I'd love some help :)

[trishikarao]

I am a freshman in high school who is not allowed to date since my parents claim I'm too immature. This never really bothered me until I started questioning my sexuality about a year ago. I've been into guys my whole life, but now I wonder if this has changed. I still never had a crush on a girl although I spent most of last year convincing myself I liked this girl in my class. Maybe it was the fear of being gay or the confusion of what a crush felt like that made me believe it, but somewhere deep down it never felt right. I may have liked her a little, but it was nothing compared to the crushes I had on guys. Anyways now I'm more open with my sexuality (what I mean is that I'm trying to let my heart just decide), and I'm leaning towards heterosexual. However a part of me wonders if this is the truth. I feel like I should experiment with my sexuality even though the thought of it frightens me. I mean if I'm not attracted women, do I really have to kiss/date a girl to make sure? Plus I can't date so that's no help. I'm tired of trying to figure it out and not exactly sure how to explain any of this to my parents...I just want to enjoy my high school right now and try to relax. I've tried to distract myself and to come up with solutions. I still feel lost. Would anyone like to offer some help please?

[WisdomDome]

If your parents claim that you're too immature to date then they're essentially saying that you're too immature to become mature, to grow as a person, and to develop skills that will benefit you in life. Relationships and friendships are the key things that help you develop as an individual.

While I'm not telling you to disobey your parents, there are plenty of ways that you can make friends and experiment with your sexuality and relationships. I'm not going to go into them here due to the overall nature of the situation, but I'm sure that you'll find them in time.

If you aren't attracted to Women than you shouldn't force yourself to be attracted to them. You need to do what's going to be best for you and ultimately make you happy, however, if you feel the desire to experiment than you should. Remember that things change over the years, and you could very well end up becoming more attracted to women in time, but it isn't something that's going to involve force on your end. If it does happen, it will come naturally in some way or another.

Just keep in mind that whatever you do, you need to be safe and make intelligent decisions, both sexually and within the boundaries of your parents - for now.

[trishikarao]

Thank for all the advice. I guess I'm just overwhelming myself right now. I feel a little stuck and confused about my relationships with others since I've never really been in love before. I also think I'm pressuring myself to deal with all my confusion right now since I've never felt so lost. I feel like I should try to concentrate on other things right now but it's like I'm always trying to figure something out about my sexuality. I really don't want to experiment until I'm allowed to date. Do you have any advice on how to stop worrying about whether or not I'm gay without just testing it out?

[superfoodist]

As for not being completely sure about your sexuality, look up HOCD. It's basically OCD thinking about being gay, when you're not. I hope that helps

[The Cloud]

You don't have to be one or the other. You can be gay tomorrow, and straight the next day. Perhaps you could focus more on what kind of people you like, rather than what kind of people you want to have sex with. Then the gay/straight thing should naturally sort itself out. It's more important to be around people you like than it is to be on one side of a dividing line between men and women.

[trishikarao]

I've searched up HOCD before and I guess I can sort of relate to it. I think what 's helped me the most is just being able to share. Thanks you all for your advice

[ZephyrusX]

Why does the thought of experimenting with your sexuality scare you? If you are sincerely not attracted to women, simply don't kiss/date them.

Irrespective of what your parents think, do you want to date and be sexually active? Do you feel mature enough to date?

I think confusion over sexual orientation is normal for many people. I'm 26 and am still feel confused over it (though that is probably because I chose not to be sexually/romantically active). In all honesty, I think you only need to be honest with your self and your sexual/romantic partners in order to avoid hurt feelings. It doesn't matter if you are confused; part of dating is discovering who you are sexually and romantically. Just be considerate of the other person's feelings and openly communicate what you expect from the relationship and listen to what he/she expects out of it.

Originally Posted by trishikarao

I feel like I should experiment with my sexuality even though the thought of it frightens me. I mean if I'm not attracted women, do I really have to kiss/date a girl to make sure?

[trishikarao]

Originally Posted by ZephyrusX

Why does the thought of experimenting with your sexuality scare you? If you are sincerely not attracted to women, simply don't kiss/date them.

I guess it scares me since I've never been in a relationship so I really don't know what any of my feelings are. If I see a girl looking at me too long I'll get scared that she likes me and then feel awkward around that girl. I guess I'm kind of tired of being confused about my sexuality and not going anywhere either. I don't feel like I'm ready to experiment but then I think that it's the only way to rid myself of this constant worry about whether I'm gay or not. I truly do feel obsessed over this topic...
Do you think it's healthy if I start trying to concentrate on something else?

[The Cloud]

Decide that maybe means no. If someone looks at you and you're not sure, choose to definitely not have any romance with them. This will allow you to be in control, rather than the girl who glances at you over-long. You'll get to decide who you're in love with, instead of letting other people decide who's in love with you. You can always turn a no into a yes later.

[ZephyrusX]

That is perfectly understandable.

I think the only way you can really get over the anxiety and confusion is to start dating and experimenting sexuality, though. What will your parents do to you if they find out that your are either dating or sexually activeÉ

If you don`t want to be dating and or sexually active right now, putting the thoughts aside for another day is a perfectly legitimate thing to do. I think everyone will experience some anxiety if they are sexually inexperienced, but on the other hand, having a healthy relationship to your sexuality involves knowing when you are ready and willing to get your feet wet. Move at the pace that feels right for you. Don`t let anyone else tell you what you ought and ought not to be doing. (i.e I`m still a virgin at 26, and quite frankly, it suits me perfectly fine. I`ll become sexually active when I want to and if I want to. I honestly don`t think about my sexuality very often.)

Are you just anxious about exploring your sexuality or is there something particular about being gay that worries youÉ Like, how would your parents react if they found out that you were gayÉ You just seem to be putting a lot of emphasis on the possibility of being gay, which suggests in my mind that you may be uncomfortable with that sexual orientation.

É = question mark, btw. My keyboard is being funky again...

Originally Posted by trishikarao

I guess it scares me since I've never been in a relationship so I really don't know what any of my feelings are. If I see a girl looking at me too long I'll get scared that she likes me and then feel awkward around that girl. I guess I'm kind of tired of being confused about my sexuality and not going anywhere either. I don't feel like I'm ready to experiment but then I think that it's the only way to rid myself of this constant worry about whether I'm gay or not. I truly do feel obsessed over this topic...
Do you think it's healthy if I start trying to concentrate on something else?

[CroMagna]

Sorry if this is to graphic but like the mighty sexperts said, you should masturbate to figure out what you like. Visualize a man and see if you're aroused to the point of orgasm. The next time visualize a woman and see if you're aroused to the point of orgasm. You don't need to buy toys that your parents might find or view porn, just you and your brain. You don't need disobey your parents and there's nothing wrong with masturbation at your age. Most people start earlier.