is it me am I hard to deal with???

[harleychick]

Hello everyone...

This is my very first post on here.....

I am in need of some critizem and advice alone with opinions. First off let me say this I am 28 yrs old I have no family and really no good friends to turn to.

I am a very hard working and have worked since I was 11 yrs old, I have also went over seas to a combat zone for a year when I was 23 as a civilian and made really good money and was able to save every penny and come back home and buy a house 2 cars, 2 4wheelers, and a whole bunch of other toys...I also was able to get a very good job within the government and continue to work hard. I realize I have alot to offer for my age and with that being said my catagories for men are very hard for me because Im not a "rich" girl so I cannot seem to find a "rich" man because I dont go to college (never have), I dont like any kind of rich functions I am a very simple chick I like to hang out at the creek, ride my harley, cuss, and drink beer so I dont feel like I fit in with the rich crowd and then the for the medicore crowd I dont fit in because I have way more then them and I feel like they are only friend because I got money to spend and toys. So with all that being said I am very picky about who I date and who I give my heart to. I have been in long relationships before one was controling, one I screwed up because I was young and selfish, and one I got cheated on, and now this one I am in I cannot make heads or tails if its me or him . When been together for a yr and when I met him he lived with my brother and my brother was kicking him out because my bro said he was lazy and didnt want to pay bills so I move him in as a roommate and he gets a job and pays bill for 3 months...we get off the roomate status and actually start getting serious...well within this yr I have bought him 2 trucks a gun a gold chain and a bunch of other little happy's here and there...he has never bought me a flower, a card or nothing NOTHING! he pays the bills now but beings I own the house his monthly expense go around $300.00 a month and he makes $400 a week and I buy all the groceries, take us out places etc. and He complains about the $300 a month he has to pay....make along story short our anniversary was 2days again and thats when it hit me that I have been with him for a yr and he has never wine-n-dined me or bought me anything NOTHING..... he dont make me feel like a woman I went out of the way while I was at work and bought 2 tickets one for me and one for him that costed alot of money and had it for him when he got off work and he didnt even seem to care and when I asked him what he had me he said he had no money...Now our bills are slim but yet and still he always has beer and cigs but no money to do things for his girl that is very faithful to him and provides everything for us. So I finally had enough and blew up on him and I cussed him out and he hurt my feelings and I actually got physical with him. I dont want to be that type of person but I feel like i try so hard and get nothing in return. I dont want him to leave because I dont want to start over again and I am also 4 months pregant but how do I get him to realize what he has? I am not an ugly woman by no means and I just work hard that is who I am and I cannot help I have what i have....any sugguestions????

[Brutha]

I am in need of some critizem and advice alone with opinions.

Break your post into paragraphs.

he dont make me feel like a woman I went out of the way while I was at work and bought 2 tickets one for me and one for him that costed alot of money and had it for him when he got off work and he didnt even seem to care and when I asked him what he had me he said he had no money.

There are people for whom gifts don't mean much.
Different people communicate their love in different ways. If you consider gifts to be important and he doesn't giving him gifts won't make him buy gifts for you.

The 5 Love Languages | The 5 Love Languages explain the concept of different love languages.
It pays to actually talk to our partner about what matter to him and what matter for you.

[IvyW]

thats bs! you should never have to feel like the man in the relationship! if he loves you, you should be able to feel it.

Stop buying him ♥♥♥♥! you are not his sugar mama. Don't let anyone take advantage of you!

[just jr]

if you can find a reason to not to not love him then you dont really love him... if he is bad for you then you mind (hence why you are even asking this question now) will give you very subtle hints ( your common sense) its up too you if you want to listen

ps love is 50/50 if your really are doing all the work and buying all the stuff then fix it

pps dont give up your body to a man/women who doesn't deserve it

[C33]

Can I marry you? (I'm a girl) - Seriously, you are treating this man like most women would want to be treated by a man.

You sound like you have a lot of maturity in some areas, and a lot to catch up in others.

There is nothing wrong with a woman being the provider, but if doesn't feel right to you, that's the bottom line.

Do you truly love this man? Does he truly love you?

You seem to make a list of all your toys, and your toys make their way into your pseudonym.

It's not what you own, it's what or who owns you.

It sounds like it's time for you to do things for your own sake.

It's all about the agreement you make with your partner. It sounds like your partner thinks you have made an agreement to support him. What gave him this impression?

Please protect your assets, and everything you worked so hard for.You have made it easy for this man to be comfortable, but what does he do for you, to make you feel loved and secure in the relationship?

[Curious cat]

The song scrubs by tlc comes to mind after reading this post.

I think somewhere along the lines there was an unofficial, unspoken agreement that you would carry the relationship in financial terms. There isn't anything wrong with that unless you or your partner has a problem with it. It sounds like you have a problem with it.

Can you be honest here, is it possible that you place too much value in material things, and that is how you interpret and express love? Is it possible he does express his love to you, but in different ways? In ways which you don't assign value? You don't have to answer that here, just something for you to mull over.

If these issues are having such impact on you, i encourage you to talk to your partner about it. He won't know unless you tell him there is a problem. If my own relationship is anything to go by, i have learned that my husband is not a mind reader and he will go on by completely ignorant as to why i am sulking and snappy. Now i save us this whole step and just be honest with him if somehing is bothering me. I also find the way i approach him will impact how well the message is 'received'. Calm and uncritical gets through to him best.

Can i also just say that your assets are not a curse, unless you allow them to be. They are just things, and while they may attract the 'users' into your life, realise that you have control over how people treat you, but you need to be clear yourself on what those boundaries are, and be willing to enforce them when they are crossed.

Congratulations on your pregnancy, what an exciting time for you!

