am I over reacting or thinking irrationally?

[davidv90]

I have been dating this girl for 2 months and I almost always have to ask her to go out. I'm pissed off because I feel like there is an imbalance of power. I feel like I have no value and that I need to worship her. I feel like I'm dating a celebrity girl because she's just too good to ask me out and make plans.

Am I being ridiculous?

[ButterflyWoman]

Well, it's hard to tell, but maybe she feels that it's not her place to ask you or make the plans. Some girls are raised to believe that it's all in the guy's court, and that if she makes any sort of move toward asking him out or asking him to go somewhere, etc., she'll appear too forward or needy.

Given the limited information in your post, though, this is just one of a lot of possibilities.

Probably your best course of action is to talk to her, calmly and rationally, about how you feel, and see what she has to say about it.

[votoshka]

It depends on the reasons for her behaviour. Maybe, as CaterpillarWoman suggested, it's because of the way she was raised. Maybe it's because she's a bit shy. Maybe she just expects her partner to be the "dominant" one who makes decisions. None of these reasons should make you feel worthless. (In fact, I'd go so far as to feel somewhat worthless if I were with a guy who did everything so it really depends on your point of view).

You can always see how she responds if you don't call her for a few days, or if you don't ask her out for awhile!

[davidv90]

Originally Posted by votoshka

It depends on the reasons for her behaviour. Maybe, as CaterpillarWoman suggested, it's because of the way she was raised. Maybe it's because she's a bit shy. Maybe she just expects her partner to be the "dominant" one who makes decisions. None of these reasons should make you feel worthless. (In fact, I'd go so far as to feel somewhat worthless if I were with a guy who did everything so it really depends on your point of view).

You can always see how she responds if you don't call her for a few days, or if you don't ask her out for awhile!

I definitely will not contact her this week. Do you think it's one of women's mind game?

Just to elaborate on the subject, I know she likes me because we had sex and there's never a dull moments when we go out.

[xiahoudun]

Have you spoken to her about it? She might have not even thought to do so, since you've got it sorted so well.

[Brutha]

If she simply wants that you lead the relationship and goes along with your plan I don't think there an issue.

Am I being ridiculous?

You dating her for two months.
The fact that you are asking us that question before you ask her might be seen as ridiculous.

[Criseyde]

Originally Posted by Brutha

You dating her for two months.
The fact that you are asking us that question before you ask her might be seen as ridiculous.

Yeah. This is a perfect case of "open your mouth, solve your problem." (Edit: I don't think it's "ridiculous," OP -- I'm agreeing that it would be better to ask her, not us.)

[Arz Sra]

Originally Posted by davidv90

I have been dating this girl for 2 months and I almost always have to ask her to go out. I'm pissed off because I feel like there is an imbalance of power. I feel like I have no value and that I need to worship her. I feel like I'm dating a celebrity girl because she's just too good to ask me out and make plans.

Am I being ridiculous?

Of Course you have no value. The problem exactly is not that you are not getting any value. The problem is that you cannot do without value ( Like most of us). If you cannot do without it then I do not understand what you are seeking from such a relationship. Just be honest with yourself - What is it exactly that you 'cling to' in this relation?. Is this relationship best for your needs? Focus on finding the FEAR part that is keeping you there despite making you feel like crap.

Yes, but you are not the only one being ridiculous. The whole human race is quite ridiculous when it comes to relating. More than relating , we want to own each other. We end up killing each others freedom of being. Just remember Love and freedom are inseparable. Be honest with yourself and face those sneaky fears -

" Freedom and love go together. Love is not a reaction. If I love you because you love me, that is mere trade, a thing to be bought in the market; it is not love. To love is not to ask anything in return, not even to feel that you are giving something- and it is only such love that can know freedom.”

JK

[hamix]

Depends. Rational thought doesn't really exist in the human condition.

[Fred Tracy]

Judging by the fact that you're worrying about it so much, and how you worded it, chances are that you like her more that she likes you.

If that's the case, I would withdraw attention immediately. Appear to be at least as busy if not more so than her. See other women too, if you can. Providing you aren't already committed that is.

That will help fix the balance of power.

[spiritm]

Yea, is there a reason you haven't just asked her? I know people on these forums are very progressive, but the vast majority of the civilized world still expects the guy to ask the girl out.

[pinky3]

Originally Posted by Fred Tracy

Judging by the fact that you're worrying about it so much, and how you worded it, chances are that you like her more that she likes you.

If that's the case, I would withdraw attention immediately. Appear to be at least as busy if not more so than her. See other women too, if you can. Providing you aren't already committed that is.

That will help fix the balance of power.

I respectfully disagree. Just because he's worried doesn't mean that he definitely likes her more than she likes him... but that's just my view.

I have tried the whole "ignoring" thing. With some people it just makes them think you're not interested and they move on.

I would definitely just be open and honest. What's there to lose?

