Being Empowered by Rejection

[OptimistPrime]

Originally Posted by Merr

A girl wants to feel special, like if you asked her out and something comes of it that you're only thinking about and having fantasies about her. If she knows from the outset that your attitude is like this, it takes away the romance and the feeling that she is special. Hence, she'll look at your profile and go on to another guy who she thinks will make her feel like a 'special' girl.

In that case, I feel like I'm better off with them moving on to the next guy.

Originally Posted by Merr

That sounds fine to me and a pretty decent attitude to have actually.

Thanks.

Originally Posted by Merr

However, some women will read it and be awkward and will think something like: 'why does he think that I care about whether I please him or not when I don't even know him yet?' Also, some women just like to dress up and have the appreciation of being dressed nicely to make them feel 'special.'

Yup, I'm aware of the fact that I can't please all of the people all of the time.

Originally Posted by Merr

I don't know what OptimistPrime looks like but even if I didn't feel instant attraction to a guy based on his photo, if I liked his profile and his message to me was sufficiently personalised (i.e. he'd actually taken the time to read my profile and write something he hadn't written to any other girl) I'd still respond. I don't think I'm alone or by any means unique in having this kind of attitude.

There's a headshot of me in my forum profile. It's a thumbnail from the same photo I use in my OkC profile, actually.

[Merr]

Originally Posted by Cochonette

But I feel you are now just trying to take attention away from my calling your critique not valid. I think your critique is not valid because there is no evidence that anywhere near a majority of women will be turned off by a guy saying he doesn't need her to dress for him - in fact, I would think many women will feel quite the opposite on that matter. I know I would. You yourself said that what he wrote in his profile sounds "pretty decent" - I think it sounds more than decent. I just think that you are trying to find reasons for him changing his profile that aren't there.

Not really, because what you're saying is not actually a critique of what I said as I didn't say that a majority of women would be turned off. I actually said 'some' women and expressed my view that what OptimistPrime said was a decent attitude to have. Therefore, I don't see what there is for you to comment on. It was a small part of a larger point, i.e. that a lot of women don't want brutal honesty from the outset. They just want to be made to feel special.

[Cochonette]

Dude, have you read Steve's latest blog post? So relevant to this thread:

When you get an email and you reply to it, you’re doing someone else’s bidding. If they hadn’t sent you that message, you’d have directed your time elsewhere.

Lightbulb!

[OptimistPrime]

Originally Posted by Cochonette

Dude, have you read Steve's latest blog post?

Very interesting! Thanks for letting me know about it. Could you expand on why/how the particular sentence you quoted gave you have an "A-ha!" experience, though? I interpreted it as a suggestion that sending messages on a dating site is an attempt to dominate someone and make them talk to me, and that their refusal to submit to that domination is why I can feel bad when they don't, but maybe you had something else in mind?

[OptimistPrime]

So, my gut has been telling me to stop browsing profiles and sending messages, but to nevertheless leave my profile active on the site so that the Universe has another avenue of serendipity by which it can bring me a connection with someone. Right now I'm feeling drawn to making new friendships and acquaintanceships with people of all sexes, without specifically looking for a relationship.

[Amama]

I think you have exactly the right attitude. The most empowering thing you can do is know that everyone is going to experience rejection at some time. I've experienced rejection in my life and turned it in to 10 years of sober, healthy productive living in one situation, and a rewarding nursing career in another situation. I thank you for bringing the topic up and for having a well-adjusted and mature response. I think it happens online more than most people would care to admit. People can't let that stop them from having another medium for making friends and having meaningful relationships. I believe that everytime you make a choice to evolve like that you make yourself more attractive.

[CosmoMan]

Hello there,

Having just joined in this great forum, for the beginning I would just like to emphasize how powerfully self-motivating and self-encouraging getting any sort of rejection really is.

Just two examples. Having worked in the sales industry (both direct sales and telesales), everytime I got a negative customer or prospect it actually made me even more "pumped up" and success driven to approach a new customer straightaway.

Even better and my favorite illustration of how this beautifully works on boosting up your positive energy and self-motivation can also be applied in dating that's in this case me approaching many different women. So, for example, everytime I used to get a "no" from a girl who I approached and asked for her phone number at the end of our chat, I straightaway super confidently went to approach a bunch of let's say between five to ten new girls within the next hour or so on the same day. Guess what happened?

