Did i do the right thing?

[MattKing]

I got myself into a confusing relationship situation that i'm not even sure you could ever really call a relationship. I've been reflecting on it recently and debating whether i did the right thing in ending it.

Anyway. I met a girl about 4 years ago when i was 16 at a staff party where i worked. She was one of my bosses daughter and we hit it off quite well. Exchanged numbers etc but nothing really came of it. I was a bit too shy in pursuing it.

4 Years went by and we were just "Oh hey, i remember you. How's it going?" towards each other. Friendly but there was still attraction between us. She had a child and eventually ended up dating somebody else from my work (not the childs father). She started working at the same place as me and over the summer we occasionaly worked together. We got on really well and occasionaly there was some sexual tension.

Back in August i decided i wanted to move away to a new city with some friends. When she found out she started saying how much she'd miss me. She came out for my leaving night out type thing, and long story short we ended up sleeping together.

For the week leading up to me moving away we saw each other as much as possible. I asked her why she was with her boyfriend and she said she didn't know and wanted to leave him for me. Logically i knew it would cause so much havoc but i wanted it to happen. Was that selfish of me?

I moved away and she kept saying how she'd cried the night i moved away and how much she missed me. It took a bit of courage to admit i cried the same night. As a kid, crying wasn't really "approved" by my step-dad, but she said it showed i cared. We phoned each other every day for hours and ran up massive phone bills. Being in another city away from her made me so miserable i wanted to just move back home.

I managed to get a job and get settled in but after a few weeks the company i was working for decided to let me go. They were making cuts and because i was on a trial type thing it was easiest to let me go as i wasn't needed. That really sucked but i took it on the chin.

I decided then i wanted to move back home, i wasn't happy there and realized i'd made a mistake in moving away. Keeping on topic, when i came back she was away visiting her nan who was extremely ill. I was running around frantically trying to get work so i could keep paying the rent in the other city until my housemates could find another tenant.

With everything going on i ended up texting her saying if she'd be ok just staying friends. She said OK but i have no idea how she actually responded or felt, obviously because her response was just a text.

I'm not really sure why i said it. I can't decide whether i was scared, wise or just stupid in doing it. I didn't want to end it but it felt like it would just make things easier with everything else going on.

What i wanted more than anything else over the summer was to meet somebody who i could share my life with and have a really close connection and bond. That's exactly what i got with her, the universe answered my intention but everything else made it impossible to work.

I'd really appreciate somebodys opinion on this. It's been rattling around in my mind for a while and i can't decide whether i've been an idiot for messing about with somebodys girlfriend or an idiot for letting something good go.

[superfoodist]

Well if it truly felt right being with her, then definitely trust your intuition.

[lyricslair]

With everything going on I ended up texting her saying if she'd be ok just staying friends. She said OK but i have no idea how she actually responded or felt, obviously because her response was just a text.

Reading your post brought tears to my eyes.... A thought from the other side.... I had a guy do that exact thing with me a few months ago... It broke my heart... If you care about her then go to her... At the very least speak with her. To share something meaningful with a person then just cast it aside without so much as a conversation is the worse part ... at least for me it was. If you do care don't leave it with a text. It's hurtful and rude.

[garentee]

Go see her... spend time with her and see what is up with that... you may be surprised to see what comes of this... Do not let it go if you are feeling like this... Follow it.

[MattKing]

I'm not even entirely sure what made me say it :/ one day I feel okay and the next I'm in tears regretting giving her up. I'm going to see how she is and let her know. I hate myself for messing her about but I think my insecurities just got the better of me.

Such a head vs heart debate going on inside me right now :/

Really appreciate the advice/opinions from you all.

[Beingist]

Originally Posted by MattKing

What i wanted more than anything else over the summer was to meet somebody who i could share my life with and have a really close connection and bond. That's exactly what i got with her, the universe answered my intention but everything else made it impossible to work.

There's a line out of a movie called "Moonstruck" that applies here, I think...

"[...] love don't make things nice, it ruins everything, it breaks your heart, it makes things a mess. We're not here to make things perfect. Snowflakes are perfect. The stars are perfect. Not us. We are here to ruin ourselves and break our hearts and love the wrong people and die! The storybooks are ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥."

But, hang in there, kid. You both sound cool to me.