How can I get more out of my life?

[Came]

So, I'm a 14 and not really enjoying life. I'm not saying that my life is hard but I just feel bored and unsatisfied. I'm from the UK in high school, I get good grades but I'm not really considered a nerd just not really socially... desired if that's the right word to use. I don't really have any friends other than people in my class who talk to me occasionally but no one who really cares about me.

I spend most of my time outside of school on my computer making websites, mainly people in New York and get around £1000 a month from it. (Just so you know, I make that money from scratch.) It's good but I just wish I could balance a social life while making money. The problem is I don't really know where to start.

Nobody hates me or even really dislikes me other than the type of irritating people who mock me and make fun of me to try and secure their place in the social hierarchy.

I'm not particularly ugly or fat, I'm just not... hot I suppose. I'd do almost anything to change that as long as it's practical. To be honest the reason I came here is because of five words that keep repeating over and over again in my mind. It was actually one of the people from New York, I was sharing my screen with him and he saw me talking to a girl on facebook. He asked me if it was my girlfriend and I immeditatly said no. He asked me if I liked her etc. and I said I did but the reason she wasn't my grirlfriend was because she was "too hot". The words that really made me think was "you only live once, dude" But I can't stop thinking about it. I want to change, I want to be able to go up to her and ask her out while being confident she will say yes.

I've just started a biphasic sleeping plan, I'm going to be awake by 7am every morning. Maybe at the weekends I could start my day with a jog, I just feel that it's been so long where I've been in bed looking up at the ceiling while thinking "that was a good day".

I want to be able to walk through the school corridor where someone will say hi. I have never had a girlfriend, I'm not sure how normal that is but everyone around me seems to be having sex and getting drunk. I want to be able to laugh with people and not funny images on the internet.

I want to be able to enjoy my life... any tips?

[Came]

I did the test and apparently I'm a guardian. It seems right I suppose but it doesn't really fit as well as some of the others. Looking through the descriptions I think I'm more of a Rationalist, Fieldmarshal rather than a Guardian. I find it really difficult to talk to strangers unless there's a good reason. Often I take command of tasks and get the job done well. I also find it difficult to complete a task unless I plan it. Does that make sense?

[Ken Benjamin]

Originally Posted by Came

I did the test and apparently I'm a guardian. It seems right I suppose but it doesn't really fit as well as some of the others. Looking through the descriptions I think I'm more of a Rationalist, Fieldmarshal rather than a Guardian. I find it really difficult to talk to strangers unless there's a good reason. Often I take command of tasks and get the job done well. I also find it difficult to complete a task unless I plan it. Does that make sense?

In doing these tests you should always rely on your personal opinion over the test (that's the official guidance) so you're right on track.

There are aspects of Fieldmarshal type that overlap some Guardian parts so that can make sense.

Yes, the planning part makes sense.

Get a copy of Keirsey's book, Please Understand Me II, either buy it online or find it in a library. I think it might help you tremendously.

As for not fitting in, your type is less than 2% of the population so fairly rare, as is the case with all Rationals.

If you want to take another test, you can try the one over at Personality Tests and Type Profiles. The test shows percentages so you might gain some additional insight into the Guardian results there.

Go to Keirsey, however, for a deeper understanding of the types - particularly in his book.

[CroMagna]

At first I though you said you were 34. 14?? That's way too young to be so worried.
You have plenty of time to enjoy life. You probably won't see any of these people
after you graduate. Just focus on your studies. I'm glad you're not drinking underage.
Find one or two people to hang out with even if they're nerds, perhaps a sibling or cousin
to go to the movies or arcade with. HS is just a stepping stone.

[Came]

This is the result from the other site, I says I'm an intellectualist (1.5%)

[fallian]

ok Cameron first of all change your username haha just kidding

you actually remind me a lot of myself when i was 14, i also thought i was, not nerdy or anything, but also not very "hot". U are also a "why" learner i think, because just like me you always have to plan things out before taking action. That's why i will post my help schematically...

1) first of all : RELAX,RELAX,RELAX,RELAX,RELAX,RELAX,RELAX,RELAX,RE LAX,RELAX,RELAX,RELAX,RELAX,RELAX,RELAX,RELAX,RELA X,RELAX,RELAX,RELAX,RELAX,RELAX,RELAX,

why? : because the people that are in your school right now like 99% of it disappears from your life so why bother what they think about you.

2) i am 19 and i still don't have a girlfriend, why? Because i want to wait for that perfect girl. At you're age most of the girls act very very childish, so being in a relationship at that age is most of the times very annoying, not satisfactory and a waste of time.

3) It is only NORMAL to start having sex at 16, at 14 it's just plain ridiculous to worry about having sex.

4) i know this is cliché and you probally heard it a thousand times but you should go talk to the girl you really like, but plan it like you would plan a task. Just think of a few questions before you talk to her, and to comfort you're nerves you can buy an mp3 and play you're favourite song right before you go talk to here so you feel confident.

5) Maybe this can help you : ACT like you are confident, just walk straight up, show you are full of pride about yourself, like you're the king of narnia!

