Question for the guys on casual sex.

[Sergeant Troy]

Is there some minimum level of attraction / connection you would need to feel with someone before you would have a one night stand with them, beyond the immediate sexual attraction?

I have had casual sex in the past, and I have felt like my motivation to be with the woman, or my connection with her is entirely sexual. For example, in past encounters immediately after I have orgasmed it is like I felt no connection with that person at all. I would not really feel like being around them, and it would even be difficult or impossible for me to become aroused with them to have sex more than once.

Is this common or uncommon for the guys here? It is as if the moment I climax, a switch turns off in my brain. I no longer feel sexual and question what I am doing with that person at all.

It has become something that is more confusing for me. For example when meeting or dating someone and feeling any kind of connection towards them, I am unsure whether it is purely sexual and would be short lived or if there might be some deeper attraction to them. I guess it would make sense not to rush into sex in this situation, but I feel there is a part of me I don't know too well in any case. As in I might feel I am connecting with someone, but I might have another side of me that does not feel the person is right for me, and this side of my mind will only be revealed to me after having had sex.

[lycan]

How long does it take for you to reach orgasm?

[scotthegeek]

I can be very confusing I have not been in a relationship and I have only had sex once but I know when I masturbate I feel like its the most importance thing to be with the person I'm fantasizing about but after I reach orgasm the desire goes away but it come back when I feel the need for a sexual realise.

I'm very confuse I feel like I'm suck at 13 and would like to think I would be a very kind and loving partner but I don't know I have I hard time connecting I just to afraid I guess or don't feel deserving. Its all to much.

Scott

[OptimistPrime]

Originally Posted by Sergeant Troy

Is there some minimum level of attraction / connection you would need to feel with someone before you would have a one night stand with them, beyond the immediate sexual attraction?

Yes.

Originally Posted by Sergeant Troy

For example, in past encounters immediately after I have orgasmed it is like I felt no connection with that person at all. I would not really feel like being around them, and it would even be difficult or impossible for me to become aroused with them to have sex more than once.

I've always assumed that this feeling is the origin of the stereotype about men trying to leave as soon as possible after sex, like they're leaving the scene of a crime. This is also one of the reasons I'm uninterested in casual sex. I'd rather have sex with people I would enjoy spending time with afterward.

[awdye]

Originally Posted by Sergeant Troy

Is there some minimum level of attraction / connection you would need to feel with someone before you would have a one night stand with them, beyond the immediate sexual attraction?

Beyond sexual attraction for a ONS? No. The initial attraction would be enough for me. I believe it would lead to your next comment and be unfulfilling though.

Originally Posted by Sergeant Troy

I have had casual sex in the past, and I have felt like my motivation to be with the woman, or my connection with her is entirely sexual. For example, in past encounters immediately after I have orgasmed it is like I felt no connection with that person at all. I would not really feel like being around them, and it would even be difficult or impossible for me to become aroused with them to have sex more than once.

In essence, mutual masturbation. Once done, what's the point of hanging around? Funny how the porn VHS tape never gets past the 10min mark.

Originally Posted by Sergeant Troy

Is this common or uncommon for the guys here? It is as if the moment I climax, a switch turns off in my brain. I no longer feel sexual and question what I am doing with that person at all.

It has become something that is more confusing for me. For example when meeting or dating someone and feeling any kind of connection towards them, I am unsure whether it is purely sexual and would be short lived or if there might be some deeper attraction to them. I guess it would make sense not to rush into sex in this situation, but I feel there is a part of me I don't know too well in any case. As in I might feel I am connecting with someone, but I might have another side of me that does not feel the person is right for me, and this side of my mind will only be revealed to me after having had sex.

I think a lot of it, maybe all, has to do with the "goal" being ejaculation. Once that occurs, the goal is not only reached, but there is an incredible loss of energy.

Try shifting the focus to the connection...the energy flow...the closeness...the journey. Avoid ejaculation.

I believe this would require a "partner" with whom you have positive connections at other levels. Best to establish that before having sex, if you think you want more than that.

"The Heart of Tantric Sex: A Unique Guide to Love and Sexual Fulfillment" by Diana Richardson

Great book that talks about a lot of this.

[brendannz]

I think most guys need some minimum level of attraction in one way or another, but some guys have no standards whatsoever.

[Sergeant Troy]

Thanks for the replies. It's good to know I'm not on my own anyway, as I have never come across guys speaking about this aspect of casual sex: not wanting to be with the person afterwards. I probably thought the feeling of being almost repelled by the person after sex was something I felt that most other men did not. I have been in situations where my body has been aroused despite my mind not being into the person, but that is also a bad situation. Yeah, I guess establishing a connection with the person is the only way. It can still be casual sex and not a one night stand so that is an option.

[Ceoarob]

if by "boner in my pants", you mean "attraction"

then yes, I do require attraction before ONS happens.