Daughter doing porn

[lubella]

[Mod: This was originally posted here: [Adult] My Daughter is a Porn Star]

Hello,

I joined this group today because I too have a daughter who is in porn at 18 years old. I am having a difficult time accepting what she does. My son (20) has disowned her as a sister, I, as a mother, can not do that so easily. She turned 18 this year, quit her last year of high school with only 6 months to go and claimed that she just wanted to be on her own. I found out thru my son, that she was on a porn site. I saw for my self some of the pictures and I straight out asked her thru texting. I asked her also if she was having sex with people on camera, she admitted to it and said she ENJOYED it. I was crushed, heartbroken, disgusted, embarrassed, humiliated, and I'm sure there are more words to describe how I am feeling. I don't want anyone to know, not my mother or father, nor any of my siblings, nor friends. I have images in my head of what she is doing and I burst in tears, I want to shake it off and say to myself that it is not real. The way I feel about porn is very harsh, I have always felt a lot of sexual things and people were perverted. I feel people who go to strip joints or watch porn on the computer are perverted, and here my only daughter is doing the very thing that despises me. She has told me that I was the only person she cared about losing over this, she apologized many times, but justifying it with the money or liking it. Then says shes been depressed. I know she is doing marijuana, and more than likely cocaine. I explained how drugs were uppers and downers but I don't know if she listened. Last I texted was that I wanted to send her to Italy to live with my dad and stepmom to start fresh and start over for her (I had already asked her to come home to me and start over, but apparently she did not want to do that). She said she would think about it. That was 2 days ago and I havent' heard anything. Now for myself, I am trying to figure out how to cope with it, spiritually I know it is wrong what she is doing and wrong for me to have some of the feelings I am feeling. I don't want to continue my relationship with her normally because I don't want to encourage her behavior, but I am not sure if I need to tell her that I will be here for her when she is ready to change her life, which would mean I have no contact with her until she is ready to change. I am struggling with that emotionally and seeking scripture to help me cope. I want to do the right thing as a mother the way God would want me to handle it. I just don't know yet how to cope. Any serious advise, opinions are greatly appreciated.

[FelineNostalgia]

I dont know where to start

First of all I am so sorry that your going through a turbulant patch with your daughter

Why has she chosen to do porn? Is it a form of escapism? Or has she diferent moral values than you, because thats okay, she is an adult, and she is free to have her own opinions

The more you dont support her the more she will go with her own guidance, 18 is young, and you say your sure shes into drugs too? Your her mother, you need to be there. I can understand the embrassing nature of it but what I dont understand is why your son is disowning her as a sister, its a bit harsh

Also whats your relationship like with her, and does she have a good father figure?

Accept that shes an adult and try not to be disgusted. Finding peace in yourself will help her more than you know

Be open and loving thats the only way youll get her to understand how you feel, how do you expect her to understand you if you dont understand her. The best you can do is offer love and support and its up to her to receive that. Talk to her about the complications of working in the porn industry,there are some good documentarys, if you focus on yourself and how ashamed she makes you shell get defensive

Remeber shes a human, she makes mistakes no matter what happens shes your baby

this is an important milestone for her shes most likely dealing with internal chaos and needs love and support. disown her , you may not ever have the same relationship again. support and love her it could be the start of a healing process

be strong for both of you

[Plays With Life]

Originally Posted by lubella

I was crushed, heartbroken, disgusted, embarrassed, humiliated, and I'm sure there are more words to describe how I am feeling.

As long as you're feeling these things, they will come through in every interaction you have with her. Would you want to continue a close relationship with a person who felt these things about you? Would you enjoy interactions with a person who felt these things about you? Your daughter probably won't either.

Of course there's nothing *wrong* with you having these feelings. But, if you want to connect with your daughter, having these feelings will probably get in the way of it. Eliminating these feelings is the best place for you to start, if you want to reconnect with your daughter.

