Issues with some people at school

[Man]

Okay, not really "issues" per se, but it's something that has been bothering me, and I could use your insight.

I am in graduate school right now, and I just became an officer for the student organization. The other day we had a huge festival where a lot of students came. I, along with the other officers, was in charge of preparing for it (setting up, getting the food, cleaning up). I felt the festival went very well.

Anyway, I checked Facebook the next day and saw one of the officers thanked every one of the officers individually on their status, except for me. I was a little upset, considering how much work I put in. I did more work than some of the other officers. I even spent a great deal of time helping him out. I'm not sure what made him not acknowledge me. He did say "I am glad to call all of you friends" after listing the officers on the status. Maybe he doesn't consider me a friend? Sure, but he did acknowledge an officer he had just met that day. It doesn't make sense. He is a very intelligent guy too, has lots of friends (his facebook had 1200+ friends; doesn't mean much, but shows he is social). I didn't do anything wrong either...come to think of it, I did ask for a ride home from one of the other officers, and this guy wanted a ride to his car which was parked far away from the school. there wasnt extra room in the car so he had to walk to his car at night...could he have been mad at me for that? i also abstained from an after-festival party to the bar they were having, since i had to do hw, and insisted on going home instead.

Also, there's this other officer who seems a little snooty towards me. I don't know why. I didn't do anything to her. I'm an easygoing, nice guy, so what's up with these people? I've been at this school for about a year now, and I haven't met people like this ever.

I know I'm wasting time thinking about this...but it hurts. I used to be reserved when I was younger, but am a lot more outgoing now. These people remind me of the times I felt left out in high school, and people sorta treated me like a doormat.

So should I just let it go, since it's just a FB post? Any way to confront him about it? What about this other officer who seems a little snooty to me? Appreciate the help!

[butterflyeffect]

Nah - no ones mad at your or dislikes you. You only just joined.

Check your FB privacy settings! If your no Fb mates you can't be tagged and if your profile has to allow people to tag you etc. Besides, its soo easy to forget someone if there is any more than two people!!!!! Not in an - "I don't like you way" but Geez Im tired, lets hammer this out and head home.

Your being human and worrying to much. I do the same thing! Besides, the girl was probably just preocupied, in a mood or projecting onto you. She can hardly dislike YOU if she just met you.

And you my dear, sound like your projecting your old experiences onto these new ones and saying "Where's the evidence that Im going to end up back here again?" Again, takes one to know one xx

[Man]

anyone else? it's a he btw. i feel the need to facebook message this guy and ask him what's up. how would i word the message though? in one of our other parties he pretty much ignored me.

[IvyW]

Let it go. don't msg him over this. Next time u see him, start a friendly conversation. If he blows you off.. then forget him & stop caring. Don't need to waste your energy worrying all the time.

[Came]

I get this everyday, not given enough or any credit. I'm 14 and in high school and just get ignored for everything. Theres hundreads of examples I could choose from bu the most annoying one was when we had to do a presentation or performance about the 60s. I chose to work in a group with 3 of my friends and we made a sci fi film (Inc time travel etc) so I wrote the script, planned it, edited it, animated it and made the music for it whereas everyone else jus did a two hour filming session. One of them wouldn't allow me to say that though. In th credits it said: Written by friend1 - not true, Edoted by me - true, filmed by friend2 - not true and directed by friend 3 - not true. Overall I spent over 10 hours of work on it at the very least and they still complained at me. Our teacher didn't give me any more praise than anyone else because she didn't realise how much I did. The thing that frustrated me the most though was when of themsaid "why do you always have to take all the glory".

I don't really think there is anything you can do without making youselfnlook cocky. Or Perhaps yOu should stub it out before it goes toofar.

[votoshka]

Originally Posted by IvyW

Let it go. don't msg him over this. Next time u see him, start a friendly conversation. If he blows you off.. then forget him & stop caring. Don't need to waste your energy worrying all the time.

This.

And also, don't assume that the FB thingy was deliberate! Is it possible that he inadvertently forgot about you? Is it maybe because you're new and you're just not on the list of people he usually updates on FB?

I think it's best to just let this incident go, treat this guy in a friendly way and see what eventuates. If he doesn't like you, so what? Not everyone in this world is going to like you, and there's no point getting upset over this.

I DO understand where you're coming from as I've been in similar situations in the past. I still remember being the only girl in the class not invited to another girl's party, and I thought it was deliberate (as you do) but the truth is she just forgot me. Yeah, it sucks but it happens. Months later she said something to me assuming I'd been there, and was surprised when I said she hadn't invited me. Sure you could get upset over being overlooked, but it probably is just because you're the new guy and he temporarily forgot you.

[ButterflyWoman]

Originally Posted by votoshka

And also, don't assume that the FB thingy was deliberate! Is it possible that he inadvertently forgot about you? Is it maybe because you're new and you're just not on the list of people he usually updates on FB?

That was my thought, as well. It's easy to make an oversight like that.

[180]

Firstly,

I can understand why you would be upset. Singling out someone who especially made a contribution isn't justice. IF he has a problem with you it should be on the merit of personal issues, not on your work. Thus, if anything, if he has a problem with you, he shouldn't be basing it on the work that you do. Fact is you contributed as much as anyone else and DESERVE a thanks.

The other issue is that it could be intentional. And I believe it was. Generally people don't go saying "Thank you, thank you thank you" to everyone. Especially if his officer status to equal to everyone else's. Case and point, as manager, I wouldn't tell all the other managers (and single out one) "Hey great job I'm glad to call you all my friends". It's kind of stupid and childish in general. Doing a job is doing a job, people of equal level don't reward each other for it. And just to clarify I used to be a manager of a restaurant. We don't pat each other on the backs ever. We do our job and shut up.

I believe he must be offended or threatened by you in some way.

But you sound like a nice guy. So whatever is his problem is with you must be incredibly benign. And I have to say you just do tit for tat. No thank you from him means you don't help him next time. He's defected and thus you cannot rely on his as a cooperator.

I understand the emotional hurt you have. I get it ALL the time on facebook too. When I get defriended by people I've treated well, I often have to remind myself not to go overboard on revenge. But it's VERY important to apply tit for tat. If you continue on helping him or trying to please him, you become a sucker and the same bad treatement continues.

Simply do equal treatment. Don't help him. If he does not thank you for your work than make no extra effort to help him but do not lose face in front of others. If people are snooty to you, return it. If people are nice you act nice.

This is the only law of treatment that will get things done. This is why being nice guy doesn't work. Nor does being bad boy work either. Believe me, My entire LIFE is dedicated to getting people to do things. I've been the nice guy, I've been the bad boy, and all shades in between. You simply need people to realize that if they do not things for you, they will get nothing. And if they do things for you, they will get something.

That is all. If you need to read how this theory works, I suggest reading some material on game theory and the computer program which calculated tit for tat as the optimal winning strategy. This is purported by Richard Dawkins and other social experiments. Including my life and the life of others I've seen.

[Acting Like Godot]

Why do you care so much what this person thinks?

You're in graduate school. Your main purpose is to learn whatever you went there to learn. Go and study.

Organising festival events and so on are okay, for fun and games. You do it to make some friends, meet some people, enjoy some activities and have something to say, on your Student Activities Report Card. That is all.

Don't get too hung up about recognition and praise, in that kind of context. The guy is not your boss, he's not your professor, he's not even your friend (apparently).

Why bother so much with what he thinks.

If I were you, I might quickly write a message on Facebook, back to all those people, including that guy, and say, "Wasn't it a great festival? Enjoyed working with all of you!" etc.

Then move on with your life.