Can affirmations help me with improving my confidence and facing my fears?

[Kch]

i want to overcome some of my social fears. As well as actually going out to do them, like all of us i have fleeting negative thoughts every now and again. To really push myself through my comfort zone i need something extra which is why i was wondering if i got 3 affirmations wrote them down on a peice card looked at them everyday and recording them and listen to them everyday would this be make a difference?
along with action aswell ofcourse

[WilliWibald]

Ha, I would like to know that too. I was never consistent enough with affirmations. I think they work... but I also would like to hear from someone who has used them successfully.

I like the idea of not only reading them or saying them out loud but listening to a recording of them. This could be a double-punch against the old beliefs.

[FlabRoshi]

It depends on what the affirmations are, but I think you know that they won't make much difference either way.

Unrealistic affirmations can actually make the issue slightly worse, because repeating something you don't believe creates cognitive dissonance, which is stressful.

In CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy) the focus is on gradually shifting to more realistic and supportive ways of thinking. I recommend reading some self help books on CBT for social anxiety because there is a lot to know that is beyond the scope of a forum post.

[taylor]

Affirmations can help if done with a specific end. They aren't magic but you can use them to focus your mind and bring you into a certain state where you are more outgoing or confident. If you just read the affirmations it's unlikely it'll do much of anything. (I tried that myself and got squat for results.) You'll have to read them only to bring you back to your goal of being relaxed and outgoing. You should be able to feel this in your body whether your affirmations are working or not.

The goal here is to get into the state you want to be in, so use body movement and affirmation and music or anything really to get you loosened up and outgoing. I do a little ritual of loosening up before any public speaking or social event. I know it's going to help me stay in a good state for communication. I also avoid doing any intellectual work just prior to going out because I know that will tend to stifle my expression and make me overthink things.

For social stuff it's not about pumping yourself up into an emotion, but about loosening up.

Also, I wouldn't have an affirmation like "People like me" or some such thing, but instead make an affirmation that focuses on your own vibe and what you can control.

[awdye]

I think affirmations can help...BUT...only if you believe them and they push you towards action.

The only way to conquer fear is to risk. It's helps you learn the fear is your own illusory construction.

[Frisky]

I'm good enough
I'm smart enough
And doggone it, people like me

[Mickeyjay]

I used affirmations before and it really worked. Like what the others say, you can't just say them, you have to FEEL it! Especially with confidence issues, it'll be a good idea to practice affirmations in front of a mirror looking at yourself. I used to use affirmations to replace negative thought that came up.

[spooky]

You're bringing in good practices, keep it up! I also recommend starting your day being fully present, aware, and grateful. Not to push spirituality on you, but for me walking to my car every morning across a beautiful grass lawn, I remember to take in life and the low confidence disappears and I set the tone for my day. You start to concentrate on what really matters.

I've gone through the exact situation, and here's the other advice I can offer you:

Be aware when you're being hard on yourself and how you naturally fall into a state of low confidence. It's a learning process, but it starts with the awareness. It's okay to fall into that space (and make sure you tell yourself that!) but question your thoughts (Can you know what you're thinking is 100% true?). Investigate, investigate, INVESTIGATE your thoughts. You'll find that your inner ego is getting the best of you, not your true self. Notice the difference.

Confidence can't be fixed overnight, but this has helped me tremendously over the last year.

[TonyToneTone]

Originally Posted by Kch

i want to overcome some of my social fears. As well as actually going out to do them, like all of us i have fleeting negative thoughts every now and again. To really push myself through my comfort zone i need something extra which is why i was wondering if i got 3 affirmations wrote them down on a peice card looked at them everyday and recording them and listen to them everyday would this be make a difference?
along with action aswell ofcourse

Yes, also visualize yourself having conversations with a few people at once (2 or 3) and seeing the conversation go great and everyone enjoying what you say. It'll send powerful new messages to your brain to create this for you and that this is what your reality looks like.

[True Believer]

I have been in this position myself. the affirmations will definitely work if you believe it. What I did was write all the positive things that I am, e.g. 'I am friendly, I am nice, I am funny etc. before I went on to face my fears.

I also pictured myself in the situation that I was due to face and made up scenarios where I was in control. On the other hand I wrote imagined what would happen if it didn't go to plan and then saw it really didn't matter!

Good luck.

[ellie]

Yes. I guess for me it's more like a pep-talk to myself. It really does help.