You could try BSFF. This is the quickstart - YouTube - ‪BSFF QuickStart 1 of 3 Be Set Free Fast By Larry Nims, Ph.D.‬‏
You can run through the quickstart, then use the cue word on everything you're feeling about your daughter and about the situation. You'll feel better soon - and that will help to get into a place where you're better able to connect with her.
Larry Nims created BSFF. He's Christian, if you have any concerns about that.

Originally Posted by lubella

spiritually I know it is wrong what she is doing

Does your daughter know that it's wrong?

[taylor]

As long as you "know" that what she is doing is wrong, I "know" you won't be at peace with her.

Jesus said "How can you say to your brother, 'Let me take the speck out of your eye,' when all the time there is a plank in your own eye?"

I'd first work on completely and totally forgiving her and that means you don't judge against whatever choices she's made. She sounds to me like if she's depressed then she knows she's not doing what she wants to be doing, but she's not yet willing enough to change. Often times the only way for people to change is to go through painful lessons. Until then, don't withhold your love and acceptance of her over this. You'll regret it.

[veloci]

If you truly love her, you'd forgive her. This means you'd forgive yourself first because you felt hurt by her. Thus, true forgiveness is when you always forgive yourself first before the other person.

You are imposing your free-will onto her by shoving your beliefs down her throat. She is a human being just like you, thus her free-will is as equal and important as yours.

Give unconditional love to her regardless of what she does. This does not mean you will condone her action. It simply means you accept it, and if she has to learn a lesson from this so be it. It is her own life after all, and you can only be there to support her when she needs it the most.

For further clarification, when I said you do not have to condone her action I mean you are not condoning it due to your love for her. You care about her and want her to be okay. Nonetheless, you can still give her the love she deserves just like every other human being.

[Benton]

Please understand I'm coming at this from the complete opposite side as you. I'd hope that you could consider that there are other ways of looking at this.

Originally Posted by lubella

I asked her also if she was having sex with people on camera, she admitted to it and said she ENJOYED it.

How many people do you know that would KILL for a job they actually wanted to go to every day? We would all be so lucky to have a job that we loved. (Science forbid we actually enjoy sex. "SEX: It's not just for procreation anymore!")

The way I feel about porn is very harsh, I have always felt a lot of sexual things and people were perverted. I feel people who go to strip joints or watch porn on the computer are perverted, and here my only daughter is doing the very thing that despises me.

Pretty sure you meant "I despise," but regardless, remember there are a lot of people who feel differently than you and have the right to feel the way they feel, the same as you. Some people love sex. A lot. Some people like to watch, some people like to show, some people want to do it with as many people as they can during their lives, some people want to never do it at all. All of these people are okay. All of these people also deserve to be allowed to think and do what they want as long as nobody gets hurt. (Do you know about Rule 34? Google it. It might be a joke, but it's true. And what's more there's a reason it's true.)

I know she is doing marijuana, and more than likely cocaine. I explained how drugs were uppers and downers but I don't know if she listened.

It's good that you discussed drugs with her. I wonder what info you offered, however. I learned more about the 'theory' of drugs from hippies than I did from all the drug education in school and my parents combined. I learned from people who not only had a lot of experience in that field but also had my trust because I'd seen them be good people over and over. They told me what drugs to stay away from, what drugs were pretty harmless, and what drugs they'd 'babysit' me if I ever wanted to try.

Last I texted was that I wanted to send her to Italy to live with my dad and stepmom to start fresh and start over for her (I had already asked her to come home to me and start over, but apparently she did not want to do that).

Does that really surprise you? Why would she want to move back in with somebody that, even if they never vocalize it, are "crushed, heartbroken, disgusted, embarrassed, humiliated" by her and think she is a "pervert?" Especially when she's making enough money to support herself easily.

...spiritually I know it is wrong what she is doing

And here we have the crux of the matter. You think she's going to hell.

It's not wrong. You think it's wrong, but that doesn't make it so.

Let me give you another perspective on this: there is no hell. There's also no heaven. There's no invisible friend watching over you like some perverted peeping Tom. When we're dead, we're gone. Do what you will here, because just like elephants, mice and bacteria, when it's over, it's over.

