is Charisma something people are born with?

[quiethumir]

Can a super shy, quiet, slow guy turn into a super confident, charismatic, witty person?

[James81]

I remember when i was younger how I would shy away from people, how I'd literally SWEAT if the attention was thrown on me, how I about half stuttered and stammered, my hands would shake, anything if the attention of a group (or strangers) was on me. I spent a couple of years in high school (freshmen and sophomore years) holed in my room every night watching tv or playing guitar or reading because I just didn't want to deal with the extreme anxiety I had in certain social situations. (I didn't even realize I HAD anxiety back then...I thought that i was just a shy, nervous guy who lost his breath whenever an attractive girl would speak to me, or one of the "cool people" paid attention to me.)

In other words, I had a pretty extreme case of anxiety (without knowing what it was) which turned me into a bit of a hermit and an introvert which led to a good decade or so worth of depression.

And now I am getting in front of classrooms and teaching, talking to total strangers when I go out, and able to make a lot of people laugh. I wouldn't sit here and say that I'm EXTREMELY outgoing (I'm not...not the life of the party or anything like that), but compared to where I WAS and where I am now, I see how far I've come and have grown.

Nowadays, I notice, there are only traces of those previous anxiety symptoms left. I still get the shakey hands, and I can lose my breathe when thinking about standing in front of a class. But once I get into it and start doing it, all that stuff seems to fall away and I become this charismatic teacher. It's kinda like a role I'm auditioning for, and I believe I'm really gonna get the part soon.

So, to answer your question, YES. With a big ole heaping dose of ABSOLUTELY! It doesn't happen overnight. (That's something to realize NOW, because you aren't going to move beyond this in one day, a week, or perhaps maybe not even a year. It could take a lot of time, and growth experiences, and facing your fears, and moving beyond internal gunk...before you get there.)

[quiethumir]

thanks a lot James. Your story is encouraging.

[Rezzy7]

The one guy I know who is insanely charismatic was just born that way. People will literally do anything for him, especially women. They think he's the most amazing person ever in the history of persons. Don't know how one would learn to do what he does, but I'd like to.

[ZephyrusX]

No, you can learn to be confident, charismatic, and witty. In grade school and high school, I had no confidence whatsoever and everything and everyone terrified me. I was like a kicked little puppy (the puppy wants some cuddles now ). As I accumulate more experience, I am turning more into a confident person, and seemingly against my will, I attract people into my life. I have my own quirky sense of humor that I've found that other people enjoy.

For me, the approach was more about updating my self-schema and acknowledging that I do in fact have something valuable to offer people. And I learned this through maturation (mainly being forced to do things that were out of my comfort zone ie. go to university, get a job). I still think of my self as a loner, so I experience some cognitive dissonance when I get people willingly opening up to me and talking to me about their lives. 'What the hell? You want to talk to me? What are you up to? ' At this rate though, I'm sure I'll 'change my mind' at some point in my life and stop thinking of my self as a loner.

[Alstar]

I think you can change it, but to become the type of person mentioned in Rezzy7's post I think is virtually impossible. Sometimes you are just born with it, and it's not impossible to develop it, but then it's an uphill battle.

[James81]

Originally Posted by Rezzy7

The one guy I know who is insanely charismatic was just born that way. People will literally do anything for him, especially women. They think he's the most amazing person ever in the history of persons. Don't know how one would learn to do what he does, but I'd like to.

There is a quote by Carl Jung that I really love:

Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate.

That's so true. I think that's saying that some ideas, experiences, and concepts might feel so foreign to you that you might think they are completely out of your power...until you become aware of what is internally directing you and become aware that you have a choice (and to be aware of that choice at an unconscious level).

This feeds into an experience I had a little over 2 years ago now, where I first tasted what a change in identity can do and the impacts it can have on your life. I was visiting a rather charismatic cousin of mine for a weekend and at some point in that weekend I heard him talking with one of his friends (and I've told this story a zillion times here before) and all I caught of that conversation was what he said:

"Some people think of going great places and doing great things. But I don't see it that way. I believe that *I* am a great place to be and, as such, I find myself wanting to bring people into my world so that they can experience all the great things I have to offer."

