testing the loyalty of a girl

[davidv90]

What are some ways I can test a girl to see if she consider me as possible boyfriend material?

I've been going out with this girl for 2 months and I'm getting mixed signals. Sometime I wonder if she's just using me or just need more time to get to know me. I'm all for waiting and being patience for her if she needs time. But if she's using me, I need to drop her like a bad habit.

[butterflyeffect]

I'm not sure why she would be using you? Maybe you could think about what you feel she has to gain by using you and then look at her behavior through that frame. And then look at why she may just want to get to know you better and do the same thing.

Maybe that would give you some clarity, also maybe clarify how YOU feel. Are you enjoying the relationship and spending time with her or would you rather be free to do your own thing.

[Traikan]

Have you considered just asking her?

[davidv90]

If I ask her, she'll tell me that she needs more time. Plus she's not going to tell me that she's using me if she is.

I think a good test would be to ask her to spend a weekend vacation where she has to pay 1/2 the cost. If she's not into me and is just using me, she won't go with me since she'll lose money. I think it's a good test where the end result will be a win-win for me. I get to know her better if she goes. If not I drop her and move on.

[ZephyrusX]

By using you, what do you mean? Are you talking about finances? If you are worried about her using your money, simply set a boundary (i.e preferably, Id like for us to pay for our own expenses) verbally and be very clear about it. Setting up tests just causes confusion. She might not go with you simply because she does not have the money to do so.

[Harmonium]

Originally Posted by Traikan

Have you considered just asking her?

Sounds like a potentially baaad idea haha. Actions speak louder than words.

[Criseyde]

Ask her out.

[Agota]

Maybe she's simply confused whether you like her or not and hence the mixed signals. I assume if she's going out with you for two months, she must like spending time with you. Maybe it's time to man up and ask her to be your girlfriend assuming you want that?

I also suggest to check your fears about being used. What she might be using you for in particular? I don't know you, but some guys have this phobia of women using them that they consider letting a guy to pay for a pizza gold digging. Really, what she might be using you for in particular?

[Agota]

Originally Posted by Harmonium

Sounds like a potentially baaad idea haha. Actions speak louder than words.

And in worst case, assuming she says no dude let's just be friends, he loses what?

[Mikahcho]

Maybe try asking about her thoughts on the relationship the two of you share? Or something along those lines. If the answer is at all mixed, I'd certainly consider turning away from the prospect of a serious relationship with her. Otherwise I can see this turning into a heartbreak for you.

I imagine, from what I can gather as to how some girls' minds work, that as soon as she realizes you've high-tailed it out of there, she's gonna try to hunt you down and get you back. You've gotta keep running though.

My two cents, good luck.

[BillyTheAdult]

this sounds like an exceedingly bad idea.

[RonSouther]

Originally Posted by davidv90

What are some ways I can test a girl to see if she consider me as possible boyfriend material?

I've been going out with this girl for 2 months and I'm getting mixed signals. Sometime I wonder if she's just using me or just need more time to get to know me. I'm all for waiting and being patience for her if she needs time. But if she's using me, I need to drop her like a bad habit.

Always be honest with her at all costs....see if she sticks with you or leaves....true love will make her drop her ego and try to understand the problem. If she's using you, it won't be worth it if you're being so honest. She won't want you to find out she's just passing time with you and not loving you so she will leave.

If you got true love in both of you, then being honest will stir the pot and the relating will be a journey of love. If not, then she's gone or you're gone and good!!! Why waste your life on something false? The truth will set you free!

Love can handle truth, lies can't.

[Fred Tracy]

If she's giving you mixed signals, then that's a bad sign. At two months, she should really be into you. That doesn't mean you lost everything just yet. But DON'T ask her to make the relationship more serious. Instead, draw back and focus more on hobbies, or flirting with other girls. This should have the effect you intend.

I take no responsibility if it blows up in your face, though.

[abcbac]

A Bronx Tale: Door Test - YouTube

Make her take the door test

[Harmonium]

Originally Posted by Agota

And in worst case, assuming she says no dude let's just be friends, he loses what?

He said he's not sure if she's using him. I think it's better to observe actions rather than take words at face value especially when it comes to gauging someones loyalty.

[BillyTheAdult]

Originally Posted by Fred Tracy

If she's giving you mixed signals, then that's a bad sign. At two months, she should really be into you. That doesn't mean you lost everything just yet. But DON'T ask her to make the relationship more serious. Instead, draw back and focus more on hobbies, or flirting with other girls. This should have the effect you intend.

I take no responsibility if it blows up in your face, though.

