Not easy to be Real

[DoggyLady]

We are supposed to be love people and genuinely be interested in people.

But fact is, it's hard to be REALLY interested in people.

Most of the time, we want something in return.

Our compliments are flattery.

Our interests are calculated.

We are too self absorbed to notice other people.

I would like to change.

But it's hard.

How to smile to make another person's day brighter, when I'm feeling grumpy?

Has anyone here successfully made the change?

[Arz Sra]

you just smile.

[Kait]

I give hugs because chances are, I need one too

[DavidW]

You have no obligations but to yourself. It is not your responsibility to make people happy. It can be a goal, yes, but you can't go on carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders. Take care of making yourself happy first and you'll be naturally inclined towards making others happy.

[The Cloud]

Originally Posted by DoggyLady

Has anyone here successfully made the change?

Such a change may not be possible. A grumpy person isn't going to be able to dole out smiles, and a person who needs to be interested in other people to affirm themselves will likely never be interested or affirmed. It may be that only the person who can forget about other people can ever be truly interested in them.

[Andrew Gubb]

Maybe start by just not smiling when we don't feel like smiling. Don't be nice when you don't feel like being nice. Start being really real, even if people don't like it. Embrace your dark side.

Then learn how to smile because you want to smile, and be nice because you want to be nice.

[WilliWibald]

yes, I second that. Be authentic. That means looking grumpy if you are. There is beauty in being authentic. You present yourself to the other person totally honest and that is a gift (that they can accept or not :-) ).

[FlabRoshi]

Being whatever you are, or are not, is as real as it gets.

[Acting Like Godot]

Our compliments are flattery.

Nah. I only hand out genuine compliments. Either that, or I don't hand out any at all.

[DoggyLady]

Originally Posted by WilliWibald

yes, I second that. Be authentic. That means looking grumpy if you are. There is beauty in being authentic. You present yourself to the other person totally honest and that is a gift (that they can accept or not :-) ).

are you sure....

looking grumpy is not good. nobody likes a grumpy person.

i don't think it's going to work if i walk around looking grumpy and be aloof.

i would alienate myself. and there goes my promotion, networking, team spirit etc.

sigh... maybe thats the problem...

i fear so much that i don't like it when im grumpy. and i feel that i'm doing the wrong thing when i'm grumpy.

so i should accept myself being grumpy? that's it's ok to be grumpy?

and trust that people will accept me back when i'm out of the grumpy state and can smile again.

[DoggyLady]

Originally Posted by Arz Sra

you just smile.

sorry that does not work.


i have experienced extreme sitautions where my body rejects the smile. and i ended up feeling nauseous.


otherwise what i manage is a weak or sad smile.

smiles must come from the heart.

what i often try is to consciously shift my feelings.

but it does not always work well. if i'm in the dumps, then i'm in the dumps. i can't make myself feel happy, when i'm struggling with some things in life.

and that's how i'm feeling right now.

how come some people are never grumpy?

[jeresteem]

Originally Posted by DoggyLady

We are supposed to be love people and genuinely be interested in people.

But fact is, it's hard to be REALLY interested in people.

Most of the time, we want something in return.

Our compliments are flattery.

Our interests are calculated.

We are too self absorbed to notice other people.

I would like to change.

But it's hard.

How to smile to make another person's day brighter, when I'm feeling grumpy?

Has anyone here successfully made the change?

Hi , I was exactly the same as you, I did put a tick mark against all of these, and it’s great to see how far we have come and how far we can go.

waiting for the right time is a toughy to get over, but it’s a matter of pushing yourself and knowing that you will make mistakes, but also know that you will learn from your mistakes and you will get there a lot quicker than actually waiting. Momentum is a great healer for waiting.

[Mikahcho]

Originally Posted by DoggyLady

are you sure....

looking grumpy is not good. nobody likes a grumpy person.

i don't think it's going to work if i walk around looking grumpy and be aloof.

i would alienate myself. and there goes my promotion, networking, team spirit etc.

sigh... maybe thats the problem...

i fear so much that i don't like it when im grumpy. and i feel that i'm doing the wrong thing when i'm grumpy.

so i should accept myself being grumpy? that's it's ok to be grumpy?

and trust that people will accept me back when i'm out of the grumpy state and can smile again.

I think I can relate to you... People always say be yourself, but what if you're just a grumpy person, am I right? Being yourself might not be the right thing to do. Are you meant to change yourself? Isn't changing who you are against being who you are?

I think I'll be keeping an eye on this thread, thanks for all the advice guys.

[Ikkxs]

Being authentic is easier said that done.

The problem is not you but a lot of people can't deal with people who feel not so well. And this is fixed into education. How many things do parents tell children 'don't cry'. They are not saying "don't cry" but "don't cry because I can't handle it".

Also when you smile at a girl she has the reaction to start thinking you are hitting on her.

The change will start with yourself.

Nice video to check out

LINK

[The Cloud]

Originally Posted by DoggyLady

and trust that people will accept me back when i'm out of the grumpy state and can smile again.

That's the wrong thing to put your trust in, because it's very dependent on other people. If you depend on other people to be a certain way, then you'll always try to influence them to be that way for your own purposes, and it sounds like you want to get away from controlling other people. Perhaps you should trust that you'll still be able to smile again even if people don't accept you back.

[James81]

Originally Posted by DoggyLady

are you sure....

looking grumpy is not good. nobody likes a grumpy person.

i don't think it's going to work if i walk around looking grumpy and be aloof.

i would alienate myself. and there goes my promotion, networking, team spirit etc.

sigh... maybe thats the problem...

i fear so much that i don't like it when im grumpy. and i feel that i'm doing the wrong thing when i'm grumpy.

so i should accept myself being grumpy? that's it's ok to be grumpy?

and trust that people will accept me back when i'm out of the grumpy state and can smile again.

Well, you can accept and express your grumpiness, and that would make you authentic. But I wouldn't recommend it.

I think your energy would best be spent in figuring out why you are grumpy in the first place and finding a way to change your mind about it so that you can be authentically happy. I'd rather be authentically happy than authentically grumpy, wouldn't you?

[spooky]

My goal is to approach people with the same amout of kindness and love that I do when holding a puppy. Certain environments can make that challenging, but you can't let others or yourself get the best of you. Be present with your surroundings and open to love and gratitude.

- Tyler

[Acting Like Godot]

Originally Posted by James81

I think your energy would best be spent in figuring out why you are grumpy in the first place and finding a way to change your mind about it so that you can be authentically happy. I'd rather be authentically happy than authentically grumpy, wouldn't you?

Ahh .... The question is whether you would rather be inauthentically happy or authentically grumpy.

[Acting Like Godot]

Originally Posted by Mikahcho

Are you meant to change yourself? Isn't changing who you are against being who you are?

Unless of course the self is meant to be a constant work-in-progress, evolving and changing over time.

[Acting Like Godot]

Originally Posted by spooky

My goal is to approach people with the same amout of kindness and love that I do when holding a puppy.

Some people are allergic to dogs.

[RonSouther]

Originally Posted by Acting Like Godot

Ahh .... The question is whether you would rather be inauthentically happy or authentically grumpy.

Yes! and to give yourself the freedom to be grumpy will make you happy!

Just be you, the world around you will adjust, and life goes on. Joyful living comes from nowhere else than being yourself.

[Canadian]

Maybe you find that "it's hard to be REALLY interested in people" because the people around you suck and are not interesting.