I was floored by that statement (and in my drunken state, I figure I was highly susceptible to it's influence ), and I began to see all the ways, at the time, that I too was a great place to be. And it was like I became a different person for that entire week. I was outgoing, social, and completely the opposite of what i had been prior to that weekend. I really saw firsthand how powerful your internal image of yourself can be projected outwardly to your experiences. And things grew from that experience and I saw identity (and then purpose) in a completely new light.

Charisma, quite simply, is a way of being...something that you identify with at an internal level, and it's directly proportional to how much you BELIEVE (truly believe that is) you can be charisma(or charismatic).

Anybody in this thread can be the type of person you are talking about. But it's not something you figure out or even something you ACT out (act as if). It's a role that you internally identify with that you create reference experiences out of. (Until you create those reference experiences...i.e. experiences that confirm what you believe about yourself...it doesn't become your reality, though.)

Interesting enough, you're already believing some things about yourself, that you have plenty of reference experiences for. And those things, whether they be conscious or unconscious at this point, are powerfully guiding your life, your body language, and the way you present yourself to the world.

And, most importantly, you have all the power and ability in the world to change that if you so choose.

[jellybeanpimp]

Originally Posted by quiethumir

Can a super shy, quiet, slow guy turn into a super confident, charismatic, witty person?

I never met a charismatic baby.

It's something you can learn, it's something that can come, and it's something that can go.

Plenty of dudes who were the man in the 70's have lost their charisma, and plenty of dudes who aren't much of anything right now will be rockin' it in the future.

[Andrew Brunelle]

I believe some people have more charisma than others, but we all have the ability to be charismatic. Some people have more natural charisma, and others have to work harder to achieve the same level of charisma, if you can even measure it. It is certainly a valuable skill or ability to have, and those who have it naturally generally do better in life, but if you work hard to get some of it, you can have similar success.

[OptimistPrime]

People aren't born with Charisma; they roll 3d6 for it.

[Clint Cora]

Yes, I know it's certainly possible to evolve. I experienced it myself.

[Rezzy7]

Originally Posted by ZephyrusX

and seemingly against my will, I attract people into my life.

I still think of my self as a loner, so I experience some cognitive dissonance when I get people willingly opening up to me and talking to me about their lives. 'What the hell? You want to talk to me? What are you up to? '

Thus, the cat avatar!

Originally Posted by James81

some ideas, experiences, and concepts might feel so foreign to you that you might think they are completely out of your power...until you become aware of what is internally directing you and become aware that you have a choice (and to be aware of that choice at an unconscious level).

So the trick is getting into the unconscious level to direct things more consciously.

"I believe that *I* am a great place to be and, as such, I find myself wanting to bring people into my world so that they can experience all the great things I have to offer."

And he's able to have the "so they can experience how AWESOME I am" mentality without being an d***, the way some do? I know there is a way to be that way. Sorry if you said this already somewhere that I missed, did you talk to him about it after? Curious what else he might have said.

But it's not something you figure out or even something you ACT out (act as if). It's a role that you internally identify with that you create reference experiences out of.

Which is why it's hard for someone with that quality to tell you "how". One thing for me is the "create reference experiences" part... that's one of the things I have to learn to do. Because...

(Until you create those reference experiences...i.e. experiences that confirm what you believe about yourself...it doesn't become your reality, though.)

Originally Posted by jellybeanpimp

I never met a charismatic baby.

Who's more charismatic than babies? People always swarm around them except people that don't like babies.

It's something you can learn, it's something that can come, and it's something that can go.

True at least sometimes. I'm waiting to see what happens with the guy I mentioned earlier. Will he keep his mojo or will it dissolve at any point?

Originally Posted by OptimistPrime

People aren't born with Charisma; they roll 3d6 for it.

lol!

[neilward2]

Yes!

This guy is a good friend of mine: Your Charisma Coach - Marcus Oakey

He has lot's of fun and interesting FREE videos to help you to feel more charismatic!

Enjoy!

[Sammino]

Originally Posted by neilward2

Yes!

This guy is a good friend of mine: Your Charisma Coach - Marcus Oakey

He has lot's of fun and interesting FREE videos to help you to feel more charismatic!

Enjoy!

And you must be grateful for having such a friend.
great video, Thanks for sharing it Neil.
we tend to take for granted the good and enjoyable things life offers.
And when you appreciate them, they multiply.