Because vindictive manipulation is the bedrock of any good relationship. Don't listen to me though, you don't have to look far to see that just about every thread I ever make is about my problems with women. That being said however, it is because I am trying to avoid relating to them in this way at all costs.

Sorry Fred.

[Agota]

Originally Posted by Fred Tracy

If she's giving you mixed signals, then that's a bad sign. At two months, she should really be into you. That doesn't mean you lost everything just yet. But DON'T ask her to make the relationship more serious. Instead, draw back and focus more on hobbies, or flirting with other girls. This should have the effect you intend.

I take no responsibility if it blows up in your face, though.

Um, Fred, if you would be a girl and you'd be dating a guy for two months and he wouldn't clearly express interest in making the relationship exclusive, would you really be all over him?

Dude says he's getting mixed signals from the girl, but um, maybe he's the one who's sending mixed signals in the first place?

I mean, usually, if you're dating a guy for two months and he doesn't ask you to be his girlfriend, you don't think "OMG HE MUST BE SO INTO ME! I'LL JUMP HIM RIGHT NOW!". You think that he's probably not that into you or simply not that interested in committed relationships in general and not a boyfriend material. Then, you start to withdraw, because seriously, how long can you wait until dude gets his act together?

I mean, this is like guys who complain that they met this girl and exchanged phone numbers, but she doesn't call them and they don't understand why. I'll tell you why:

SHE'S FREAKING WAITING FOR YOU TO CALL HER! MAN UP!

P.S. That's a general observation, it might not apply to the situation described in OP since there aren't enough details to evaluate that particular situation.

P.P.S. This is also assuming that the girl in question wants a comitted relationship herself.

[FelineNostalgia]

^lolz

See I don't see why asking her would be such a big deal, or just casually asking about her take on it. To me if you find it hard to be straight with someone that's a bad sign.

I'm curious to why you think shed be using you?

[Ikkxs]

Originally Posted by Agota

Um, Fred, if you would be a girl and you'd be dating a guy for two months and he wouldn't clearly express interest in making the relationship exclusive, would you really be all over him?

Dude says he's getting mixed signals from the girl, but um, maybe he's the one who's sending mixed signals in the first place?

I mean, usually, if you're dating a guy for two months and he doesn't ask you to be his girlfriend, you don't think "OMG HE MUST BE SO INTO ME! I'LL JUMP HIM RIGHT NOW!". You think that he's probably not that into you or simply not that interested in committed relationships in general and not a boyfriend material. Then, you start to withdraw, because seriously, how long can you wait until dude gets his act together?

I mean, this is like guys who complain that they met this girl and exchanged phone numbers, but she doesn't call them and they don't understand why. I'll tell you why:

SHE'S FREAKING WAITING FOR YOU TO CALL HER! MAN UP!

P.S. That's a general observation, it might not apply to the situation described in OP since there aren't enough details to evaluate that particular situation.

P.P.S. This is also assuming that the girl in question wants a comitted relationship herself.

This is a great post. It's all about asking and take action. For a girl it's not easy to call somebody to ask him out. In the past I was also very bad at giving signals because I was scared of being turned away but if you don't take any action then you will always loose.

[aelle]

Originally Posted by butterflyeffect

Maybe that would give you some clarity, also maybe clarify how YOU feel. Are you enjoying the relationship and spending time with her or would you rather be free to do your own thing.

This, exactly. There are two possible situations here: either your personal boundaries (in terms of how much fun you are getting vs. how much effort you are putting in, I suppose is your issue) are being crossed, or they aren't. If they are being violated, you would be better off ending the relationship regardless of the girl's intentions. If they aren't, how could she be using you if you are actually getting what you want from the relationship?

Setting up tests is a terrible idea at any stage of a relationship. Relationships grow on trust and honesty, not on mind♥♥♥♥s.

[Moriarty]

Originally Posted by davidv90

What are some ways I can test a girl to see if she consider me as possible boyfriend material?

I've been going out with this girl for 2 months and I'm getting mixed signals. Sometime I wonder if she's just using me or just need more time to get to know me. I'm all for waiting and being patience for her if she needs time. But if she's using me, I need to drop her like a bad habit.

oh man how old are you? why does there need to be a test? Just appreciate what you have and go with the flow. You will soon know either way. sheesh!