Many of the people around you do not believe in the supernatural (I, myself, am an atheist.). They don't feel the need for God and are perfectly moral people every day.

Please consider that your beliefs and moral structure are different from hers and there's nothing wrong with that. You can not change her, and you can not force her to accept your 'help' or judgements. You can, however, drive her away completely. Since it doesn't seem like that's your goal, you may need to modify your way of thinking a little.

[ZephyrusX]

Originally Posted by Plays With Life

As long as you're feeling these things, they will come through in every interaction you have with her. Would you want to continue a close relationship with a person who felt these things about you? Would you enjoy interactions with a person who felt these things about you? Your daughter probably won't either.

I agree with this, but unlike PWL, I'm going to be blunt. May be you ought to forgive your self for feeling ashamed of your daughter and giving her good cause to feel completely repelled by you. Your entire post was about you, not your daughter. If you want to connect with her, trying listening to her point of view and understanding it. Treat her as an autonomous being.

[C33]

It's not so much the porn as the porn industry that should worry you.

The fact that she's 18, depressed, possibly taking drugs makes it difficult for her to make healthy decisions. What I mean by healthy is taking good care of herself physically, make sure she's not getting a STD, etc...

There are people out there profitting from young ladies who are attracted by fast money and who want to rebel against their parents' values.

All porn actresses say they love what they do. It's marketing. The way porn films are made, there are very little chances for them to actually "love" what they do. They might love the lifestyle, the attention, but I think very few truly enjoy the actual doing.

It would be helpful to assess the real situation. If she truly enjoys what she does, then fine, she is leading the life she wants to lead. However, if she's drugged up to an inch of her life to be able to perform sexual acts, she's not truly in an enjoying place.

You should determine if your daughter is being exploited, with her consent, or if she is doing that as a career she loves that happens to clash with your values.
In this case, it's not your place, as a parent, to intervene.If she's in danger, it's another story.

Leaving the door open without voicing out judgement is the best thing you can do. Otherwise, she'll just distance herself more and more, until you don't know where she is. Her peer group is probably constituted of other people in the porn industry. If you want to keep some influence on her, you need to still be in touch.

The porn industry is a disgusting trade, exploiting and degrading women while giving the impression that these women love the degradation, even brainwashing them to say that they do. Read the Empire of Illusion by Chris Hedges, for an accurate description of the damage done to women by that industry. You should have compassion for your daughter, not judge her.

[Clint Cora]

This is a really tough situation. First, for you, I think you should seek a local group or professional who can help you cope in person rather than rely on an online forum. You need that personal interaction. Start that now.

As for your daughter, it seems that the more we try to help, the more they push away. There are two schools of thought on this. One is direct intervention with the help of others. This is how sometimes drug addicts are dealt with - they are actively removed from their current dangerous environments.

The other school of thought is that you make your position known to your daughter but at the same time, as tough as it seems, say that you will always be there for her. Then she'll have to learn things on her own and when (if) she comes out in the future, you will be there for her.

These two routes are quite opposite so you might want to talk to your local support group on what would be most appropriate.

[KaleidoskopicVision]

Fact of the matter is, at age 18 a child is no longer legally considered a child thus they have the right to do whatever their parents consider to be morally reprehensible so long as it is legal. Perhaps your daughter is using this as a fulcrum to assert independence over her own life in the way that seemed most available to her. Her depression may be stemming from the internal conflict between the moral platitudes you instilled in her (your disgust for sexual industries must've made some impression on her) and her desire to develop her own locus of power and independence free from a parent fueled superego.

