Problem "In laws"

[Snowdrop]

Hi
Hope I do find some help -much needed! I got these in laws who are totaly selfish! I mean they look very giving and friendly to the world, but are they? You need to live with them and then you learn how they make you do what they actually want without actually asking it!! Get that! So, they made you do things and jobs all day round constantly complaining about how dirty the house is ,.. or how will they manage a task.. and make you say I will help! and then you do it but then when things are done it is conveniently forgotten!! You will get a present on your birthday for being good!! Basically for inviting them about every week.. cooking everyttime when they had guests.. Yes a good $40 to 100 dollar present! I lived with them till the end of my husbands tether! If it was my call it would be a lot much before that!! their children too have learned that they were never put first .. it was them and what they wanted!
mother in law told me straight she won't help me with my kids and all so don't keep any hopes .. but now they are getting old and they want me to go and do everything for them they expect me to invite them regularly and entertain them .. they help me They believe by giving me lifts here and there!
THere is lots but I did all I could thinking they are my in laws (parents ) after all and it has never been enough!
what shall I do - start ignoring them or continue doing what I do?
I have never seen a woman so crafty!
She did things like spray oil on the walls and pretend she doesn't know .. maybe some kids did it! (we were living in a joined family) so that someone cleans it! or spill in the microwave and forget about it!! it can be stressful all the time .. someone playing tricks ..

[ChristsLight]

You have the choice to stop participating in their games.

[Snowdrop]

Thank you! After having taken this for so many years and trying to keep up with good principles of being helpful..put a right to the wrong .. I have realised that with such distorted people it is best to ignore them as much as possible because it only stresses all of us and it is so much easier to do it as we don't live together!
Thanks for your reply! Sometimes we are so angry that we need somebody to prompt us what is so obvious but we just don't see it!

[Curious cat]

Living with inlaws certainly presents challenges and can cause friction.

Boundaries are clearer and easier to enforce when you aren't living with them.

When you don't set clear boundaries, you are contributing to this dynamic that currently exists between you and your inlaws. You've said they don't ask for help, you offer it, but you resent them for it. They may or may not have maniplated you into it, but you need to be clear in your own mind first how you want to be treated, and be willing to assert yourself. It might relieve some of your stress.