Missing sex.

[nietsdoen]

How do you cope with missing sex? After getting out of a long term relationship, you get used to having regular sex. And you don't want to just have sex with some random person, because that would be meaningless. There are so many things to miss about sex. Not just that it feels amazing physically, but the oxytocin as well. Really, it's just the mass amounts of oxytocin+sexual pleasure that make it so desirable. One could masturbate, but where's the oxytocin?

How do you cope? Are there any satisfactory replacements?

[OptimistPrime]

Lucid dreaming?

[Laurenaus]

Try to find an F buddy in your area. I don't like to sleep around but you're not always gonna be in a relationship and you can grow to like sex with someone who won't necessarily become a serious boyfriend. Just focus on how it physically feels good to you--it helps!

[Dulma]

I'm in the same boat. I try to be as creative as possible. Transmute that energy into something tangible and lasting: work, scholarly achievement, a project, poetry, painting, playing an instrument, or just your own spiritual progress (my personal favorite).

Also, when that background urge becomes a physical need and manifests in a strong way energetically, just try to tune into it and feel it like it's electricity concentrated below your core. And breathe. Of course, this is basically the rule for dealing with all overwhelming or interesting sensations in general

Also, giving yourself a little bit of lovin' action here and there can usually be energizing, calming, and satisfying

[Cochonette]

I became attached to cuddling. lol It's actually an addiction. The way you talk about "oxytocin" tells you that. Oxytocin is like a drug.

I have been trying to find a new person to cuddle with and not have it be a necessarily serious thing, but I have found that there is like no one who considers cuddling a casual thing unless they want to have sex with you. It's annoying as hell. I want to be able to have my drug without having sex! lol

But yeah... I am starting to get tired of the search for a new person to cuddle with. It's been almost two months. I am about ready to start channeling that energy into other thoughts because it seems like a waste of energy. Although I have been using it for good things: meeting new people, dating, building self-confidence. So it fits into my plans right now. But at the same time, having such a strong desire go unfulfilled all the time, I feel like I am being desperate. I am trying too hard. It's dissatisfying. I don't like addictions. Why do I want cuddling so badly anyway? Other than the addiction, I know that I want it because when I had it, it made my life feel more satisfying, like I had this really pleasant place to come back to each day, a home. But I guess I'll have to focus on enjoying being a vagabond for a while longer. It's the thing I *really* can count on. lol

[Dulma]

Originally Posted by Cochonette

I became attached to cuddling. lol It's actually an addiction. The way you talk about "oxytocin" tells you that. Oxytocin is like a drug.

I have been trying to find a new person to cuddle with and not have it be a necessarily serious thing, but I have found that there is like no one who considers cuddling a casual thing unless they want to have sex with you. It's annoying as hell. I want to be able to have my drug without having sex! lol

But yeah... I am starting to get tired of the search for a new person to cuddle with. It's been almost two months. I am about ready to start channeling that energy into other thoughts because it seems like a waste of energy. Although I have been using it for good things: meeting new people, dating, building self-confidence. So it fits into my plans right now. But at the same time, having such a strong desire go unfulfilled all the time, I feel like I am being desperate. I am trying too hard. It's dissatisfying. I don't like addictions. Why do I want cuddling so badly anyway? Other than the addiction, I know that I want it because when I had it, it made my life feel more satisfying, like I had this really pleasant place to come back to each day, a home. But I guess I'll have to focus on enjoying being a vagabond for a while longer. It's the thing I *really* can count on. lol

Hehe. I have a friend who specializes in "cuddle therapy" (has his own business cards and everything) and actually cuddles with people for a living. He's quite good at it, from what I hear. It's platonic and not necessary between opposite sexes. He and some other friends of ours also have cuddle events and parties.

So, there are *some* people who understand where you're coming from and have taken the initiative to make cuddling more accessible without the strings attached. Unfortunately, such people that I know of are mostly in northern California. Maybe you can be a cuddle therapist!

[Le Roi]

@Nietsdoen Do you have an available ex-boyfriend whom you still get along with whom you would be up for having sex on a friendly, non-relationship basis until you get into another relationship? Would that work for you?

[Cochonette]

Originally Posted by Dulma

Hehe. I have a friend who specializes in "cuddle therapy" (has his own business cards and everything) and actually cuddles with people for a living. He's quite good at it, from what I hear. It's platonic and not necessary between opposite sexes. He and some other friends of ours also have cuddle events and parties.

So, there are *some* people who understand where you're coming from and have taken the initiative to make cuddling more accessible without the strings attached. Unfortunately, such people that I know of are mostly in northern California. Maybe you can be a cuddle therapist!

Seriously?! I want to talk to this friend of yours and get some tips. I would totally be a cuddle therapist!

[Le Roi]

Originally Posted by Cochonette

Seriously?! I want to talk to this friend of yours and get some tips. I would totally be a cuddle therapist!

I would hire you! I'm in need of some serious cuddling this week!

