The power of giving

[Merr]

There have been a number of threads recently which, in one way or another, have touched on the issue of giving and receiving. I'm interested in what giving means to people. When you give, do you expect something in return? Is your expectation different depending on who you are giving to?

I've realised that I do have different expectations from different people, but regardless, I really enjoy giving to others. It feels good to me. If others are joyful when I give to them, it makes it even sweeter. If they give back to me in some way, it can actually feed good or bad depending on what it is that is given to me. The best gift seems to be a 'thank you' straight from the heart and it seems better to me than anything else.

[Tamalkrishna]

Originally Posted by Merr

There have been a number of threads recently which, in one way or another, have touched on the issue of giving and receiving. I'm interested in what giving means to people. When you give, do you expect something in return? Is your expectation different depending on who you are giving to?

I've realised that I do have different expectations from different people, but regardless, I really enjoy giving to others. It feels good to me. If others are joyful when I give to them, it makes it even sweeter. If they give back to me in some way, it can actually feed good or bad depending on what it is that is given to me. The best gift seems to be a 'thank you' straight from the heart and it seems better to me than anything else.

What you are saying is true that if give something to others, you would always expect something in return. I don't think that there is anything bad in that. I feel that it is a normal human mentality and everyone is just the same. There would always be an expectation of getting something in return.

[Merr]

Originally Posted by Tamalkrishna

What you are saying is true that if give something to others, you would always expect something in return. I don't think that there is anything bad in that. I feel that it is a normal human mentality and everyone is just the same. There would always be an expectation of getting something in return.

Always? I feel as though there are some people who I expect things from there are some people I don't expect anything from at all. Not even a thank you. So perhaps we always expect something, but it doesn't necessarily have to come from the other person? Take giving to a charity for example.

I once sent a cheque to a charity without including my address because I wanted to donate and be free never to hear from the charity again. I didn't even get a thank you, as a consequence. The only thing I got from that was the sense of feeling like I'd done something helpful/useful and I felt good about that.

[ButterflyWoman]

I'm a big fan of giving with no expectations or strings attached. I put money in collection tins regularly (for various charities such as children's hospitals and service dogs and so on).

I also give very freely of my time, which is something I happen to have in reasonable abundance.

I've been known to donate art (graphics, photographs, etc.), web space, technical expertise, etc. Used to volunteer for a community network (something which I think is a thing of the past, but this was back in the early-mid nineties; see Community network - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia if you're curious).

Heck, I've even shaved my head to raise money for charity, so I gave my HAIR for a good cause! (I admit, it was also an extremely interesting experience.)

I do "get something back" from these things, because it pleases me to do them. I don't feel any obligation to give money or time (or hair ). I just like doing it, so I do get some measure of satisfaction from it. (And, now that I think of it, the experience gained at the community network actually got me a job at an ISP, back in the days when tech support was in-house.)

But on a more metaphysical basis, I think that being open to giving goes along with being open to receiving. I like to keep it flowing. This is why I share things like knowledge (when I have it) and experience (ditto) and time and money and whatever else I feel like sharing. To me, it's the emotional, spiritual, and energetic equivalent of a running stream as compared to a tank or cistern.

I don't really do the whole reciprocity thing (i.e., I did this for you, so now you owe me something in return). Generosity is much more fun.

[OptimistPrime]

Originally Posted by Merr

There have been a number of threads recently which, in one way or another, have touched on the issue of giving and receiving. I'm interested in what giving means to people. When you give, do you expect something in return? Is your expectation different depending on who you are giving to?

When I give, I give because my intuition has told me to do so. As I've mentioned elsewhere, when I'm following my inner guidance I feel like I'm being true to who I am, and that's what I consider to be the greatest thing that I can do in life. So, because that's the context in which I give, I consider giving to be its own reward. Any reciprocity that comes my way is icing on the cake.

[ZephyrusX]

I like giving just because it makes me feel good. I think it is best to do so without the expectation of reciprocation, but in my experience, if you offer something of value to someone, they will be more inclined to offer something of value in return. May be at a later date, but they'll want to offer something in return. I think that attests to the importance of accepting value into your life too as you might alienate people if you refuse it into your life. I guess it is important to see it from their perspective. If giving feels good to you, then it is likely the same thing for the other person.

I tend to be a bit sheepish about accepting something of value from other people. One of my coworkers keeps trying to feed me and I usually say no because I feel odd about it. But then, I can tell on the expression on her face that it is important for her to make the offer. I should probably just stop being an ass, get over whatever sheepy (not really a word? ) feelings i have, and just accept what she wants to give.

