My customers from hell are driving me to my GRAVE

[DoggyLady]

Help!!!!!!!!

My customers are sucking my blood dry!!

I'm two months into this customer service job.

I have to support this two-person team client and these worry-warts drive me crzy.

They are demanding and question me like they interogate me and use emotional manipulation, "Why do you use this forwarder? Why cant you (do it this way) ?" " your competitor company take only x amount of time, but how come you take 10x amount of time?"

if I work over time in office, they have the gall to hound me even after office hours!!! Luckily I have caller ID, so i don't have to pick up their calls.

and they paint themselves in VERY bad pitiful situation ("ooh, very stressful, we must have meeting every day recently with the big big boss scrutinising us! we have to answer to him, so you MUST do something for us, else we can't answer them !).

and they expect a certain standard of service and wouldn't take lower for an answer. "That's not acceptable!!"

Once I stood my ground firmly (i was driven to my limits and suddenly flipped into strict and stern approach), and the guy wrote a email to my boss saying "the more i talk with (doggylady), the unhappier I am " and talked like he is the unfair victim and that my company is ripping them off! (luckily HIS boss is reasonable saying "let's respect their company policy", phew!!! cos clearly i was in the right, cos i was standing by my company procedures.)

They gang up against me by having 3 way phone conversation with me. Two of them against me one person, to persuade me to do something for them.

I have this feeling that they keep pushing my limits and boundaries. I'm wondering if they are bullying me because i'm new. (they are a two-person team)

And they transfer a lot of their nervous energy to me. I started out on this job very happy and relaxed but now they drive me crazy.

I'm new and so often, I don't have all the answers. I don't know where my boundaries are. I feel embarassed about keep having to go to my colleagues and ask them "my customer wants to know why we are doing it this way. so why are we doing this way?" it is very stressful. I feel like i'm running a one-man zoo.

How come I'm in this situation such that I'm being so disempowered by my clients?

I'm trying so hard to provide a good service for them but i'm feeling like i'm their slave.

They are being unreasonable, aren't they?

I feel so powerless. I know that I shouldn't feel this way. but I am at a loss on what to do right now.

I'm at home but i can't relax, because i dread the thought of going to work tomorrow.


Pls share with me, what's missing..... how can i regain back control ?

[Kait]

Wow, I guess to gain control back is to give them someone else to deal with...If they aren't happy with you. And I'm sure they will be the sameway with them...Some people you just cant make happy NO matter what you do.
And they are going to be insecure with whomever they work with again...

Just look at it as experience and breath...and learn how to work with difficult people.

[Eduard E]

It seems to me that you just care too much. Paradoxically, while you do want to pay attention to the needs of your clients and help them as best as you can, it's not a good idea to be emotionally attached in customer service.

You can definitely learn to care less and be more detached emotionally, while at the same time still offering real support. But at the end of the day, if this sensitivity is really strong, you may actually want to consider working in a different field. Customer service is very draining for sensitive persons.

[CoolBee]

Maybe you can rope your boss in and have a meeting with the client (and their boss) and draw up a service level agreement about response times, acceptable times to phone and so on. (Or maybe one was even agreed way back when the contract was set up?)

Without knowing more about what line of work you are in, it is difficult to imagine what their demands are about - eg are they talking about a network setup or the way you administer medication? (You don't have to say, I'm just being rhetorical!)

However, I do recall I think that your company show some reluctance to change things (didn't we have a discussion once about you drawing up a procedures manual or something?)

Unfortunately, you are the one who needs to look out for yourself. Companies will allow you to drive yourself into the ground, particularly have a 'responsible' attitude to your work (as in 'I have to complete it even though the odds are against me') and if you snap with stress or get sick, they'll manage somehow to muddle along without you.

I know what you mean about the transfer of worry-stress, I can cope with a very heavy workload pretty well unless I get one of those worry-worts on my case when you have to somehow politely tell them to get off.

[DoggyLady]

Originally Posted by CoolBee

Maybe you can rope your boss in and have a meeting with the client (and their boss) and draw up a service level agreement about response times, acceptable times to phone and so on. (Or maybe one was even agreed way back when the contract was set up?)

Without knowing more about what line of work you are in, it is difficult to imagine what their demands are about - eg are they talking about a network setup or the way you administer medication? (You don't have to say, I'm just being rhetorical!)

My company repair and deliver machine parts. my customers today complain about how we are so overtime in our repairs, and demand free temporary loans. then i pee in my own pants by running around asking my colleagues desperately, "is my customer's request justified? do we offer such a service?"