I look at this situation and it reminds me of my sister who just turned 18 and is very sexually active. A part of me wants to react much like your son did but I know that this would be nothing but an immature way of lashing out in denial. If I am to be a good brother to her I must love her regardless of what bothers me about her actions (notice I didn't say faults, just because something seems to be a faulty behavior to you doesn't mean it is). I think my sister being so sexually promiscuous is harmful to her and it occasionally bothers me but I know that this concern for her must not become fuel for disgust and hatred. I also acknowledge that she may very well never bring harm to herself and it reminds me to reassess my own faults, shortcomings and behaviors I engage in which may bother people who love me. Thinking about that helps me better understand what my judgment might feel like to her. It doesn't feel good at all and it makes me want to do whatever bothers said love one even more just so that they understand that I am not their possession, I am a human being with a will to do what I want.

It's important not to stamp on that if you still want to be there as a loving mother. You may not be able to 'free her' from doing porn and trying to is taking the approach of hatred and disgust. Accept that now or you're going to have a long and hard road of pain ahead of you. Just keep your door and your heart open. Maybe she will change, maybe she won't. This is a part of life we all eventually come to, when our love for others must mature beyond what we want from them and what we think is best for them to a more unconditional love. Not all of us make it past the learning curve, but the chance to become a more compassionate person is before you.

[beast]

I don't think you need to forgive her, because there's nothing to forgive. She is an adult, choosing to engage in a legal, lucrative profession which she enjoys. That is a good thing!

[Criseyde]

Hi lubella,

I understand how difficult it is to find out that someone you love is doing something that you find reprehensible. I also understand that many parents have difficulty imagining their children engaging in any sexual activity, whether in the context of a loving relationship or not! I do agree with previous posters that the only way you are going to be able to have any sort of positive influence on this situation is through forgiveness and acceptance.

However, I do not share the opinion that since pornography is legal, it is relatively harmless. I did some research into the porn industry recently and concluded that, although ethical porn exists, not all porn is ethical. That's not a value judgment about the people who enjoy porn or the people who participate in it: whether porn is ethical has nothing to do with morals and everything to do with fair pay, disease prevention, and consent. There are a few factors that I would be considering beyond the moral shock, if I were you:

First and foremost, there's the issue of the drugs. Do you know she's doing cocaine? This is the very first thing that I would address. Offer to support her in ending this habit, as soon as she's ready.

Secondly, there's the depression. Have you offered to help support her in treatment for that?

Is she getting paid a fair wage? Is this her only job? Often, women who do not have college degrees feel like their only options are minimum wage labor or porn. And of course, porn pays more... though not necessarily a whole lot more. Is she in school? I don't really know how I would want to broach this subject; you know your daughter better than we do.

Is she getting tested for STDs regularly? Are they using condoms?

If you make it clear that you love and support her and want what's best for her, she might be more open and receptive to your concerns. Or, honestly, she might not. But I suspect, if what you've said about the cocaine and depression is true, that she might really appreciate her mother's support with these issues, whether or not she decides to continue in the porn industry.

[curiouslyrandom]

Originally Posted by KaleidoskopicVision

Please see my first post in this thread, most companies producing pornography go out of their way to ensure this does not happen due to the liability it creates. Myths about the porn industry are rife, that the participants are often drugged to the point of incoherence is one of the more popular and ridiculously exaggerated claims.

I agree. If you want to learn about the porn industry, read blogs by people who are actually in it. You will find that many of them DO enjoy their work, but there are always those who got into it for the wrong reasons and regret it later. You could say that about ANY industry, really.

The harder a parent pushes, the further the child will go in the opposite direction. If my daughter got into porn next year (she's 17 now), I'd be disappointed because she's got so much talent in other directions, but it would be her decision and she knows I love her and support her in all things.

It sounds like what you are most ashamed of isn't your daughter, it's yourself.

[ZephyrusX]

Irrespective of whether the porn industry is harmful or/and ethical, I think the issue is the OP's capacity to connect with her daughter. I know that some women (and men) get into pornography and street prostitution due to class issues. It could be that her daughter got into pornography because this is the only way she can see in order to build her self-esteem and financial independence. On the other hand, may be she really is enjoying it and she has her life on track.

The problem is that we don't know, and judging solely on the OP, I don't think the mother knows either. She only hinted at her daughter being 'depressed' and being out of school, but what about the rest of the context? What does this mean? Why is she depressed? Does the daughter know how to protect her self? Does the daughter have long term goals? How is she treated on the set?

