Relationships with very similar people?

[Traikan]

I'm best friends with the girl of my dreams. We get along wonderfully and, while I'm not really thinking about marriage at all at this point in my life, she's definitely the kind of girl I'd like to live with.

However, our relationship is non-sexual and she has no interest in moving in with me.

I am 100% okay with this. I love her for who she is and I wouldn't trade our relationship for the world.

However (again), this puts me at a crossroads when it comes to looking for a romantic relationship.

When I ask my intuition what kind of girl I'd want to be in a long term relationship with, all I can think of is someone like my best friend. Visualizing being with someone just like her while still keeping in touch with my best friend gives me a negative gut reaction because I believe the people I spend the most time with should be diverse and distinctive. I believe that if I meet someone who is very similar to my best friend but interested in a long term relationship, something will have to give, possibly my connection with my best friend.

Is this a limiting belief I should dump?

Should I clarify my romantic desires further and focus on the differences between my ideal partner and my best friend?

Do I just bite the bullet and start relationship hunting to see what happens?

All of the above?

Something else entirely?

I've talked to my best friend about this, but as an asexual aromantic she has a hard time relating, so I opted to ask here.

[Brutha]

I'm best friends with the girl of my dreams. We get along wonderfully and, while I'm not really thinking about marriage at all at this point in my life, she's definitely the kind of girl I'd like to live with.

Do you feel love for her?

[Traikan]

Originally Posted by Brutha

Do you feel love for her?

Absolutely. I switched to polyamory because I love her and want to keep loving her but I know that an exclusive relationship with her wouldn't work out. We're a little more than best friends for sure. We say "I love you" to each other on a daily basis, flirt very shamelessly, and would do anything physical up to snuggling but below kissing.

[ssandra]

I understand that having a diverse group of people around you is something that you want to aim for.

However ,just because 2 people in your life are similar (and they'll never be the same, because one will be interested in sex and romance, where the other is not) doesn't mean that suddenly you are surrounded by people who are all the same.

All of the people you hang out with have at least one thing in common already anyway (they all like you!) and there will probably be more things. That doesn't take away their individuality. They are still their own people.

[Traikan]

That definitely feels right to me, ssandra. I'm going to focus on what's important to me, like her core values and a few habits/lifestyle choices, and release my expectations about the rest.

I have a habit of overthinking things and it usually takes someone else saying "or... you could do this?" for me to realize it.

Cheers!