[James81]

Originally Posted by Rezzy7

And he's able to have the "so they can experience how AWESOME I am" mentality without being an d***, the way some do? I know there is a way to be that way. Sorry if you said this already somewhere that I missed, did you talk to him about it after? Curious what else he might have said.

It's interesting to see this question from the perspective of ME not being the one asking it. I used to ask this question all the time (or the variation: "How do you be outgoing/charasmatic/get what you want without being a d***?"

The realization that changed me wasn't that I suddenly had an answer to that question (I don't). The realization that changed me most was to think about the types of behaviors that I was labeling as being a "d***" (or an ass or a jerk or whatever other variation is out there).

When I realized that that person probably doesn't see their behavior as being a "d***," I started realizing that the ways in which I was limiting myself was by looking at certain behaviors (behaviors that would actually get me more of what I want) as being assholish (or whatever).

I call it the "Moral Trap" or the "Moral Excuse." I don't do such and such because I'm too good to do that (or I don't believe doing that is right...or I believe that behavior is selfish)...that kind of thing.

The perspective changes when you start looking at it from that perspective, because then you see that you've been your own worst enemy and you START to see how you've been choosing something other than charisma because you've been labeling the behaviors of the charismatic as "d***ish."

Originally Posted by Rezzy7

Which is why it's hard for someone with that quality to tell you "how". One thing for me is the "create reference experiences" part... that's one of the things I have to learn to do. Because...

That is putting the cart before the horse, though. You don't ACT charismatic and then suddenly you become charismatic.

Charisma is a feeling. I know it, because I feel it all the time. It starts at the base of my neck and runs down my shoulders...and it starts with the prickly goosebump feelings that I get whenever I feel inspired. Then, it moves from feeling good to imagination....I see myself being charisma...being charismatic in my head. I imagine what I look like, what I'm doing, how I'm acting...I see myself moving about wherever it is that I'm at with charisma.....

And then, I sort of come back to reality (so to speak) and I notice immediately that my entire physiology (i.e. body language) has changed. There've been times when I've been in the store and I go into that state and when I sort of "come out of it" and become more aware of my surrounding, I start noticing people smiling at me. It confuses me for a second because I wonder if there's something on my face...or if my hair is out of place...or I'm wearing unmatching clothes....but those thoughts only linger for a moment when I realize that they are smiling at me because I am smiling at them!

And then I laugh, and let my old limiting beliefs (what's on my face? etc.) go on their merry way.

This is very good stuff man. It's amazing how it transforms you just to be able to do two things:

1. Make yourself feel good (i.e. for me, that's an "inspired" feeling)
2. How to use your imagination and actually see yourself, in your minds eye, being charisma.

And that, my friend, sets the framework in which charisma can thrive. Why? Because it gets your physiology on board. It's pretty hard to be charismatic when you think gunky thoughts and you have a scowl on your face and are thinking about how you *need* to be charismatic.

So, so much easier to learn how to first make yourself feel good...then use your imagination to slide into the role...and then see that your physiology shifts automatically and you're in a state in which you're able to be more charismatic.

From THERE...once you know what charisma FEELS like to you (and it may take a few times to really work yourself into that state and to tap that feeling...don't get me wrong, it took me a few months to learn what charisma felt like), those reference experiences start to create themselves in that you are in a more willing state of being charisma rather than whatever it is you normally feel.

So, I would urge you NOT to go try to create reference experiences. That shouldn't be your goal. Because that will fail and suck and you will be in your head the whole time. I urge you to learn what the state of charisma FEELS like to you, and learn how to access it when you want or need it.

[mindsight]

Originally Posted by jellybeanpimp

Plenty of dudes who were the man in the 70's have lost their charisma, and plenty of dudes who aren't much of anything right now will be rockin' it in the future.

wisely stated.

[mindsight]

charisma is certainly beautiful to express and watch.

but charisma alone may not make life better. especially if it comes at the cost of 'not being yourself'. being confidently real with yourself (and eventually others) is a pretty solid formula for good relationships out of which charisma may grow.

confidence often results from a truthful assessment of oneself with the intention and effort to improve areas of weakness. rather than being self critical or labeling aspects of oneself as bad and wanting to get rid of them without understanding their roots.

in the hyper-egocentric/narcissistic culture of the world, it can be all too easy to abandon humility and honesty with oneself in the process of pursuing the favorable perception of others.

i don't know why i wrote this... i really don't mean to 'threadcrap' or anything. i guess i wanted to put out the perspective that wanting to improve in social interactions is a wonderful thing to work towards but wanting to be all together different from who you are may be moving away from self-honesty, self-confidence and ultimate growth.

