Difficult parents, need help real fast

[akitoes]

Hi everyone, first post here

I don't really know how to start this post so I'll just go with the flow.

I graduated from high school one year early last summer, and decided to take a gap year since I wanted to take some time off school - despite the fact my mother strongly disagrees with it.

My problem is that every time she's stressed from her work she lashes out on me staying home all day even though I've sent job applications, am preparing my college apps, reading lots of books about entrepreneurship and economics, etc. One day she's supportive and asking me how things are going, and the day after she'll be yelling about how I'm useless and lazy, and how I'm leeching off her & no one she knows takes gap years (it's unusual in our country)

Has anyone dealt with a similar situation and how did you manage it ? I'm really at a loss so many thanks in advance.

[Mikahcho]

I have short-tempered parents and can relate to the situation, so I'll post my take on this.

I think that 'fighting' her when she lashes out would be the wrong thing to do. It would, most likely, add fuel to the fire and cause her to get angrier. You've got to understand that she's stressed and her coping mechanism, her way to deal with stress, is to let it out through anger.

I know it's difficult, but remain calm when she gets mad, try to explain that you're trying hard. If she's anything like my parents, she'll get angrier and ask why you don't have a job yet, if you're trying so hard. At that point, just apologize and say that you'll try harder.

Just try agreeing and apologizing. Though it hasn't decreased the amount that my parents yell at me, it's helped to reduce their temper. Good luck.

[votoshka]

Do you help out around the home? I would be happy enough for my kids to take a gap year, but if I was working during the day, and coming home to a messy house that my kid hadn't even bothered to help with, I'd be pissed too!!

Yes, you may be doing "other stuff" which could be classified as working, but it is frustrating to come home at the end of the day to be confronted with a messy house when there's been an able bodied human in the house all day!

Just thought I'd throw that out there .

[TonyToneTone]

Don't expect your happiness to come from your Mom. If she's in a good mood be happy, if she's in a bad mood, be happy. She's a person with her own issues that she's struggling with.

And Votoshka said some good advice too. Ask your Mom where you can help out.

[awdye]

Originally Posted by votoshka

Do you help out around the home?

Agreed.

Either pay rent or earn it in work around the house. Someone has to pay bills and deal with maintenance.

There are always things that need to be done...and don't limit it to running the vacuum or dusting. Maybe the front door needs paint. Or the bathroom tiles re-grouted.

I once asked my step-son, who was basically doing the same thing, "If you were to move out, would we miss the contributions you make?" It got him thinking, but not really moving. Grrr...