How important is a good engagement ring?

[nicelife]

A question for both genders. Guys, do you feel the need to go all out and spend thousands on an engagement ring to please the girl? Ladies, does the ring or amount spend actually increase how much love you feel for your man? do you care about size of the ring?
I don't think size is an issue, as long as it fits your finger, right? But my gf doesn't think so. The other day, I bought this ring for her.
Who knows, she said it not big enough. And she even implied the size is sort of matters.. If I don't get a good ring- then what does that say for the rest of the relationship or marriage... It predicts bad things! I'm so confused now. So, what's your opinion?

[aelle]

I would appreciate a certain amount of romanticism and being fawned over in a proposal (hey, hopefully it's only once in my life!) but I would actually be pretty freaked out by a super expensive engagement ring. It seems somewhat grotesque to spend -what's the rule of thumb? 2 full months of salary?- on a single object that you can't use in any way. And hey, if there's an engagement ring we're going to legally mesh finances soon if that's not already done ; I want to have a say in such extravagant purchases!

I think my reaction would be 50 milliseconds of "awwww, you love me *that* much!" followed by hours of "dude, return that ridiculous thing so that we can afford a nice marriage rather than a nice rock!"

[danas]

For me the price is not at all important.
Im not into spending so much money on "things" unless they are really useful- like houses or cars.
But on a ring? my favorite ring I bought in a flea market in Russia. Ive been wearing it for years.
A good friend bought a $15k ring for his fiance (she chose it without knowing the price). 3 months later she called off the wedding. He sold it at the pawn shop for $2k.
Another friend of mine just got engaged. Her man gave her a ring, passed down from his grandma with a ruby. I went with her to get it valued(she wanted a new setting for the stone) the guy in the store valued the stone for 3 bucks!
We laughed so hard. Of course she didnt mind. I wouldnt either.
But then again I know some girls who this would matter to. Im not one of them so I cant give you advice here. It sounds a bit tactless to me to say that the stone isnt big enough. Maybe she's more worried about her friends reaction? We always want our friends to think that we found prince charming.

[ssandra]

Before you get married, have a talk with your girlfriend about finances and how she feels about spending money and earning it.

From this perspective it seems that you both have different ideas on what to spend money on, and that can lead to big issues in a marriage. What if she wants to spend thousands on credit cards on new cars, holidays, etc. Everything to impress the neighbors? And you want to spend more wisely?

That will lead to trouble if you don't address it before you get married.

About the engagement ring itself.... I've been married for almost 5 years and I never had an engagement ring. Or a wedding ring.

I told my husband that some day I want one, including a nice proposal And also that I don't want an expensive ring. I want to be able to wear it without having a body guard around!!!

[ButterflyWoman]

I've had two engagement rings, and two failed marriages. Third marriage, still going strong and very happily, and I didn't get an engagement ring at all (didn't want one). I do have a wedding ring, but it was my grandmother's and I wore it before we got married, just on a different finger.

I'm a little surprised by a girl who turns up her nose at a diamond engagement ring on the grounds that it's not "big enough". Big enough for what?

I can tell you, there are a lot of men in the world who would break up with a girl like that. I know someone who broke up with his fiancee because she lost her engagement ring (took it off in a public restroom to wash her hands and forgot to put it back on, and someone else found it before she realised and went back for it). I just wonder what a relationship is built on if something like a hunk of rock held by metal prongs takes on that much importance.

[Clingspiration]

Originally Posted by CaterpillarWoman

I know someone who broke up with his fiancee because she lost her engagement ring (took it off in a public restroom to wash her hands and forgot to put it back on, and someone else found it before she realised and went back for it). I just wonder what a relationship is built on if something like a hunk of rock held by metal prongs takes on that much importance.

Wow. Maybe this is a reason not to get such an expensive item. Yeah, I'd be disappointed too if a month's wages went down the drain, but I value my spouse more than a month's earnings.

My husband is proud to have given me a nice ring, but I would've been happy with something smaller. After all, the money could have been used to buy more practical things. But we're both happy with the ring <--- the most important thing!

[Divajules]

I think I would have to question her motives for caring so much about appearances.

Our society puts a lot of emphasis on superficial things and I would have to say that this issue is near the top of that list.

I admire her honesty. But, at the same time, how ungrateful can you get?

Maybe you should take her shopping for the ring and pick it out together.

And, you should DEFINITELY have a discussion about personal finances before the wedding. This is a red flag you should not ignore. You may have bigger problems than you realize and now is the time to address them.

The ring itself is meaningless, IMO. I agree with the others in that I have better things to spend my money on. However, if it was important to me for some unknown reason, I would make it clear to my fiance why. Then, you can decide if her reason(s) are valid to you or if it's just about appearances/societal b.s.

I am on my second marriage. I still have my engagement ring from my first marriage. It is nothing fancy but I still treasure it. I did not get one the second time. I asked him not to buy it....a waste of money. We got a house instead. IMO, a much better use of our money. I do have a wedding ring which is good enough for me.

It's the MAN not the ring. Good luck to you!

[Divajules]

Oh, and I just want to add one more thing.

That is a perfectly lovely ring! If my man gave me that, I would be ecstatic.

[OptimistPrime]

Originally Posted by nicelife

Guys, do you feel the need to go all out and spend thousands on an engagement ring to please the girl?

In this as in all things, my advice to any guy would be to make the choice that they feel like making, and not let fear influence their decision one way or the other. Every act is an act of self-definition. So if "man who spend lots of money on a ring to please his fiancee" is a role that you enjoy playing, then go right ahead. You can always attract more money, so don't let fear get in your way.

Likewise, maybe you'd prefer to play the role of "man who prefers to marry a woman who cares more about other things in an engagement than the cost of the ring". You can always attract a relationship with someone who resonates with that role, so don't let fear get in your way.

Or, you could get creative and come up with something else. How about "man who spends thousands on a ring because he is confident in his own abundance"? You don't have to make buying an expensive ring be about pleasing her. And there are many other different roles that you could play in this situation, so go ahead and pick the one that really inspires you.

[Le Roi]

Sorry guys, this OP was a spammer, spamming the link to the website all over the internet in different forums. Link removed and thread closed.