When a woman gets upset.

[fooka]

Why does a woman get upset when I tell her that she is free to ♥♥♥♥ other men should she willingly choose to do so? It's a declaration of female freedom! You're free. Want to ♥♥♥♥ that guy? Fine! Go ♥♥♥♥ him as long as he's clean and healthy. It's alright with me. Hear that -> A.L.R.I.G.H.T with me. We could have some group fun too if you want. Now let me give you a hug.

What is there to be upset about?

[elucidate]

Are you talking about a specific woman that you are in a relationship with here? I can think of a couple of reasons why this would upset certain women.

Maybe she doesn't want to ♥♥♥♥ anyone else...she just wants you, and when you tell her to ♥♥♥♥ other guys it might make her think that you want to ♥♥♥♥ other women too, which she may not be down with.

Also, it might make her think that you don't value her at all, since you are telling her to ♥♥♥♥ other men. Some women might perceive this to mean that you don't want her to yourself, which might be what she wants.

Basically, you are assuming every woman WANTS the same freedom you want. Some women want this freedom and other women are happy to just be with one guy.

In trying to give her freedom, you may have unwittingly insulted her?

[fooka]

For some reason I'm thinking of a home cat being taken outside and put on a green newly mowed lawn. Fearful, the cat looks around - too afraid to move, to afraid to stand up. It then slowly gains the courage to move, and runs back to the safety of the home as fast as it possibly can.

[Agota]

Generally, women like some possessiveness and jealousy from a man, since that makes them feel wanted. Assuming the woman we are talking about likes this as well, telling her to go ♥♥♥♥ other man makes her feel unwanted. It's no wonder she's upset then.

She might also feel that you don't value the relationship you have at all. Most people have a tendency to prefer exclusivity sex-wise in the relationships and they associate sex with lot of emotions. She probably feels hurt and betrayed by your proposal.

Also, have you assumed that she doesn't want to ♥♥♥♥ other people? I don't want to sleep with anyone else when I'm in a relationships. I'm not depriving myself of sex with other people, I simply don't want it. I wouldn't be happy at all if my boyfriend would say "Agota, you're free to ♥♥♥♥ anyone you want!".

[elucidate]

Originally Posted by fooka

For some reason I'm thinking of a home cat being taken outside and put on a green newly mowed lawn. Fearful, the cat looks around - too afraid to move, to afraid to stand up. It then slowly gains the courage to move, and runs back to the safety of the home as fast as it possibly can.

Maybe choosing women who are open to open relationships or polyamory is your best bet here.

Choosing women who are monogamous at heart is only going to cause you both confusion, and for her, hurt feelings.

[Beingist]

Double post

[Beingist]

From my experience with women, I have come to understand that they want to be cherished. When they're monogamous, they want to be cherished by one specific guy. When that guy tells her that it's okay to screw other guys, she doesn't feel so cherished anymore, and it makes her upset.

There's nothing wrong with this, btw. Perfectly normal. And, if you put yourself in her shoes (her monogamous shoes, at any rate), it rather makes sense. You'd feel the same way, I would think, if she told you as much.

There's also this--would you rather that, instead of getting upset because you don't cherish her as much as she'd prefer, would you rather she really go and have sex with anyone else she pleases, and in the process, perhaps find someone more preferable to her than you?

That's something you may want to consider.

[taylor]

She probably interprets it as you don't care about her.

It's alright to feel that way to me, it just means you aren't uptight or jealous.

Just don't say that explicitly unless you aren't bothered by upsetting her.

"It's not what you say, it's what people hear." - Frank Luntz

[Wombels]

Originally Posted by fooka

What is there to be upset about?

There are various reasons upon why males push there wife or girlfriend into areas certain areas of so called free whatever.

There are a thousand reasons why she might get upset, to not know her mindset upon that which you both share inside a relationship is already one.

Females have and carry fantasies, still, the construct of their fantasies is hardly ever understood by males, because most males lack emotional inside to simply grasp how a female mind works and acts when it boils down to sexuality.

Manny females need fantasies to come to an orgasm, while this might not necessarily include visions of there actual partner, many females do fantasies about having sex with other (more) men during the play with their partner. Most males amongst are best left ignorant about this truth.

Most females are also aware this is not exactly a topic to discuss, since they have come to understand most males are self centered while this would cause harm to their male-hood (ego) hence relationship.

Some males get a mental (hurt)rush to see or knowing their partner is having sex with another male, while other men are simply (joy)open minded, emotionally wise and verbal enough to bridge to their partner, which are the desires and boundaries which need to be discussed deeper in order to keep it all OK within what is being shared inside a relationship.

Desire is a nasty thing, most females don't enjoy sexual freedom, while mostly face consequences when they express little of their needs or worse hornyness.

Females are not free, they will be(come) some day, but they aren't quite yet, still a lot of work (education) ahead.

[FelineNostalgia]

I always suggest to my boyfriend that I'm happy enough for him to see other girls because I'm confident in the emotional bond we have, however, I respect the fact the idea makes him uncomfortable. Some people aren't at the stage of self confidence/ have no interest in separating sex from attachment. Be gentle with her

[wstein]

Originally Posted by fooka

Why does a woman get upset when I tell her that she is free to ♥♥♥♥ other men should she willingly choose to do so? It's a declaration of female freedom! You're free. Want to ♥♥♥♥ that guy? Fine! Go ♥♥♥♥ him as long as he's clean and healthy. It's alright with me. Hear that -> A.L.R.I.G.H.T with me. We could have some group fun too if you want. Now let me give you a hug.

What is there to be upset about?

Really??

(Most) Women are looking for involvement (read a relationship). They prefer an exclusive one where they get to feel special. Though it seems you are telling them to be free and do what they want, it comes across as you telling them you do not value them enough that you are unwilling to share them. It sends the message that they are not special to you.

[CroMagna]

Your guess is as good as mine buddy. One of my lovers asked me to be his girlfriend
but I requested an open relationship. We're both thrilled about the arrangement!
I'm a woman but I don't understand how women's minds work at all. It's like
they're from another planet. I find it annoying. I feel sorry for men because they have
to deal with these clingy emotional creatures if they want to get laid.

If I was a guy I would totally want to be gay. I only have one girl friend and hang
out almost exclusively with men.

I say dump her and only date liberated women.

[Criseyde]

Seconding what everyone else said, it's about feeling cherished/special. There's "I don't care about you"-you're free, and there's "you're amazing and wonderful and I love you"-you're free. Different things.

As a mod note, we generally discourage swearing on the forum. The occasional word here or there is fine, and the censor usually catches it anyway, but dropping the f-bomb every other word is unnecessary. As an aside, I'd probably be offended too if someone I was involved with told me to "go f*** other guys." It has different connotations than "have sex," that's for sure...

[ChristsLight]

The question is, why are you telling them this? I feel like there is something behind this statement.

I think everyone else covered well enough why some women might be upset.

[Agota]

I'd also like to say that an inability to understand why a woman would get upset when you tell her to go "♥♥♥♥ other guys" indicates a serious lack of people skills, since it's really not that easy to get why someone would get upset about this

P.S. I agree with Cryseide, there's a big difference between "have sex with other guys" and "♥♥♥♥ other guys".

[fooka]

I think the problem is I want to find a good woman whom I can spend the rest of my life with, but I don't wanna be alone while I'm looking. :-)

[Agota]

Maybe you can try being up-front with your intentions and not get into relationships assuming you're not looking for one (unless Ms. Right comes your way)?