you're not coldly detached from the situation. You're not apologising for letting them down, for the fact that you won't do what you feel you should do, for what you could do if you wanted to, what they think you should do, etc etc.

Yeah, that sounds good, but I think by the way you've written 3 paragraphs on it, you're probably overthinking it, but that's alright, I do too