[OptimistPrime]

All jokes aside, I think I know exactly what James is talking about. Last Saturday I tagged along with my mom into several different stores, and I practiced altering my outlook and attitudes around being in a public space and examining how that changed my experiences therein. The mantra I focused on the most was, "Social interaction is a game I play for fun, not one that I play to win." When I started looking at it that way--i.e. focusing on ways that I could have fun with being out in a public place, as opposed to focusing on how I could avoid "losing"--I found that it subtly shifted many different aspects of myself. I felt more at ease in my own skin, more kind and loving toward the strangers I saw around me, less fearful of them, much more comfortable looking/smiling at people and taking in my surroundings generally, etc.

Basically, I felt confident, happy, and care-free. And I definitely could tell that other people were picking up on it, too. At this produce stand we stopped at, the cashier asked me how things were going and made some chit-chat with me, even though my mom was the one buying stuff and paying for it. I honestly can't remember a cashier -ever- conversing with me when I was just tagging along with someone else who was doing the buying/paying.

So, yeah. Looking at it from another perspective, you might say that I was "being charisma." However, I also totally agree with mindsight that charisma is something that's sweetest when you aren't attached to it. Indeed, reading this thread yesterday, I noticed that I had an unexamined belief that being charismatic was necessary for happiness. This is because I had two other unexamined beliefs: 1) that charisma was necessary for me be fawned over by lots of other people (especially people of the opposite sex), and 2) that I needed to be fawned over by lots of other people to be happy. Obviously, neither of these beliefs are true. One can enjoy happiness in lots of different contexts, and being out there socially and being adored by lots of different people is just one context out of many. If I'm going to choose to "be charisma", I'd rather do it because I feel like it than because I think I have to.

[James81]

Originally Posted by OptimistPrime

All jokes aside, I think I know exactly what James is talking about. Last Saturday I tagged along with my mom into several different stores, and I practiced altering my outlook and attitudes around being in a public space and examining how that changed my experiences therein. The mantra I focused on the most was, "Social interaction is a game I play for fun, not one that I play to win." When I started looking at it that way--i.e. focusing on ways that I could have fun with being out in a public place, as opposed to focusing on how I could avoid "losing"--I found that it subtly shifted many different aspects of myself. I felt more at ease in my own skin, more kind and loving toward the strangers I saw around me, less fearful of them, much more comfortable looking/smiling at people and taking in my surroundings generally, etc.

Basically, I felt confident, happy, and care-free. And I definitely could tell that other people were picking up on it, too. At this produce stand we stopped at, the cashier asked me how things were going and made some chit-chat with me, even though my mom was the one buying stuff and paying for it. I honestly can't remember a cashier -ever- conversing with me when I was just tagging along with someone else who was doing the buying/paying.

So, yeah. Looking at it from another perspective, you might say that I was "being charisma." However, I also totally agree with mindsight that charisma is something that's sweetest when you aren't attached to it. Indeed, reading this thread yesterday, I noticed that I had an unexamined belief that being charismatic was necessary for happiness. This is because I had two other unexamined beliefs: 1) that charisma was necessary for me be fawned over by lots of other people (especially people of the opposite sex), and 2) that I needed to be fawned over by lots of other people to be happy. Obviously, neither of these beliefs are true. One can enjoy happiness in lots of different contexts, and being out there socially and being adored by lots of different people is just one context out of many. If I'm going to choose to "be charisma", I'd rather do it because I feel like it than because I think I have to.

I agree that doing it because you have to is just playing into the limitations rather than actually *being* charisma.

And, of course, this idea works for more than just charisma. I use charisma because that's what's in this thread. But those same thoughts actually apply to any role or concept that you want to be. I've also used this same sort of technique while imagining myself to be other types of things...harmony was one...inspiration was another. Anything that really inspires you. (In other words, don't do it because you feel you have to...do it because the idea of being that thing inspires you.)

