|10-28-2011, 07:04 PM||#1 (permalink)|
Join Date: Apr 2011
PE-How can I help?
It's been awhile since I've been here...nice to see you all again..
Anyways, I need some help. I've been dating a great guy for about six months now and all is well except one part of our sex life: He is constantly worried about orgasming too quickly. I really don't even mind that much, because it is not always this way. Over and over I have told him that it's okay and that I still get pleasure from and enjoy our sex. Really, it is him that I am concerned about. He works himself up so much about the whole thing that it becomes more of an issue.
It doesn't help that his ex made him feel terrible about it. I actually get really angry when I think about that. It's not how you should treat someone with whom you are in a sexual relationship. He is now extremely self-conscious of it, and when it happens he feels so awful. That is what ruins it for me, him getting so down afterwards.
So I am just wondering if any of you have suggestions on how I can help him calm down, or convince him that it's okay? I have tried just telling him that but he won't believe me or thinks I am just saying it to be nice. I just hate that he thinks that it makes him less of a man, because he is one of the best men I know.
Thanks in advance...
|10-30-2011, 06:21 AM||#2 (permalink)|
Join Date: May 2011
Without knowing your/your partner's age/details, it is difficult to know the exact issue.
Essentially, you can help by a combination of helping him achieve his sexual goals and altering his goals.
Here's what has helped for me in terms of physically avoiding PE.
- It's difficult to improve at anything without doing it.
- I felt pressure to perform well every single time (which in turn would cause me to perform poorly), or else she would have no incentive to increase frequency, and if we never increase frequency, how am I supposed to get better at it?
- Having less pent up sexual energy makes it easier to control ejaculation, which will breed confidence and then relaxation in the future.
- Guys experience less issues with PE as they continue to age. He's been there/done that and it just isn't as exciting. Not the answer he wants to hear, but it is reason to believe that he is not hopeless in the matter.
- I've always been able to relax more while I'm on bottom. It led to better performances, which gave me more confidence, which helped me relax, which lead to better performances, etc.
- I believe there have been some threads on the topic of coming to orgasm without physical stimulation. I'm currently experimenting with this (to no avail), but I anticipate having a greater physical mastery of myself, overall and sexually, to allow me to relax even when things get hot and heavy, and ultimately to have better control of orgasms. It may seem counter-intuitive, perhaps somebody with positive results from this experiment could comment.
What did help (among other things) me was lowering my expectations. When I stopped having sexual goals that were way overhead and chose more reachable goals, it was easy to begin reaching them and they began building upon each other. You can also help by making sure he understands that you don't expect him to ever be the best you'll ever have, and that it's far from your mind. And not that it's important to you, but you know he'll improve with time because you know he has the ability to improve in something he sets his mind to - you see self control in him, and therefore the ability to improve within him already, it's just a matter of time until he unlocks it.
One thing that helped me tremendously were that some friends, as a sports joke that I could tell actually had some truth behind it, used to talk about busting in 4.52 seconds, but trying to get it down to about the 4.25 - 4.30 second range. There was also a comic that had a hilarious punchline... "Premature ejaculation? No such thing. Every time I come [with eyes closed, head back, and a calm, cheek to cheek smile] is right on time. It made me realize that PE happens more often than guys care to admit, which, when I finally accepted it, was a huge burden lifted off my shoulders.
|10-30-2011, 07:00 AM||#3 (permalink)|
Join Date: Sep 2007
A lot of guys believe they have to go at it like jackhammers for ages, because they believe that's what it will take to make a woman orgasm. However, not so many guys are even AWARE that many women CAN'T orgasm with vaginal sex for long, and thus they're really not all that fussed about how long their guy can hold off for without orgasming!!
The point is, if he feels that he's not giving you enough pleasure because he ejaculates pretty quickly, then you can work in other ways of giving you pleasure, and ensuring you have an orgasm too. I doubt he'd feel so bad if you'd had 3 orgasms or more before he even entered . It might also take some pressure off his "performance".
|10-30-2011, 07:03 AM||#4 (permalink)|
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Sylmar, CA
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