Coming to terms with your sexuality

[AdamUK]

For a long time ive had this nagging feeling inside my chest and the other night when i confronted this feeling, the words which came were "im gay". To be honest i never wanted to be gay and i always denied and rejected any gay thoughts i have had.

Im slowly accepting and feeling better for it. But also confused to what i should do next and what my sexual orientation is now. Im in a long term relationship with a girl who i adore and love, she does know all this (i cant keep secrets from her!) she got hurt but accepted thats it part of me. I think im Bi-sexual. But i wont know for sure until i explore the other side of me.

Anyone else have lingering thoughts of their sexuality on their voyage for self discovery?.

[openeyes]

I'm a 22 year old bi guy. For the past couple years I've only dated women, as I decided there was a strong possibility I wanted a family. Around age 19-20 I dated several guys, and experimented with some when i was younger as well. I'm still very affectionate with my male friends, but building emotional/spiritual connections has been my emphasis. One book that was eye opening for me was Spirit and the Flesh: Sexual Diversity in American Indian Culture by anthropologist Walter L. Williams, which details how so many cultures used to have bisexuality as the norm, and homosexuality was held in high esteem. Another helpful book is The Ins and Outs of Gay Sex, written by a gay doctor on enjoying yourself while staying fairly safe. Best of luck in your awakening.

[AdamUK]

thanks openeyes ill look out for those books.

[AidanMatthews216]

Originally Posted by AdamUK

For a long time ive had this nagging feeling inside my chest and the other night when i confronted this feeling, the words which came were "im gay". To be honest i never wanted to be gay and i always denied and rejected any gay thoughts i have had.

Im slowly accepting and feeling better for it. But also confused to what i should do next and what my sexual orientation is now. Im in a long term relationship with a girl who i adore and love, she does know all this (i cant keep secrets from her!) she got hurt but accepted thats it part of me. I think im Bi-sexual. But i wont know for sure until i explore the other side of me.

Anyone else have lingering thoughts of their sexuality on their voyage for self discovery?.

I had that experience about a year ago, and for a while it was a nightmare. Discovering I was gay was one thing, because I had to struggle to be honest with myself in the face of something that terrified me. But the more I came to terms with it, the less I cared, and by now I am ridiculously comfortable with it. Since then I have tried never to repress an attraction, however strange it seems to me, because after all, it is only a thought. Thoughts can only hurt you if you refuse to think them--that's what I decided a year ago and it's what I'm still trying to practice (with more difficulty than I ever expected) across the board.

[AdamUK]

Im struggling to come to terms with it now. I want to stay in the relationship im in.. hope i can without denying myself.

AidanMatthews216 so would you call yourself gay now? or are you still attracted to women?

[AidanMatthews216]

Originally Posted by AdamUK

AidanMatthews216 so would you call yourself gay now? or are you still attracted to women?

I'm definitely gay.

[hollowman]

please allow me to join....

i am badly in need to belong to somewhere i can find some same similarities...

Adam, i am very similar to u. i do suspect i could be bisexual as well. i slept with guys before but not with girls. i did have a steady girlfriend once, intimate sexual contact but no intercourse. So what does that make me?

AidanMatthew, perhaps u can give a piece of thought..

actually i am comfortable being a gay (if i am not bi). i am not disgusted or whatever. it's just that i cant come to terms to come out of closet.

Does religion ever bother u guys?? coz it bothers me a lot. i am not some kind of angel who have done no sins, but i take religion very seriously. and clearly religion does not tolerate this sort of things...

sigh.... sigh..... sigh....

[openeyes]

Originally Posted by hollowman

Does religion ever bother u guys?? coz it bothers me a lot. i am not some kind of angel who have done no sins, but i take religion very seriously. and clearly religion does not tolerate this sort of things...

I guess I had it easy in that area. My dad was set on protecting his kids from religion as he saw too many negatives to it. Where he grew up, the cops, clergy, and KKK were one and the same people, so he had no respect for any of them and still doesn't. Religious taboos never had any effect on me, aside from navigating the limits they've put in other people's minds.

My dad's view of my sexuality is that he's happy as long as I stay healthy. "Coming out" was never much of an issue. Whenever I find something that interests me, I research it online, read books about it, find a way of doing it that's unlikely to permanently maim me, then go out and try it. Then I talk to others about it. Sometimes I'll talk to people before hand if I think they have useful advice that I can't easily find on my own, but largely I try to be more action than talk oriented. If I try something and find it isn't for me, then I never even have to mention it.

[elliot]

On a sidenote, today is National Coming Out Day
National Coming Out Day - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia


My experiences have been mostly positive to those I'm come out to. My extended family doesn't know, but my mom / stepdad do know. My father didn't know before he passed away. After he did, I came to the decision in my life that I can't just go on living a lie for the rest of my life. At the same time, I don't have to preach what I do behind closed doors to a choir that doesn't necessarily want to or need to know.

[backpocket]

I think most males do go through that period of "Am I gay?" regardless of their sexual orientation. I had such a period, thinking "Do I really like men that way?" After asking myself deeply about it and really exploring the feeling for maybe a month, I came to the conclusion that I'm not gay, and that I just seem to admire good looking men, which is pretty normal but most men won't admit because they think it makes them gay.

I think what's happening to you is normal. Just be brave enough to admit to yourself that you have these feelings, and accept yourself no matter what happens, even if you're straight or bi or gay.