Also, I'd like to mention that this does get more natural with time. And this is where what I said about reference experiences come in. You get yourself into the state you want FIRST (just understanding that you have that power NOW, without any external feedback, is huge)...and then you watch as your experiences and feedback in your life reinforce it. And as it reinforces it, the more you believe it, the less you have to consciously use the technique (i.e. it becomes automatic to believe you are charismatic because you felt charisma, you imagined yourself as charisma, your physiology and, thus, your experiences changed in line with your feeling, and, finally, other people picked up on that and fed it back to you...which helps you to secure that belief about yourself.)

And, interesting enough, this is EXACTLY what we do as kids when we're "installing" negative beliefs about ourselves. We *feel* whatever crappy feeling, we imagine ourselves being that crappy feeling, our physiology changes, and people start mirroring that crappy feeling back to us, and then we start to believe it and thus unconsciously continue to create it.

[AngelPsychic444]

Originally Posted by quiethumir

Can a super shy, quiet, slow guy turn into a super confident, charismatic, witty person?

Take acting classes. A shy, quiet, slow guy can learn through taking acting classes to act as if he's a super confident, charismatic, witty person. I know this sounds stupid, but if you really throw yourself into taking on a role of the type of person you wish to be... eventually you'll get it right and even be able to prolong it if you want...think of it as a "role of a lifetime".

[Rezzy7]

Originally Posted by James81

The realization that changed me most was to think about the types of behaviors that I was labeling as being a "d***" (or an ass or a jerk or whatever other variation is out there).

I don't know if we're talking about the same thing. I don't think of a charismatic person in that way. And I don't know if I am able to fully explain the point of my question.

In my experience people who think that highly of themselves, who think they're the sh, have been self absorbed, egotistical, jerks...And that is not labeling that I came up with on my own, it's apparently an opinion a good number of other people share, as well. Obviously, there are very charismatic individuals to whom this does not apply. They're able to have this sense about themselves, and people respond to it positively. I asked about this coming from a place of people treating me as if I am jerkish, even though all I ever BE is as friendly, positive and generous as I know how.

When I realized that that person probably doesn't see their behavior as being a "d***,"

Do jerks ever see themselves as jerks? I don't think they see their behavior as jerkish, they just think, for example, they deserve to be in front of everybody else in traffic, so it's okay to cut you off or nearly caused an accident.

I started realizing that the ways in which I was limiting myself was by looking at certain behaviors (behaviors that would actually get me more of what I want) as being assholish (or whatever).

I guess I don't know what behaviors would get me what I want, so I wouldn't know if I look at those behaviors assholishly or not. If I am not getting what I want all I can do is ask, and it seems to me the charismatic man never has to ask, people just give him what he wants without so much as a hint from him.

I call it the "Moral Trap" or the "Moral Excuse." I don't do such and such because I'm too good to do that (or I don't believe doing that is right...or I believe that behavior is selfish)...that kind of thing.

You have an interesting point but I don't see that I'm applying this kind of trap/excuse/reasoning to the people I actually admire. I don't think they they are behaving in ways I would not want for myself, but actually, I am not around such people enough to observe them, anyway. My guess is they are not behaving selfishly, etc.

That is putting the cart before the horse, though. You don't ACT charismatic and then suddenly you become charismatic.

Now I'm getting more confused. Are you saying acting charismatic is putting the cart before the horse, or reinforcing references is? Anyway, I think what I meant is that I don't have any idea what "being charisma" is like, or feels like, because I don't remember ever being charismatic. And that is what would cause there to be positive, reinforcing references. So I don't know how one just starts feeling/believing he is that way, without understanding what it means from the inside. (Externally, I have observed what it looks like, which is not being it's observing it from the outside, in someone else.)

I urge you to learn what the state of charisma FEELS like to you, and learn how to access it when you want or need it.

I can make myself feel inspired and good, and I can be in a highly charged, positive state. And sometimes that does seem to positively influence how people respond to me. But that is not charisma, and it is still a far cry from how people react to a charismatic person.

Originally Posted by mindsight

i guess i wanted to put out the perspective that wanting to improve in social interactions is a wonderful thing to work towards but wanting to be all together different from who you are may be moving away from self-honesty, self-confidence and ultimate growth.

Good point. For myself, at least, I don't have any intention to be other than who I am, and who I strive to become, is also part of who I am.

Originally Posted by James81

And as it reinforces it, the more you believe it, the less you have to consciously use the technique (i.e. it becomes automatic to believe you are charismatic because you felt charisma, you imagined yourself as charisma, your physiology and, thus, your experiences changed in line with your feeling, and, finally, other people picked up on that and fed it back to you...which helps you to secure that belief about yourself.