As a result I got not only one but quite a few phone numbers of these new girls that I approached in public immediately after I had met the previous negative girl.

Finally, just to briefly introduce myself and why I have gladly joined you in here. Well, the magic key and wonderful word for best describing the reason I am here with you all is "confidence" or "self confidence" whose power is really and warmly recommended to be applied and implemented in improving just about any aspect of our lives.

The aspects where I am currently enjoying practising my confidence are related to dating (or better say, fearlessly approaching hot unknown women in public) and building up my millionaires lifestyle through developing a profitable online business. For those who are also excited to think BIG about developing their own luxury-minded millionaires lifestyle, I warmly recommend that you grab and read the book "Four Hour Work Week" by Timothy Ferriss.

What I have so far learned about how to reach a better fulfilling life is this:

The more often you face and beat any of your fears, the more mentally strong and confident you become to get very close to living your ever desired dream.

[OptimistPrime]

Originally Posted by CosmoMan

Having just joined in this great forum, for the beginning I would just like to emphasize how powerfully self-motivating and self-encouraging getting any sort of rejection really is.

Hey CosmoMan.

Since starting this thread, I experimented with telling people that I knew and was attracted to that I felt that way about them. In the process, I was (essentially) rejected 3 times, and I found that each one of those rejections felt like a rewarding experience This was very different from how I felt when I sent hundreds of messages to people on a dating website and usually never received any replies back. In the latter case, I just felt worse and worse after every rejection, and I think I know why:

First of all, when someone tells me that they're not interested in me romantically, or that they think they're a lesbian, or that they have a boyfriend, I actually know that I am being rejected. When someone doesn't reply to a message on a website, I don't even know whether they ever read my message. They may have never come back to the site. They may have never read the message because they were busy with people who had already contacted them. And so forth.

Second of all, when you experience rejection in the context of a conversation, you actually have some idea of why someone is rejecting you. For example, looking at my own three experiences, 2 out of 3 were for reasons (sexual orientation, relationship status) that were out of my control. I never asked the third person why she wasn't interested in me, but I had (and still have) that option if I wanted to find out whether it was something that was out of my control or not. Whereas, when all that happens is that someone never writes back to you, you have no idea why that happened, and can only guess at ways that you might improve the situation.

Don't get me wrong, I think it's good to learn how to deal with rejection on dating websites, at least if you're interested in using that medium as a way of meeting people. Personally, I no longer am.

[CosmoMan]

Originally Posted by OptimistPrime

Hey CosmoMan.

Since starting this thread, I experimented with telling people that I knew and was attracted to that I felt that way about them. In the process, I was (essentially) rejected 3 times, and I found that each one of those rejections felt like a rewarding experience This was very different from how I felt when I sent hundreds of messages to people on a dating website and usually never received any replies back. In the latter case, I just felt worse and worse after every rejection, and I think I know why:

First of all, when someone tells me that they're not interested in me romantically, or that they think they're a lesbian, or that they have a boyfriend, I actually know that I am being rejected. When someone doesn't reply to a message on a website, I don't even know whether they ever read my message. They may have never come back to the site. They may have never read the message because they were busy with people who had already contacted them. And so forth.

Second of all, when you experience rejection in the context of a conversation, you actually have some idea of why someone is rejecting you. For example, looking at my own three experiences, 2 out of 3 were for reasons (sexual orientation, relationship status) that were out of my control. I never asked the third person why she wasn't interested in me, but I had (and still have) that option if I wanted to find out whether it was something that was out of my control or not. Whereas, when all that happens is that someone never writes back to you, you have no idea why that happened, and can only guess at ways that you might improve the situation.

Don't get me wrong, I think it's good to learn how to deal with rejection on dating websites, at least if you're interested in using that medium as a way of meeting people. Personally, I no longer am.

Hi OptimistPrime

I really appreciate your prompt reply. All brilliantly said by you. Without any doubt, I absolutely agree with you that we should always try to find and identify those areas that are potentially causing us any sorts of negative responses that's the areas we should improve ourselves in if it's really within the reach of our control as you say.

And, I am also all up for leaving methods or things that are not productive or simply not working otherwise it may turn out that we are hitting against the wall and getting nowhere.

Personally I am also not very much into the online dating thing because I prefer the direct or face to face approach.