Even if the daughter is in the porn industry for the wrong reason, I hardly think 'your actions are disgusting' is a empathetic and helpful attitude. Seriously, pardon my language, but 'what the ****'? Seriously? You can't help someone who doesn't want to speak to you, and if that is really your attitude, why would she want to talk to you? Its bad enough that her brother disowned her.

People make the wrong decisions. They can be due to class issues or issues with gender or what have you. I don't think this makes them 'digusting' or a source of 'humiliation' though. They are just human, and chances are, what they want is our love, understanding and support. Not your judgement and condemnation.

[Anthoneee]

Originally Posted by KaleidoskopicVision

Same. Could a mod please split this thread into something more related to the moral standing of prostitution/stripping/pornography and less related to lubella's concerns for her daughter?

One could say the morality attached to porn is directly related to Lubella's concern, and the conflict arising from it - I even think it is the core of what this problem is. I think the different perspectives provided in this thread can provide a valuable learning experience to many, including the OP.

I just wanted to strengthen the position that there is nothing wrong in what your daughter doing. I'll keep it short as I would just be repeating what others have already said. Acceptance, understanding, and love - not only toward your daughter, but toward yourself, as the judgment you apply toward your daughter's actions is more a reflection of yourself than it is of her.

[Criseyde]

I've split off the posts discussing porn and the sex industry more generally, the new thread is here: Discussion about porn and the sex industry

[SnerpGoodWord]

Originally Posted by Anthoneee

I just wanted to strengthen the position that there is nothing wrong in what your daughter doing.

Yup - depression, drugs, estranged from her family. Nothing wrong there. Everything's peachy keen. Fabulous in fact

What we were hearing about is just the consequences of the way porn is made. You can't divorce the moral issues around porn from the actual real-world impact on the people involved.

[Mariana Trench]

Originally Posted by SnerpGoodWord

Yup - depression, drugs, estranged from her family. Nothing wrong there. Everything's peachy keen. Fabulous in fact :confused

It pretty likely these things came before the porn, after all she did drop out of school so she could get away from her family (aka "be out on her own").

[SnerpGoodWord]

Originally Posted by Mariana Trench

It pretty likely these things came before the porn, after all she did drop out of school so she could get away from her family (aka "be out on her own").

There's a good chance the drugs pre-date the porn too, but the point is that the situation has to be viewed as a whole. Is she doing porn to pay for drugs, or doing drugs to escape the realities of doing porn? The issue is not to resolve the chicken and egg problem (since both are likely true) but rather to understand that porn/stripping/prostitution doesn't exist in a vacuum and has real human consequences.

[Mariana Trench]

Originally Posted by SnerpGoodWord

There's a good chance the drugs pre-date the porn too, but the point is that the situation has to be viewed as a whole. Is she doing porn to pay for drugs, or doing drugs to escape the realities of doing porn? The issue is not to resolve the chicken and egg problem (since both are likely true) but rather to understand that porn/stripping/prostitution doesn't exist in a vacuum and has real human consequences.

I agree. But I doubt the OP is likely to help her daughter with health and safety from the moralist perspective she's approaching it. Running away and doing porn screams of wanting to escape that in the first place (porn filling the dual needs of rebellion and money), and even if her mother has legitimate concerns and things to say (Is she being safe? Is she addicted to drugs?) she's unlikely to listen especially if she continues that demeanor.

The opening post itself at it's core is selfish: it emphasizes whether shunning the poster's daughter or not will leave her in better standing with God more than it does actual concern for the well being of her daughter or willingness to empathize with her. It seems to focus more on the idea of a relationship with her daughter than the flesh and blood human.

[Criseyde]

Originally Posted by Mariana Trench

I agree. But I doubt the OP is likely to help her daughter with health and safety from the moralist perspective she's approaching it. Running away and doing porn screams of wanting to escape that in the first place (porn filling the dual needs of rebellion and money), and even if her mother has legitimate concerns and things to say (Is she being safe? Is she addicted to drugs?) she's unlikely to listen especially if she continues that demeanor.

