|10-31-2011, 05:23 PM||#1 (permalink)|
Join Date: Jul 2011
I have a bro who is 32 and i'm 35.
Last week, we had a family event.
during the family event, I said i had to leave by certain time for another appointment. my brother was upset and said, "couldn't you be late for your appointment?"
The thing is, I had already communicated to dad very early about my other appt and he was ok with me leaving early, and he is the leader of the family.
My brother however was not ok and he said to me, "which is more impt? family or friends?"
I tried to assure to him that family is impt to me. And I explained that the reason i had to leave is because i value time integrity and keeping promises.
he also raised the point that i am a very "busy" person and not spending enough time with the family. I said, ok, he could communicate early to me (which dad did) and i would block off in my calendar to make time for family. Just let me know.
but although he listened, his response was "whatever you say. i can't stop you. you are too independent." he remained suspicious about my intentions and was clearly not satisfied with my answer. He expects me to be easily available to spend time with family.
He also said something about he cannot "count on" me. he also asked qn like "if your friend and i jump into the sea, who will you save first?"
I stared at him and see all his insecurities and fears. I see his attempts to control me in order to feel secure.
And I wouldn't let myself be controlled. My life is my own. I value my freedom and i suspect, it scares him that i've become such an independent person in recent years. he intepretes it that i don't care for the family. and he does not hear me when i told him the things i do for the family. apparently my acts do not count as acts of love to family.
What can I do with such a brother?
i feel like telling him the straight truth ? "you are being insecure and possessive."
but i doubt that would solve the problem.
it saddens me to see him so enslaved by his insecurity. and that the things i do, do not count for him. my attempts to assure my love for him remain rebuffed. It hurts.
It saddens me to see him coming from a place of scarcity of love.
FYI, he is also possessive about his girlfriend.
If he were my boyfriend, I would dump him. But i can't dump my brother can i??
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