[fantasydreamer]

just be direct to the point,
tell her how you feel and ask her what are her intentions and where do you stand?
also make sure that you make her know that you just want honesty and don't want to play games so that she will tell you what she really intends to do with you because if she actually finds you useful, she might tell you something vague to string you along

[CoolBee]

Sadly, people do play games. A friend of mine (female) was getting mixed singles from her guy - all over her with soppy emails and texts 100 times a day one minute then nothing for 3 days with no good explanation.
So I showed her all the PUA sites - she was gob-smacked when she saw the tactic spelled out and came to realize he was baiting her into dependency (she's very independent) like one of those dogs who if you're nice to it one minute and horrible the next becomes totally dependent on you in a non-good way.
The rules for women are actually pretty similar to the rules for men (just sign up to newsletters from both PUA and women 'get your man' type sites and compare!). So you have no way of knowing whether she is into you and playing a game with you or if she isn't into you.
Just ask her straight and move on if you don't get the answer you want.
Basically though, if you have to ask this question, this relationship is not the one for you.

[Mikahcho]

Originally Posted by Agota

Um, Fred, if you would be a girl and you'd be dating a guy for two months and he wouldn't clearly express interest in making the relationship exclusive, would you really be all over him?

Dude says he's getting mixed signals from the girl, but um, maybe he's the one who's sending mixed signals in the first place?

I mean, usually, if you're dating a guy for two months and he doesn't ask you to be his girlfriend, you don't think "OMG HE MUST BE SO INTO ME! I'LL JUMP HIM RIGHT NOW!". You think that he's probably not that into you or simply not that interested in committed relationships in general and not a boyfriend material. Then, you start to withdraw, because seriously, how long can you wait until dude gets his act together?

I mean, this is like guys who complain that they met this girl and exchanged phone numbers, but she doesn't call them and they don't understand why. I'll tell you why:

SHE'S FREAKING WAITING FOR YOU TO CALL HER! MAN UP!

P.S. That's a general observation, it might not apply to the situation described in OP since there aren't enough details to evaluate that particular situation.

P.P.S. This is also assuming that the girl in question wants a comitted relationship herself.

Excellent answer.

Maybe you should just grow a pair and go straight in and ask her. How much longer are you planning to wait on this?

[fantasydreamer]

Originally Posted by CoolBee

Sadly, people do play games. A friend of mine (female) was getting mixed singles from her guy - all over her with soppy emails and texts 100 times a day one minute then nothing for 3 days with no good explanation.
So I showed her all the PUA sites - she was gob-smacked when she saw the tactic spelled out and came to realize he was baiting her into dependency (she's very independent) like one of those dogs who if you're nice to it one minute and horrible the next becomes totally dependent on you in a non-good way.
The rules for women are actually pretty similar to the rules for men (just sign up to newsletters from both PUA and women 'get your man' type sites and compare!). So you have no way of knowing whether she is into you and playing a game with you or if she isn't into you.
Just ask her straight and move on if you don't get the answer you want.
Basically though, if you have to ask this question, this relationship is not the one for you.

hi Coolbee
Can you recommend those PUA sites you showed your friend (for the guys and for the girls as well). I seem to be totally clueless about all these games guy play and what he did to your friend seems like what a guy did to me as well...

[CoolBee]

oh gosh, I just googled PUA Forums and randomly picked a few - it was a few months back now and I'm not sure precisely which one gave her the info!
There's loads out there.

Basically, she had never heard of PUA (pic up artistry for those still in the dark!) before. She thought it was only women who played games about playing it cool. She'd never come across the 'treat 'em mean and keep 'em keen' idea for one thing!

Here's one: www DOT puaforums DOT com

I mean the talk is like some ghastly sales course I attended once 'close that deal' - closers and all sorts.

[fantasydreamer]

Originally Posted by CoolBee

oh gosh, I just googled PUA Forums and randomly picked a few - it was a few months back now and I'm not sure precisely which one gave her the info!
There's loads out there.

Basically, she had never heard of PUA (pic up artistry for those still in the dark!) before. She thought it was only women who played games about playing it cool. She'd never come across the 'treat 'em mean and keep 'em keen' idea for one thing!

Here's one: www DOT puaforums DOT com

I mean the talk is like some ghastly sales course I attended once 'close that deal' - closers and all sorts.

thanks Coolbee! i havent really heard much of these myself before, just good to check them out to avoid being a victim next time ...

[Ikkxs]

Originally Posted by fantasydreamer

thanks Coolbee! i havent really heard much of these myself before, just good to check them out to avoid being a victim next time ...

There's a nice book of a Dutch guy who lived with PUA's for 3 months. Imagine those guys speak all the time about women and for the PUA's the Dutch guy was an expert as he dated already 3 girls in his live. So that shows how succesfull those PUA's are.