I completely agree with this. But...

The opening post itself at it's core is selfish: it emphasizes whether shunning the poster's daughter or not will leave her in better standing with God more than it does actual concern for the well being of her daughter or willingness to empathize with her.

I would cut her a little slack on that. (Sorry to talk about you in the third person, lubella.) If you use God's word as a moral compass, and take to heart the call to "take up your cross and follow me," it's not necessarily selfish to try to handle things the way God would want you to. She said she wants to do the right thing as a mother. To me, that suggests that she wants to do the best thing for her daughter, in the long term. Many many parents hope that by condemning their children's practices, they can get their children to change and do "the right thing." Whether or not that's helpful is a different discussion.

The fact that she even came here and asked about it shows that she's thinking about it pretty deeply, and perhaps looking for viewpoints outside the ones that would be found in her community. I commend that.

[Mariana Trench]

Originally Posted by Criseyde

I would cut her a little slack on that. (Sorry to talk about you in the third person, lubella.) If you use God's word as a moral compass, and take to heart the call to "take up your cross and follow me," it's not necessarily selfish to try to handle things the way God would want you to. She said she wants to do the right thing as a mother. To me, that suggests that she wants to do the best thing for her daughter, in the long term. Many many parents hope that by condemning their children's practices, they can get their children to change and do "the right thing." Whether or not that's helpful is a different discussion.

I realize it doesn't seem selfish to the person living like that at all (and that my post was quite harsh). I say these things from an ex-Christian perspective: it doesn't seem selfish because you've been told doing what God wants is never selfish--it's for God, after all, and he'll make it right in the end. However, when you're more concerned about your own check marks on God's list than how you're treating your daughter as a human being, I would call that selfish. I think a lot of parents have trouble viewing their kids are full different human beings because of the emotional baggage and what they mean about them.

Edit: Come to think about it, I suppose a lot of people probably just think of the religious model ("What does God tell me to do here?") of parenting as a fail safe since there's little certainty in raising kids. But I am getting a little off topic, so I'll just say that like you I respect lubella's coming here, though I think the moralistic route will be ineffective in helping her daughter--that's what relevant.

The fact that she even came here and asked about it shows that she's thinking about it pretty deeply, and perhaps looking for viewpoints outside the ones that would be found in her community. I commend that.

I agree.

[KaleidoskopicVision]

For the people saying that what her daughter is doing is wrong, dirty, shameful, reprehensible, dangerous or otherwise not a good thing to do, what constructive advice do you have for lubella? Reinforcing her negative perception of her daughter just doesn't constitute constructive advice and leaves her where she started when she posted this thread.

That way she will at least have some good advice from both sides.

[Anthoneee]

Originally Posted by SnerpGoodWord

Yup - depression, drugs, estranged from her family. Nothing wrong there. Everything's peachy keen. Fabulous in fact

What we were hearing about is just the consequences of the way porn is made. You can't divorce the moral issues around porn from the actual real-world impact on the people involved.

Some people can see both the equal amounts of good and bad in every action, object, person, etc and transcend morality, and no longer make judgments of right/wrong, good/bad.

What you are saying is that you personally cannot divorce the moral issue from porn, which is ultimately your choice, not mine. This goes for the rest of the things you mentioned, there is good to be found in drugs, there is good to be found in being separated from those who do not love you for who you are, there is good to be found even in depression - you just cannot see it yet. When you find the equal balance of good and bad in everything, there is no purpose of morality. She is simply having sex for others to watch, consuming what she wishes, and basically living her life as she desires - and aren't we all living our life as we desire?

[SnerpGoodWord]

Originally Posted by KaleidoskopicVision

For the people saying that what her daughter is doing is wrong, dirty, shameful, reprehensible, dangerous or otherwise not a good thing to do, what constructive advice do you have for lubella? Reinforcing her negative perception of her daughter just doesn't constitute constructive advice and leaves her where she started when she posted this thread.