However, I do recall I think that your company show some reluctance to change things (didn't we have a discussion once about you drawing up a procedures manual or something?)

my boss is a "traditional" person. so he tends to be stubborn about how things should be done. he does not like it when i learn things in my own way , like me creating my own mindmap spreadsheets for my own learning. he says "you're not following the process!!! you must only refer to the company's userguides and manuals!!" *faint*

Unfortunately, you are the one who needs to look out for yourself. Companies will allow you to drive yourself into the ground, particularly have a 'responsible' attitude to your work (as in 'I have to complete it even though the odds are against me') and if you snap with stress or get sick, they'll manage somehow to muddle along without you.

actually, my boss (although he is stubborn, he is caring) has noticed how i'm overcommitting myself and not guarding my own boundaries. he today told me, "checking for stock should be done by XXX. you shouldn't do everything yourself."

I know what you mean about the transfer of worry-stress, I can cope with a very heavy workload pretty well unless I get one of those worry-worts on my case when you have to somehow politely tell them to get off.

how to tell customer to get off ???

[DoggyLady]

Originally Posted by Eduard E

It seems to me that you just care too much.

i care a lot about my work. i want to do a good job.

Paradoxically, while you do want to pay attention to the needs of your clients and help them as best as you can, it's not a good idea to be emotionally attached in customer service.

You can definitely learn to care less and be more detached emotionally, while at the same time still offering real support. But at the end of the day, if this sensitivity is really strong, you may actually want to consider working in a different field. Customer service is very draining for sensitive persons.

i started out in this job very enthusiastic, with a lot of drive and energy.

i'm now fizzling out. so yah, customer service can be draining, but only with certain kind of customers.

only when i handle this emotionally manipulative customer-pair do i feel drained.

because i get the feeling that they are trying to take advantage of me. I can feel it in the way they talk and try to get things from me.

[CoolBee]

From what you've said, I really think your boss (who is well familiar with the way the company operates) and also apparently concerned for your well-being, and you need to go through the Terms and Conditions associated with orders.

Go through this customer's file and see what they have been promised perhaps by sales persons (I do know from experience that salesmen unfortunately often promise the earth so as to get the order - and also because they don't necessarily fully understand what is involved - and those 'in the backroom' are working every hour God sends trying to meet those promises.)

Then, agree with your boss what is reasonable so you are both united in your approach.

Then, call a meeting with the customer and both you and your boss present and hammer out the details.

If your customer wants a deliverable your company can't offer, then you (or your boss) must be straight with them and agree a compromise. EG machine part they want repaired in 2 weeks, you know it will take 3. What is the likely impact on their service - eg is it a crucial part in an assembly line so if it's not up and running 10 people will be out of work for a week - in which case temporary free loan, or are they running a hire shop and have other equipment on stand by? If your contract says 2 weeks repair time and that is what they signed for and you meet that, then no temporary loan. If you know after say 1.5 weeks that you will be overrunning, then offer the temporary loan for free before they ask for it.

Your customer knows you are new and very probably is manipulating the situation sensing someone keen to work hard and willing to pull out all the stops. You are a bit 'piggy in the middle' at the moment.

[DoggyLady]

Your customer knows you are new and very probably is manipulating the situation sensing someone keen to work hard and willing to pull out all the stops. You are a bit 'piggy in the middle' at the moment.

Interesting titbit :
my company has just received a christmas card from this company. it says "thank you for your service". and it is signed by their manager and their engineers, but interestingly, no signature from these two manipulative demanding persons.

yes, i am piggy.

[Angela]

Originally Posted by DoggyLady

How come I'm in this situation such that I'm being so disempowered by my clients?

What a great question! If I were in your shoes, I would tweak it a bit: "How come I'm choosing to be in this situation and why am I choosing to feel disempowered by what my clients choose to do?"

In other words, what is the learning you've created this situation for that, if you were to fully get it, you wouldn't need to feel bad about it anymore?

(p.s... in my experience, I've found that the learnings that make the most profound difference are: a) positively stated (not a "not"), b) about me (not about others), and c) future oriented (so they'll be there as a resource going forward.)

[DoggyLady]

Originally Posted by Angela

What a great question! If I were in your shoes, I would tweak it a bit: "How come I'm choosing to be in this situation and why am I choosing to feel disempowered by what my clients choose to do?"

In other words, what is the learning you've created this situation for that, if you were to fully get it, you wouldn't need to feel bad about it anymore?