6) I know it is very hard to start a social life from scratch, but you can do it the same way you made those websites ( btw earning 1000£ a month at you're age is magnificent, you should buy some cool stuff with it, show people you are succesfull and you earn a lot of money). First start with you're class, try to come up with fun things to say, keep a conversation interesting, at you're age probally a lot of the kids game ( modern warfare or something like that) , you can talk about that with them. Try to approach new people i know it is very very hard at you're age, but you'll get better and better at it, and it will be an awsome skill if you grow older, keep that in mind

7) i don't know if you have a lot of time over if you don't go to school or make websites, but maybe you can look for a club that you would love to join, really think of one you would actually like to pay for to get in it, you will probally think bweik!! i hate sports or something, but mabe you could join a chess club, a world of warcraft club, a web design club, i'm sure there will be one in you're neigbourhood if you look long enough.

8) also stop worrying about the fact that you're "living the life" or "having fun enough" it's that worry that makes you not live life ironically. Just be yourself , act like you would act if you were the only person in the world, be you're true self and people will AUTOMATICALLY like you. it's as easy as 1 2 3.


i think these "tips" will get you a loooooong way

[yossarian]

Wow, you're a really strong INTJ, just like me, but your score is actually more extreme than mine.

INTJs like to plan a lot and act very methodically.

Socially, you should probably learn to stop planning. In a social situation it is better to be spontaneous and emotionally expressive than it is to be planning and methodical. The INTJ always wants to withdraw into himself, figure out a plan, then present the perfect answer. Socially, this never works, because you can't control social situations. You can just experience them as they happen.

As a fellow INTJ who has asked many of the same questions you've asked over the years, here is my best advice:

Question: How can I get more out of my life?

Answer: When you're afraid of something, do it anyway just to see what happens. Don't plan ahead. Just dive into the fear and feel the fear head-on, face the fear.

[Bradshaw]

You remind of myself when I was younger.

Basically, the problems you have are all in your consciousness, and they can be solved by going within. Your life is already going well, all it takes is a shift in your thoughts, and you'll be happy a greater percentage of the time.

I want you to think about this for a moment: You're making around £1000 a month and you have a host of other skills and talents; You also demonstrate impecable organization, grammar and a great deal of maturity in your post. And of course the fact that you've even arrived at these forums tends to demonstrate that you're much more conscious than the average 14-year old.

Strictly speaking, you're way, way ahead of other people your age.

Now think about it: Does it really make sense that you should be intimidated by, heck, anyone?

Walk proudly, walk with confidence. Talk with confidence. You're awesome--this is an undeniable fact. Look at the things you're writing with an objective eye. You are awesome, and that's all there is to it.

You're picking the wrong thoughts, honestly. I can't even phantom being your age, in your situation, and thinking those thoughts--they make no sense, if you just ponder it for a moment.

(Of course I did pick the same thoughts you picked now, at your age, because I hadn't really yet begun to consciously choose what to think about and how to feel, so I can understand why you think the way you do right now.)

The thoughts you should be thinking should be more along the lines of: "Ok, I'm obviously the hottest guy around. Time to fend off girls. Geez, why am I so awesome?"

Have you looked into the Law of Attraction? That's how I personally attracted a girlfriend. I think that for the intellectual, more withdrawn type of person it really is the way to go. It will also attract the right woman into your life, instead of just any random woman, and I think you'll find that this is actually far more important than just having random sex.

Heck, the other day an attractive woman asked me out. (Women will ask you out, once you go within and produce the right vibration). When she asked me what it is I do in my free time, I said, with total confidence: "Oh, I make websites on the Internet that produce passive income."

Her answer: "Ohhhh *eyes open up in further attraction*, you're such a resourceful man."

As for looking attractive, or "hot": 99% of it is your choice of clothes and the vibe you project. I often go out with a white gemstone chain necklace, very colorful t-shirt, nice shoes, I make my hair look nice and I'm always smiling, feeling happy and very confident.

Look into the Law of Attraction, or at least just investigate your common thinking patterns. I think it would be really useful for you.

[taylor]

How to get more out of life?

Do things 100% with no resistance instead of 50% while dragging your feet.

That one little tweak will change your life.

Everything will just work out better for you and you'll feel better to boot.

[Came]

Thanks for all the advice, the spare time I have left is usually spent on my computer. I want to be able to go out with friends and enjoy myself, at least occasionally. But I'm not really sure where to start... I don't really have any friends that would go out anywhere with me or do anything.

[yossarian]

Originally Posted by Came

Thanks for all the advice, the spare time I have left is usually spent on my computer. I want to be able to go out with friends and enjoy myself, at least occasionally. But I'm not really sure where to start... I don't really have any friends that would go out anywhere with me or do anything.

Keep your eyes open for opportunities to be social. There are probably people out there who would make good friends but maybe you're a bit blind to them. Try to open your eyes to the possibilities that are already there, but that your brain has automatically discounted.