[davidv90]

Here are the facts (things that I'm 90% sure about) about my relationship with this girl:

1. She knows that I like her and wants a long term relationship
2. I treat her very good by all standard and I am 110% sure about this.
3. I'm 90% sure that she likes me too and has feelings for me (we dated +10 times and had sex twice). I won't go into how I know this because I want to keep this post concise and relevant.
4. She expresses verbally that she is neutral about me and that that she needs more time. In addition, she does little things to hint to me that she's neutral and has no feelings for me.

Here is the question that I have for people on this board:
1. Why doesn't she tell me that she loves me when it is so obvious by her action that she is?

2. Is she testing me and/or playing mind games?

Thanks all for reading

[Philemon]

Originally Posted by davidv90

Here are the facts (things that I'm 90% sure about) about my relationship with this girl:

1. She knows that I like her and wants a long term relationship
2. I treat her very good by all standard and I am 110% sure about this.
3. I'm 90% sure that she likes me too and has feelings for me (we dated +10 times and had sex twice). I won't go into how I know this because I want to keep this post concise and relevant.
4. She expresses verbally that she is neutral about me and that that she needs more time. In addition, she does little things to hint to me that she's neutral and has no feelings for me.

Here is the question that I have for people on this board:
1. Why doesn't she tell me that she loves me when it is so obvious by her action that she is?

2. Is she testing me and/or playing mind games?

Thanks all for reading

It might be too soon to expect so much out of her. Maybe she's takes her time in saying "Love." I know I do.

[TheLovelyBang]

Originally Posted by davidv90

Here are the facts (things that I'm 90% sure about) about my relationship with this girl:

1. She knows that I like her and wants a long term relationship
2. I treat her very good by all standard and I am 110% sure about this.
3. I'm 90% sure that she likes me too and has feelings for me (we dated +10 times and had sex twice). I won't go into how I know this because I want to keep this post concise and relevant.
4. She expresses verbally that she is neutral about me and that that she needs more time. In addition, she does little things to hint to me that she's neutral and has no feelings for me.

Here is the question that I have for people on this board:
1. Why doesn't she tell me that she loves me when it is so obvious by her action that she is?

2. Is she testing me and/or playing mind games?

Thanks all for reading

Maybe she doesn't love you, or maybe she is waiting until you say it.
I also dont think she is playing mind games.


It seems as if you're the type of man who doesn't care much for the courting process in dating. If you did, im sure you wouldn't be expecting this girl to say she loves you after two nights of sex and ten dates. That expectation makes you sound a bit young, or just naive.

I would recommend telling her what you like in terms of dating, and ask her what exactly she expects from dating you.


I personally expect the men I date to plan 99.9% of dates. I give input, and like choosing what to do, but im not much of a planner, so for me, it best to let them handle it.

Maybe she's not good at planning dates. Talk to her directly.

[awdye]

Originally Posted by davidv90

Here are the facts (things that I'm 90% sure about) about my relationship with this girl:

1. She knows that I like her and wants a long term relationship
2. I treat her very good by all standard and I am 110% sure about this.
3. I'm 90% sure that she likes me too and has feelings for me (we dated +10 times and had sex twice). I won't go into how I know this because I want to keep this post concise and relevant.
4. She expresses verbally that she is neutral about me and that that she needs more time. In addition, she does little things to hint to me that she's neutral and has no feelings for me.

Here is the question that I have for people on this board:
1. Why doesn't she tell me that she loves me when it is so obvious by her action that she is?

2. Is she testing me and/or playing mind games?

Thanks all for reading

I think you've answered both of your questions in statement #4.

Drop all your reasons why she's "supposed to" love you and stop dismissing what she's telling you.

It sounds like she has a different view of what her actions mean than you do, and she is telling you what they mean to her. She can have sex and date 10+ times without being "in love".

[ssandra]

Originally Posted by awdye

I think you've answered both of your questions in statement #4.

Drop all your reasons why she's "supposed to" love you and stop dismissing what she's telling you.

It sounds like she has a different view of what her actions mean than you do, and she is telling you what they mean to her. She can have sex and date 10+ times without being "in love".

Absolutely!!

Originally Posted by davidv90

4. She expresses verbally that she is neutral about me and that that she needs more time. In addition, she does little things to hint to me that she's neutral and has no feelings for me.

Believe her. She simply isn't that into you.

She may like hanging out with you, she may even enjoy the sex.

However, that doesn't mean that she likes you or is in love with you.

Maybe she even sees the dates as just hanging out, and not really dates...

[awdye]

Originally Posted by ssandra

Absolutely!!



Believe her. She simply isn't that into you.

She may like hanging out with you, she may even enjoy the sex.

However, that doesn't mean that she likes you or is in love with you.

Maybe she even sees the dates as just hanging out, and not really dates...

Or...she does like you, but takes longer to open her heart than her...uhh...other parts.

[davidv90]

I straightened things out with her and now we are dating again. I thought about it and I concluded that I over reacted.