(p.s... in my experience, I've found that the learnings that make the most profound difference are: a) positively stated (not a "not"), b) about me (not about others), and c) future oriented (so they'll be there as a resource going forward.)

hm.. i had a realisation.

i thought it was all my responsibility to handle customer.

i thought it would be my fault if customer is not well handled. so i got reallyt worried and stressed. and afraid to be blamed.

it dawned on me, if customer is unhappy and demanding and feeling victimised, it is not my problem. it is the company 's fault who didn't manage to deliver the goods on time. it is unrealistic for me to be the one to keep customer happy.

knowing tht it's not all my responsibility to keep customer happy, i don't have to feel so worried and upset.

and know that it's not all my fault that customer is not happy , i am not afraid to share more info about my difficulty with customer to my boss . cos i dun have to fear looking bad for not keeping customer happy.

being able to share info with boss means that i can receive support and help.

then i dun hv to suffer alone silently and needlessly.

tada.

[CoolBee]

Originally Posted by DoggyLady

hm.. i had a realisation.

i thought it was all my responsibility to handle customer.
...

knowing tht it's not all my responsibility to keep customer happy, i don't have to feel so worried and upset.
...

being able to share info with boss means that i can receive support and help.

then i dun hv to suffer alone silently and needlessly.

tada.

This is an important realization and something I have personally had to go through.

I was talking about something with my sister a few weeks ago when I suddenly realized that a similar pattern has repeated through my life since childhood - let's call it being 'Deputy Parent' - into certain areas of my working life - ie the feeling of having all the responsibility (ie be the one who would get 'told off' if the younger ones didn't behave or got hurt) and none of the privileges or means of 'control' (eg couldn't ground them, couldn't stop their pocket money) and has appeared in my working life on more than one occasion!

Sharing this with your boss is a great idea - don't be surprised if he tries to fob you off a bit though until he realizes you are serious!

[DoggyLady]

Originally Posted by CoolBee

Sharing this with your boss is a great idea -

[/QUOTE]

Sharing WHICH ?

my problems with my customers? or my Realisations?

don't be surprised if he tries to fob you off a bit though until he realizes you are serious!

What's the definition of "fob" ? i tried to search dictionary online, but dictionary says it means "bluff" , or "evade with excuses"

[DoggyLady]

Originally Posted by CoolBee

This is an important realization and something I have personally had to go through.

I was talking about something with my sister a few weeks ago when I suddenly realized that a similar pattern has repeated through my life since childhood - let's call it being 'Deputy Parent' - into certain areas of my working life - ie the feeling of having all the responsibility (ie be the one who would get 'told off' if the younger ones didn't behave or got hurt) and none of the privileges or means of 'control' (eg couldn't ground them, couldn't stop their pocket money) and has appeared in my working life on more than one occasion!

my relisation of how my patterns came about a few mths back. mom was upset with me for something i didn't do,

for the first time, i was not defensive or beating myself up and instead i asked politely that she make a phone call to inform me what she needed me to do next time, so that i know to do it for her.

suddenly she became very defensive and evasive. it became clear to me that she was being childish. it dawned on me, she was refusing the respnsibility of communicating her expecations.

so as a child, i had impossible expecations to fulfil. i was supposed to magically know what was expected of me . and when i didn't know i was suppsoed to do them, i was blamed. so it became like, i felt there's something wrong with me. cos i was always doing something wrong no matter how hard i tried. and i couldn't ask for help, because if i asked, i would be puniished because i was SUPPOSED to magically know how to deliver the expectations.

no matter what happened, i always at fault.

so my belief that "it's all my fault. it's all my problem. i cannot ask for help." spilled into my workplace.

i just need to be alert to not let this pattern of behavior keep taking control of me.

[CoolBee]

Sharing WHICH ?

my problems with my customers? or my Realisations?


What's the definition of "fob" ? i tried to search dictionary online, but dictionary says it means "bluff" , or "evade with excuses"[/QUOTE]

I meant share the problems you are having with your customers with your boss.

"Fob" = try and deflect you so 'fob you off' would be 'oh it will get better' (but HOW?) or 'it's just because you are new (dearie)' or 'I'm sure you are making it sound worse than it is'. Basically, trying to belittle your experience - probably partly because he is afraid of talking directly to those people himself.

At the moment, you are very much a go-betwee between them and him. You are carrying the can. Time to give him the can to carry for a while.

I was just thinking a bit further about your two pains. Next time they ask you something, check the contract. If what you are doing is within the contract, say "I'm sorry, but the contract clearly states 2 weeks on this, not 1 week". (or whatever is appropriate to the situation). See how they react. They might start backing down.

What's the worst they could do? Say "We want to speak to your manager."

[CoolBee]

Originally Posted by DoggyLady

so my belief that "it's all my fault. it's all my problem. i cannot ask for help." spilled into my workplace.

i just need to be alert to not let this pattern of behavior keep taking control of me.

At least it hasn't taken you to age 50 to find the pattern