[nietsdoen]

Originally Posted by Le Roi

@Nietsdoen Do you have an available ex-boyfriend whom you still get along with whom you would be up for having sex on a friendly, non-relationship basis until you get into another relationship? Would that work for you?

A) no, and B) I think that would be a terrible idea, lol. There would be a large chance of feelings resurfacing, IMO.

Interesting suggestion, though. Have you ever tried this?

[nietsdoen]

Originally Posted by Laurenaus

Try to find an F buddy in your area. I don't like to sleep around but you're not always gonna be in a relationship and you can grow to like sex with someone who won't necessarily become a serious boyfriend. Just focus on how it physically feels good to you--it helps!

Meh. I'm not really interested in finding an F buddy. Most of what I miss about sex (besides the oxytocin and sexual pleasure) comes from how it made me feel towards the person. I could learn to enjoy sex without a romantic partner, but I think it's most enjoyable with one, and I'm not sure I want to experience it without that element.

[nietsdoen]

Originally Posted by Cochonette

I have been trying to find a new person to cuddle with and not have it be a necessarily serious thing, but I have found that there is like no one who considers cuddling a casual thing unless they want to have sex with you. It's annoying as hell. I want to be able to have my drug without having sex! lol

lol. I like this idea. Even though your search has produced more frustration than oxytocin, it feels like something to strive for, for sure. I've actually always wanted someone who would cuddle without me without all the label BS. People should just cuddle as an expression of love, y'know? Doesn't have to be romantic love.

Originally Posted by Dulma

I'm in the same boat. I try to be as creative as possible. Transmute that energy into something tangible and lasting: work, scholarly achievement, a project, poetry, painting, playing an instrument, or just your own spiritual progress (my personal favorite).

Ah, I like these ideas (and the breathing one). I need to be doing that, anyway. Instead of wistfully thinking about sex, I should just get off my ass, lol.

[Le Roi]

Originally Posted by nietsdoen

Interesting suggestion, though. Have you ever tried this?

Yup.

[Cochonette]

Originally Posted by Le Roi

I would hire you! I'm in need of some serious cuddling this week!

I thought about it again, and... I don't think I could legitimately call myself a cuddle therapist since there would be so much self-interest. It would be like therapy for ME.

[Le Roi]

Originally Posted by Cochonette

I thought about it again, and... I don't think I could legitimately call myself a cuddle therapist since there would be so much self-interest. It would be like therapy for ME.

That's true, you should only get a job in which you have absolutely no self interest, and which would bring you absolutely no joy.

[Cochonette]

Originally Posted by Le Roi

That's true, you should only get a job in which you have absolutely no self interest, and which would bring you absolutely no joy.

lol, but I mean "therapist"... not that it's a real therapist anyway, haha.

[James81]

You know what *I* miss the most about relationships? BACK RUBS. Sex is fairly easy to get, but back rubs? That takes a bit of intimacy.

*le sigh*

I find myself really wanting a relationship now, but with absolutely no time to cultivate one. Go figure, when I finally feel *ready* again, I get into a program with an insane amount of work and time for little else (aside from time with my kids, that is). Fortunately, I've been able to date a little bit, but I've had to just stop talking to a couple of girls simply because they wouldn't leave me alone and I didn't have time for them.

[Cochonette]

Originally Posted by James81

You know what *I* miss the most about relationships? BACK RUBS. Sex is fairly easy to get, but back rubs? That takes a bit of intimacy.

Yeah, seriously... wtf is wrong with this world?

[Laurenaus]

suit yourself!

[Ajna]

Originally Posted by James81

You know what *I* miss the most about relationships? BACK RUBS. Sex is fairly easy to get, but back rubs? That takes a bit of intimacy.

*le sigh*

I find myself really wanting a relationship now, but with absolutely no time to cultivate one. Go figure, when I finally feel *ready* again, I get into a program with an insane amount of work and time for little else (aside from time with my kids, that is). Fortunately, I've been able to date a little bit, but I've had to just stop talking to a couple of girls simply because they wouldn't leave me alone and I didn't have time for them.

I know exactly what you mean!
At this point I feel like I am scrambling to find down time between work, junior and school...and a back rub in my bed would be awesome. Sadly I would be fast asleep and there would be zero conversation LOL

[Le Roi]

Ya, see Cochonette, that's why your cuddling services are needed. For those too busy to actually get into a relationship, or to learn to naturally attract some free cuddling-only buddies at the moment.

[Dulma]

Originally Posted by Cochonette

Seriously?! I want to talk to this friend of yours and get some tips. I would totally be a cuddle therapist!

Sounds like the life, right?

[Cochonette]

Originally Posted by Dulma

Sounds like the life, right?

lol, indeed. The life only made possible by prudes and scaredypants.

[elucidate]

I've been channeling it into erotic literature at the moment, poetry and art projects, and boy have I come up with some interesting ideas.

I'm like you though, I don't really want just random sex anymore, and haven't for a while. It's always better with someone you love. I really want cuddles and back rubs too. A foot massage wouldn't be too out of the question either. I like the idea of having my feet washed as an act of devotion by a lover...and I would do the same for someone I really loved.