[Came]

I also completely fff... mucked up today. I think I'm subconsiously manipulating this girl. It's really really strange but I actually think that's what is happening. Basically my first lesson today I sat next to a boy who's kind of a friend and he kept asking me who I likes. (I'm just goin tocall the girl like L and this other one G) I eventually gave in because to be honest I wanted the attention. I made him promise not to tell anyone but in my mind I knew it was inevitable that she would know by the end of the day. Three names were spinning through my head in fact I still dont even know. Eventually I said L. She is pretty, clever etc but I don't ever really talk to her. So without me realising he goes off and tells H (Gs friend and coincidently one of the names in my mind) she goes aroid telling people making me look like some sort of perverted nerd. She is a nice person really, she just didn't realise how serious this all is to me. I managed to convince everyone that the boy was lying - I'm quite a convincing liar bu I said that it was a misunderstanding. So then I get back to my form and L knows (the original girl) I knew the boy would tell her but I wasnt thinking and lied again and the to distract her I offered her £20 to do some Seo for me (Itaught her as well). Later I told her the truth ins sort of way... I said that I tomdthe boy that if I could askout anyone it would be G. This is ki d of the truth but g and l are friends and so she now probably knows.

I knew this would happen, I think I chose G for a reason, so I could get closer to L. Does this sound completely crazy? It was stupid even if I wasn't aware I was doing it. How do I recover from this?!!

[abcbac]

Your only 14 and have a bunch of time. You may be scared to do certain things right now like ask this girl out. But 5 years down the road, it won't matter if you got accepted or rejected. It just matters that you tried. Just act now because later on you are gonna regret not having the courage or not putting the effort to meet people. It may seem intimidating or even scary but trust me its not. Don't be scared of rejection.

[yossarian]

Originally Posted by Came

I also completely fff... mucked up today. I think I'm subconsiously manipulating this girl. It's really really strange but I actually think that's what is happening. Basically my first lesson today I sat next to a boy who's kind of a friend and he kept asking me who I likes. (I'm just goin tocall the girl like L and this other one G) I eventually gave in because to be honest I wanted the attention. I made him promise not to tell anyone but in my mind I knew it was inevitable that she would know by the end of the day. Three names were spinning through my head in fact I still dont even know. Eventually I said L. She is pretty, clever etc but I don't ever really talk to her. So without me realising he goes off and tells H (Gs friend and coincidently one of the names in my mind) she goes aroid telling people making me look like some sort of perverted nerd. She is a nice person really, she just didn't realise how serious this all is to me. I managed to convince everyone that the boy was lying - I'm quite a convincing liar bu I said that it was a misunderstanding. So then I get back to my form and L knows (the original girl) I knew the boy would tell her but I wasnt thinking and lied again and the to distract her I offered her £20 to do some Seo for me (Itaught her as well). Later I told her the truth ins sort of way... I said that I tomdthe boy that if I could askout anyone it would be G. This is ki d of the truth but g and l are friends and so she now probably knows.

I knew this would happen, I think I chose G for a reason, so I could get closer to L. Does this sound completely crazy? It was stupid even if I wasn't aware I was doing it. How do I recover from this?!!

Why do you feel the need to manipulate people? What would happen if you chose to cease the manipulation and just expressed yourself honestly?

[Andrew Gubb]

I'd kill to have been in your situation at 14. Already earning a livable income while doing what I love! I would quit school at the first opportunity. Though you're not me.

14 is not an age where everyone is supposed to have sex. If you were a 25 year old virgin I might start saying something. Actually I'd only really *worry* at 30. Then you must be having some block.

At this age if you're like me you're coming to terms with who you are, learning what you want and what you don't want, and so on. Sex will happen automatically when you have a deep connection with a girl who is vibing with you on your level. So long as you're strong enough to be honest with yourself and her about your feelings and to break socially conditioned boundaries. But I think you're a pretty strong guy, and a pretty socially free guy.

I saw a 14 year old girl the other day, and I thought, "is this the age when they start to do sex?" Not that I have anything against it, in fact I'm all for people expressing themselves as they see fit, but I do wonder if it's a bit forced at that age. Well, I don't know.

Don't think you're lacking anything in particular anyway. It'll come when it comes. If you need to, keep yourself satisfied with porno-tube type sites in the meantime. But I don't think it's like you have a raging hunger for sex. I think it's like you feel this gnawing dissatisfaction inside... and you don't know where it comes from, and can only look to the social explanation of it (you're not getting enough sex)...

But that's not true. Lack of sex isn't why you feel hollow inside. You feel hollow inside because there's something in you that wants to get out... a desire in you that normal society has no explanation for... it's bigger than what they're used to.

Tune into it. Get to know it. It's what life is really about.

If this resonates with you and you need more help, just ask.

[Came]

I don't even know if I was manipulating anyone now, I'm just confused. And uhh.. it's not like I am craving sex I was just saying that compared to people around me I haven't ever had a girlfriend whereas other people are having sex.

I suppose you're right, why should I care what people around me think but I don't want to kickstart a reason for people to bully me or laugh at me.