[Criseyde]

Originally Posted by harleychick

any sugguestions????

I have questions and suggestions. I think it's a big red flag if he complains about paying bills he can afford, but I'm going to kind of go with the benefit of the doubt here...

1. Does he help around the house? Is he attentive and loving?
- If no: he's a moocher. Dump him.
- If yes: quit buying him stuff for the time being and tell him how you feel in a calm and reasonable way. Problems don't get solved with fists, and if you have trouble convincing yourself of this, see #2. See if you can reach a common understanding and come up with a solution together. If you don't know how to do this, I recommend the articles on this site: www.intimacyandromance.com (Sandra is a member here)

2. What do you want to teach your child?
- Do you want to teach him/her that it's okay to sit around drinking beer and smoking cigarettes all day?
- What about physical violence? Do you want to teach your kid that it's okay to push others around like that? Or that it's normal if someone else pushes THEM around?

Good luck.

PS: I know lots of women who haven't gone to college and like to ride Harleys, drink beer, etc. but still have marriages with kind and loving men. So don't think you can't have that just because you don't have a degree and "fancy" taste or whatever it is you're thinking.

[Kait]

Originally Posted by harleychick

Hello everyone...

This is my very first post on here.....

I am in need of some critizem and advice alone with opinions. First off let me say this I am 28 yrs old I have no family and really no good friends to turn to.

I am a very hard working and have worked since I was 11 yrs old, I have also went over seas to a combat zone for a year when I was 23 as a civilian and made really good money and was able to save every penny and come back home and buy a house 2 cars, 2 4wheelers, and a whole bunch of other toys...I also was able to get a very good job within the government and continue to work hard. I realize I have alot to offer for my age and with that being said my catagories for men are very hard for me because Im not a "rich" girl so I cannot seem to find a "rich" man because I dont go to college (never have), I dont like any kind of rich functions

You have to ask yourself if you want a rich man...and if you do, I believe you would have to be surround by the rich. So yes, going to the functions would be nice but you don't even like it... So why don't you say to yourself... I want to be rich, so how do I make that happen for myself. You don't need a man to make you rich.


I am a very simple chick I like to hang out at the creek, ride my harley, cuss, and drink beer so I dont feel like I fit in with the rich crowd and then the for the medicore crowd I dont fit in because I have way more then them and I feel like they are only friend because I got money to spend and toys.

What makes you think there aren't guys out there (your age) that have all that you have?


So with all that being said I am very picky about who I date and who I give my heart to...I don't think your picky enough to protect your heart.



I have been in long relationships before one was controling, one I screwed up because I was young and selfish, and one I got cheated on, and now this one I am in I cannot make heads or tails if its me or him.

I would say it both of you.



When been together for a yr and when I met him he lived with my brother and my brother was kicking him out because my bro said he was lazy and didnt want to pay billsDid you at this time think he was going to be any different with you? Or did you think your bother was being hard to get along with?...This was a clear sign that he was bad news...that is my opinion.


so I move him in as a roommate and he gets a job and pays bill for 3 months...So if he can do it for three months why can't he do it through out his living there?



we get off the roomate status and actually start getting serious...Why did you do this? What did he promise you?


well within this yr I have bought him 2 trucks a gun a gold chain and a bunch of other little happy's here and there...Did you think he would love you more? You can't get love or respect this way. You first need to found out how a guy feels about you...and not just with words. They have to show it...and it may not be with MONEY but there or other "things" he can do to show his love...and be there for you. I hope these trucks are in your name? If not, you need to sign them over to him and make him responsible for his trucks all the other little things are a lose.



he has never bought me a flower, a card or nothing NOTHING! he pays the bills now but beings I own the house his monthly expense go around $300.00 a month and he makes $400 a week and I buy all the groceries, take us out places etc. and He complains about the $300 a month he has to pay....make along story short our anniversary was 2days again and thats when it hit me that I have been with him for a yr and he has never wine-n-dined me or bought me anything NOTHING.....
So now that you know this, what are you going to do now? Are you going to let him get by without doing anything or paying his bills. Or wine-n-dined you? If it hasn't happened now it aint going too.


he dont make me feel like a woman I went out of the way while I was at work and bought 2 tickets one for me and one for him that costed alot of money and had it for him when he got off work and he didnt even seem to care and when I asked him what he had me he said he had no money...
Did you think he would? He only makes 400 a week and it all about him and NOT about us. He sounds selfish.


Now our bills are slim but yet and still he always has beer and cigs but no money to do things for his girl that is very faithful to him and provides everything for us.
You feel very used up? Get a new man...get one that cares about you and trust me, you will know the difference.



So I finally had enough and blew up on him and I cussed him out and he hurt my feelings and I actually got physical with him. I dont want to be that type of person but I feel like i try so hard and get nothing in return.

You didn't need him in the beginning and you don't need him now. Love yourself first be kind to yourself first...You don't need to prove anything to this man...NOTHING. You need to chalk it up that this one is NOT respectful and he don't love you.



I dont want him to leave because I dont want to start over again and I am also 4 months pregant but how do I get him to realize what he has? I am not an ugly woman by no means and I just work hard that is who I am and I cannot help I have what i have....any sugguestions????

You don't need him and You dont need to make him realize anything. He already knows what he has...and it doesn't matter if your georgous or not. You have to be smart now and know your boundaries. Now its about your baby...NOT about him...If he wants to be apart of this childs life he will have to step up to the plate....and NOT for 3 months NOT for 9months. For the rest of this childs life. You haven't done anything wrong but give love and buy him things...I'm sure you have done other things too to show love. If you kick him out make sure you have all your ducks in a roll.


Good luck.