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quiethumir · 11-15-2011, 02:14 AM

Please discuss. Thanks

WisdomDome · 11-15-2011, 03:00 AM

This is an answer that only you and your significant other can answer. Of course everybody has their own opinions on this, some people can spend every minute and second with their significant other while others need a lot of space.

Some people would say that the desire to be around your significant other all of the time is unhealthy, but the only way that it would be unhealthy is if it were because of trust issues or obsession. If you genuinely enjoy their company then there's nothing unhealthy about it.

What I would recommend is to just ride out the relationship and use your discernment to observe how much space she/he needs. If you're comfortable enough to talk about, then ask your significant other if they feel that you two spend enough/too much time together. Discuss how much space you two would like and come to an agreement so that there are no misunderstandings or problems with the current amount of time that you two spend together.

If you have a tenancy to be especially clingy or distant, tell your significant other so that they know what to expect. As long as you two can come to a medium and both remain happy in the relationship without being confused about what the other persons true intentions are then everything should be fine.

Remember, it takes communication, honesty, and trust to develop a healthy relationship. As long as you two are comfortable discussing things then the relationship will be much more smooth.

quiethumir · 11-15-2011, 03:07 AM

Hey WisdomDome, thanks a lot for your thoughtful response. I'm asking this because I'm about to get into a relationship hopefully. I just asked someone out. I was thinking about emotional attachment though, but your post helped.

I like your website by the way

WisdomDome · 11-15-2011, 03:50 AM

Oh, well congratulations! I hope that everything works out for you, new relationships are always exciting on so many levels!

Emotional attachment is difficult because it's generally something that you don't have much control of on a conscious level. While to a large extent you do have control of your emotions, there are some things that influence our emotions that we don't necessarily have control of until we learn balance from experience.

This brings back a memory of learning emotional attachment and emotional detachment. I can't speak for everybody, but I remember a period of my life where I was incredibly attached to my significant other for about 2 years after falling madly in love, and then I had to learn detachment because I let myself get way too attached.

There was a point where I had no motivation or desire to do anything without my significant other, which as you can probably imagine was incredibly unhealthy - so life had to teach me what I had to learn. The relationship still exists, but there was a bumpy spot that taught me what I needed to learn for the development of my spirit and my consciousness.

In this situation, I feel that this is something that would be out of your control and that you have to experience in order to find a medium, or balance which doesn't feel forced or thought about, but instead something will you will learn to develop as natural as it is to breathe. I think that it's something that you just learn as life teaches it to you.

I strongly believe that this depends on you. You'll experience the lessons that you need to learn, and nobody's lessons are the same.

In any case, I wish you the best of luck!

WisdomDome · 11-15-2011, 03:58 AM

Reading what I wrote above, I'd like to elaborate on what it is that I meant.

You don't have to think about breathing - you just breathe. Whereas if you become attached to somebody, you can't necessarily control the feeling of attachment, at least I didn't feel that I was able to. Once you experience attachment and detachment, you learn to develop the balance which comes as natural as it is to breathe.

You may not have to learn as I have, as we all have different lessons to learn in life, but that was my experience and what I took from the whole thing.

Hope that's a little more clear!

11-15-2011, 02:14 AM	#1 (permalink)
quiethumir Senior Member Join Date: Nov 2010 Posts: 283	How attached or detached do you need to be for a healthy relationship? Please discuss. Thanks

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11-15-2011, 03:00 AM	#2 (permalink)
WisdomDome Member Join Date: Aug 2011 Posts: 31	This is an answer that only you and your significant other can answer. Of course everybody has their own opinions on this, some people can spend every minute and second with their significant other while others need a lot of space. Some people would say that the desire to be around your significant other all of the time is unhealthy, but the only way that it would be unhealthy is if it were because of trust issues or obsession. If you genuinely enjoy their company then there's nothing unhealthy about it. What I would recommend is to just ride out the relationship and use your discernment to observe how much space she/he needs. If you're comfortable enough to talk about, then ask your significant other if they feel that you two spend enough/too much time together. Discuss how much space you two would like and come to an agreement so that there are no misunderstandings or problems with the current amount of time that you two spend together. If you have a tenancy to be especially clingy or distant, tell your significant other so that they know what to expect. As long as you two can come to a medium and both remain happy in the relationship without being confused about what the other persons true intentions are then everything should be fine. Remember, it takes communication, honesty, and trust to develop a healthy relationship. As long as you two are comfortable discussing things then the relationship will be much more smooth.

11-15-2011, 03:07 AM	#3 (permalink)
quiethumir Senior Member Join Date: Nov 2010 Posts: 283	Hey WisdomDome, thanks a lot for your thoughtful response. I'm asking this because I'm about to get into a relationship hopefully. I just asked someone out. I was thinking about emotional attachment though, but your post helped. I like your website by the way

11-15-2011, 03:50 AM	#4 (permalink)
WisdomDome Member Join Date: Aug 2011 Posts: 31	Oh, well congratulations! I hope that everything works out for you, new relationships are always exciting on so many levels! Emotional attachment is difficult because it's generally something that you don't have much control of on a conscious level. While to a large extent you do have control of your emotions, there are some things that influence our emotions that we don't necessarily have control of until we learn balance from experience. This brings back a memory of learning emotional attachment and emotional detachment. I can't speak for everybody, but I remember a period of my life where I was incredibly attached to my significant other for about 2 years after falling madly in love, and then I had to learn detachment because I let myself get way too attached. There was a point where I had no motivation or desire to do anything without my significant other, which as you can probably imagine was incredibly unhealthy - so life had to teach me what I had to learn. The relationship still exists, but there was a bumpy spot that taught me what I needed to learn for the development of my spirit and my consciousness. In this situation, I feel that this is something that would be out of your control and that you have to experience in order to find a medium, or balance which doesn't feel forced or thought about, but instead something will you will learn to develop as natural as it is to breathe. I think that it's something that you just learn as life teaches it to you. I strongly believe that this depends on you. You'll experience the lessons that you need to learn, and nobody's lessons are the same. In any case, I wish you the best of luck!

11-15-2011, 03:58 AM	#5 (permalink)
WisdomDome Member Join Date: Aug 2011 Posts: 31	Reading what I wrote above, I'd like to elaborate on what it is that I meant. You don't have to think about breathing - you just breathe. Whereas if you become attached to somebody, you can't necessarily control the feeling of attachment, at least I didn't feel that I was able to. Once you experience attachment and detachment, you learn to develop the balance which comes as natural as it is to breathe. You may not have to learn as I have, as we all have different lessons to learn in life, but that was my experience and what I took from the whole thing. Hope that's a little more clear!

Personal Development for Smart PeopleTM Forums

Personal Development for Smart People^TM Forums