I think the power of giving and receiving is important in building relationships.

[OptimistPrime]

Originally Posted by ZephyrusX

get over whatever sheepy (not really a word? ) feelings i have

I believe the word you're looking for is "ovine".

[Merr]

CW- Wow about the shaved hair! It just goes to show you that you can have some pretty interesting experiences when giving, too. I love giving in and of itself and enjoy the occasional bonus of receiving something in return. I think for me though there are definitely situations where I do expect something in return and it's something I'm working on, as I think I'll be happier with fewer expectations.

OP- Yep, pretty much what I feel like a lot of the time except I'm conscious that my level of expectation of reciprocity depends on the kind of relationship I have to another person (if any).

ZephyrusX- So true about alienation. We're so afraid of imposing on others sometimes that we turn away their gifts and end up causing offense. I've done this before but I do it less often now.

Something that strikes me though is that there needs to be a balance in giving/receiving. Hence in the other thread, where one person was giving and the other was expecting them to give all of the time, it became unhealthy.

[ZephyrusX]

Ovine sounds incredibly unattractive.

Whether I'm 'sheepy' or not, at least I'm cute.



(I wish I could kiss that sweet face!)

Originally Posted by OptimistPrime

I believe the word you're looking for is "ovine".

[Rezzy7]

I think it's normal to give with an expectation of something in return, because even the good feeling you get from helping someone out, even if that's "all" you "get" out of it, is something you come to expect if you've ever experienced the sheer joy of giving more than once. And you are correct to do so because that feeling never fails to arrive.

But people seem to give such a "negative charge" to the word expectations, likening it too much to the word demand. So I think a better word for it might be anticipation.

I usually give with glee, knowing I might or might not receive something in return. I anticipate good will come either from feeling good about giving, from the person just saying "thank you", or someone might reciprocate somewhere along the line.

Frankly, I've had enough of the unnecessary guilt over whether or not I will gain something in return for my giving. If I end up also benefiting, as far as I'm concerned, I must be receiving that benefit because I somehow deserved it.

This quote...

Originally Posted by ZephyrusX

One of my coworkers keeps trying to feed me and I usually say no

...PLUS cat avatar equals lolz!

[Merr]

Originally Posted by Rezzy7

I think it's normal to give with an expectation of something in return, because even the good feeling you get from helping someone out, even if that's "all" you "get" out of it, is something you come to expect if you've ever experienced the sheer joy of giving more than once. And you are correct to do so because that feeling never fails to arrive.

But people seem to give such a "negative charge" to the word expectations, likening it too much to the word demand. So I think a better word for it might be anticipation.

I usually give with glee, knowing I might or might not receive something in return. I anticipate good will come either from feeling good about giving, from the person just saying "thank you", or someone might reciprocate somewhere along the line.

Frankly, I've had enough of the unnecessary guilt over whether or not I will gain something in return for my giving. If I end up also benefiting, as far as I'm concerned, I must be receiving that benefit because I somehow deserved it.

This quote...

...PLUS cat avatar equals lolz!

Agreed. I think the emotional charge comes from the expectation of something from other people. Expectation of joy, glee or whatever you want to call it as a consequence of giving just means you're the person who is giving and receiving.

In terms of guilt, is this over expecting something in return or from actually getting something in return from someone else?

Something else I was thinking about in terms of giving/receiving goes back to the idea of balance. Sometimes I feel uncomfortable if I'm always the one receiving and not giving anything back to a person (for whatever reason). I've noticed that sometimes the person receiving can actually begin to feel resentful after a while if they can't give anything back? Alternatively, I can think of several other reasons for the resentment that sometimes occurs. Thinking out loud here and wondering if anyone else has experienced this, either as the person giving or receiving.

[SrKen]

"If you lend money, it is uncertain whether you shall be repaid; but if you bestow alms, although they may be small, your return will be a hundred fold." - Saskya Pandita

[Lifeisamazing]

I love to give, but generally to people who are passionate to do something with my gifts. I would absolutely do anything for my good friends; I always try to give them whenever possible. If I hear that one of them has a problem that I don't know a solution to, I'll try to find useful information for him/her later.

My best ideas/ways for giving:
- Advice/information
- Contacts
- Complete attention
- Support
- Cooperation

I think the best advice for networking is to look at relationship-building from the giving perspective rather than taking perspective. How can I give to this person?