That way she will at least have some good advice from both sides.

I would say she should visit her daughter, since her daughter seems unwilling to come to her.

[joelr]

Christianity is religion, not spirituality. Christianity teaches many things that go against spirituality but that's for a different thread.

Your daughter is now old enough that she can make her own choices about sex and making judgments about her only makes things worse. There may be verses in your bible that prohibit types of sex but there are also passages that speak against making judgments on others. Mosiah 29 for one.
How can you be so righteous in the name of Xianity while ignoring parts of it's message?
Some people would call you a pervert for having sex in any position besides missionary "Gods intended" sexual position they would say.
It's really just subjective. Your daughter considers porn to be an acceptable part of sexuality, your labels (perverted) are your beliefs but they are NOT universal, if you force them on others you'll just end up losing them. You don't have to like it but you have to deal with it in a grown up way. Giving the silent treatment is for 7th grade girls.

Jesus accepted prostitutes into his company. Which Christian deity are you claiming to be where you can forbid your own daughter from your presence?

[secondevolution]

Originally Posted by beast

I don't think you need to forgive her, because there's nothing to forgive. She is an adult, choosing to engage in a legal, lucrative profession which she enjoys. That is a good thing!

Yeah, I'm sure recalling the time a bunch of sweaty guys jerked all over you is a great story for the grandkids!

Anyway, OP, I do feel for you. I don't have kids of my own but I can understand why you would be ashamed of your daughter's profession. Porn is a quite literally a dirty business, and its not something we expect to associate with our family and friends. However, as posters have said, she's legally an adult now and free to make her own decisions. The more you resist, the more she'll pull away and possibly delve deeper into the industry. If you truly believe in the word of Christ, then you will know full well that "let he who is without sin, cast the first stone". You should be there for your daughter, as a mother, and more importantly, as a friend. You don't have to condone what she's doing, just be there for her when she needs someone to confide in. I know you don't want to lose her, so why do anything that will push her away?

Also, is it mere coincidence that your daughter, who I assume had a Christian upbringing, has decided to become a porn-star? Sounds like she could be rebelling, to me, and crying for attention on some level.

[Cado]

Originally Posted by secondevolution

Also, is it mere coincidence that your daughter, who I assume had a Christian upbringing, has decided to become a porn-star? Sounds like she could be rebelling, to me, and crying for attention on some level.

If I had a pair of tits that's probably what I would have done.

Conservative religion will **** a kid up. I say that as a former 7 year old who lost sleep because he was afraid of Satan. If she ain't doing this for the love of the craft then her issues run deep and she's gonna need your love and understanding, not your condemnation-and let me warn you, her beliefs may have to venture away from Christianity (if they haven't already) for her to be healed.

[Rezzy7]

Originally Posted by secondevolution

Yeah, I'm sure recalling the time a bunch of sweaty guys jerked all over you is a great story for the grandkids!

Because, surely we'll tell the grandkids at the first opportunity!

I'd be most concerned about the depression and drugs. Best of luck, lubella. It's a tough one, I'm sure.

[lubella]

Thanks for all the responses. I came on this post because I was looking for a mother support group since I could not find one locally. I understand that she has her own life, I understand that people are different and have different morals. That is not why I am here. I needed some guidance in how to cope. I can't disown my daughter nor do I want to. I just want to do the right thing spiritually not the right thing according to society. I choose to believe in God and that is how I choose to live life same with my daughter. She says she prays to God 3 times a day. I am human and I DO make mistakes, I realize that and never said I didn't. This blog was for me not her, I need the advise, guidance, etc. So some of you accused me of judging, well you were judging me also. So, maybe this was the wrong place to come to for what I was looking for. Every one here told me what I already knew, I don't what to hear that porn is acceptable or NORMAL, if that is what YOU believe than so be it. Don't try to tell me that it is ok. Lets see if YOUR daughter was doing it how you would feel. No one can give me advise except for the mothers that actually have daughters in this situation and that is what I was looking for.