For me the feedback section is the convincer, which solidifies it all, and it is the part I'm not experiencing enough of. I guess I have a ways to go.

[womanunderpressure]

Originally Posted by quiethumir

Can a super shy, quiet, slow guy turn into a super confident, charismatic, witty person?

After reading all the comments, this is what I have to say

Are you comparing yourself to someone you know, that you would like to be more like? IF so, be careful of comparisons. Sometimes the super popular charismatic people have issues that prevent them from deeper emotional intimacy. Attracting people initially is one skill...keeping them around is an entirely different skill set. Being charismatic and roundly popular can bring a great deal of gratification, and is worth pursuing if you are unhappy with yourself.

But remember that even if you achieve a greater height of confidence, charisma, and wit, you dont want it to look like anybody else's. YOu have to form your own version or it will be pointless. Maybe its a combination of your shyness and confidence. There's nothing wrong with being shy

The main thing is, that trumps everything, is that people like people who are respectful and considerat of them. Treat as you would be treated. Considering the feelings and space of others goes a long way. This would prevent pushy peole from being pushy, overly aggressive people from being overly aggressive. Also humility is important. YOu can be confident but also humble. A lack of humility, and a blown up ego, is usually what leads a guy to be what we call a "dork"...someone always trying to be funny and popular, but never pulling it off. Instead of being natural, he forces it and becomes overbearing.

WE all know people who are the center of attention. Sometimes these people pull it off well. I know a guy that i akinda like right now, i like him a lot and posted a thread about it...but i realize that he manifests some attention-grabbing behavior, and that is a sign of immaturity i think. Treat people as individuals.

I have known quite a few outgoing guys whose routine ended up stale and old. Whatever your goals, are, be real.

[OptimistPrime]

Originally Posted by Rezzy7

Anyway, I think what I meant is that I don't have any idea what "being charisma" is like, or feels like, because I don't remember ever being charismatic. And that is what would cause there to be positive, reinforcing references. So I don't know how one just starts feeling/believing he is that way, without understanding what it means from the inside.

This blog post might be helpful; it's about how to create the experience of something inwardly before experiencing it outwardly: How To Become a Vibrational Match for Your Desire

But I know what you mean about how it's more challenging to imagine something you have no personal memories of experiencing. For example, I find it really difficult to imagine being in a relationship where the other person and I are mutually attracted to one another, because I've only had experience with being attracted to someone who wasn't attracted to me, or vice versa.

[Sammino]

I don't normally tap into it,
but today, I was freakin charismatic.

at work, I was the man. I was doing my job well. I was fast and focused with a smile on my face. and the supervisor loved my work.

at the gym. I lifted more weights than usual. it seemed easy and fun. I looked in the mirror and felt that I'm good looking. (even that I'm pretty regular looking, and I buzzed my thin hair all of a week ago)

at the grocery store I was smiling at people. and they were smiling back at me.

at the hotdog kiosk I had a fun conversation with the cool dude serving it.

I think the reason behind this good feeling/charisma today is;

1-working out regularly. I've been going to the gym 4 times a week. and enjoying it, as well as eating healthy etc. which is taking responsibility for myself and body. working out makes you walk taller, and gives you inner confidence. even if you're not in top shape, the mare fact that you're working out at the gym regularly is a boost of everything good.'

2-dressing good, being in style. I personally feel good when I am in cool fresh clothes. I got myself cool sneakers with a bright blue tshirt. It just feels good being in style. also fits in the category of taking care of yourself.

3-serving people and taking responsibilities at work. be authentic and give what you can. be valuable to your company. (or friends and social circle..etc)..give value out.

life is good when you're in that mode. its like what it feels when Mario hits that glowing star that makes him invincible (for a period of time). lol

just give it a smile and be what you're meant to be.

Hope this helps.

[Dulma]

Originally Posted by quiethumir

Can a super shy, quiet, slow guy turn into a super confident, charismatic, witty person?

Yes. But the process is the reverse of what people often think; you don't have to acquire new qualities or change who you are but rather *shed* your self-doubt and let your natural charm and charisma shine through. I promise, it's there. You just have to let go of the baggage of limiting beliefs that have buried it.