need advice on my social communication issues

[quiethumir]

The main issue that I have is I'm too quiet. I just don't know what to say in conversations. It's not that I'm nervous or anything. Sometimes i feel I'm kinda dumb and slow. I'm not good at long explanations and improvising and being witty. I'm not depressed about it at all. Also it's hard for me to understand when someone's speaking continuously. Like it's hard for me to catch up. I just know how to smile, nod my head, and ask questions. I think I ask too many questions. I don't have too many opinions on anything.

Here's the thing. I'm trying to solve these issues and need to know what's the root cause of them. Do I just need more social experience or do I have to improve my brainpower/intelligence as well.

[Eduard E]

I doubt it's a matter of brain power. It really doesn't take that much of an IQ to make conversation. Here are two articles that I think will help you:

How to Make Small Talk
How to Be More Outgoing

Also, feel free to browse through the blog, as you'll find other helpful content as well.

[quiethumir]

cool website! thanks

[jakojako]

Maybe you lack confidence?
It's ok to be quiet, maybe that's just the way you are. Accept it as it is.
Society expects everybody to be an extrovert. They see it as ''normal''. When someone is quiet/introverted, even your parents are behaving like something is wrong with you, not realizing something is wrong with their beliefs.
---
"Also it's hard for me to understand when someone's speaking continuously. Like it's hard for me to catch up."
Ok, this might indicate a problem with your intelligence...
You see, I was very introverted, had low self-confidence, suffered from social phobia and with all that, I never had the problem you mentioned! I never had trouble understanding what someone is saying, no matter how fast they talk.

So unless it's not your main language, I would try to fix this. Maybe your mind wanders around constantly in conversation?

After I started practicing yoga (improved posture = less wandering, better focus) and meditation, I noticed a huge improvement in my social skills(even without practice!). Just suddenly, it was so easy for me to come with answer to ANY question because my mind worked so smoothly. Confidence came along with that.

[quiethumir]

thanks Jakojako. Like I said I'm not depressed about it. I just must improve my social skills because the career I'm in calls for a lot of communication and needs to be thorough and detailed

any more advice would be appreciated

[Clint Cora]

Communication has nothing do to with intelligence. Such skills can be developed. I would suggest checking out Toastmasters clubs in your local area as well as any conversational skills seminars or workshops that you might find. These are very supportive environments and such skills are something you just have to develop, that's all.

[NicB]

Perhaps it's not necessarily a problem that has a deep-root at all, maybe it's just a matter of habit. The right habits just might not be there.

It's like you're a basketball player who has the ability, but just doesn't have the moves.

So yeh, maybe some go-to conversation moves could help.
But i think most of all, having a go-to mindset is the key.

I'm going through a similar problem and recently started a thread asking for books on the issue. Check it here: Best books on social / communication / expression?

[quiethumir]

hey thanks.

Any more opinions welcome