Guy being really sweet is not enough?

[BellyGirl]

I'm dating someone now for 5 mths now. and he's really sweet sweet sweet.

However he felt he's really too bsuy with his work to see me often enough and he asked me to make a choice. i decided to take a step back on the relationship, one notch down towards friendship.

Although we are like friends now, there's a feeling of emotional intimacy between us. we give each other a lot of emotional support. We confide in each other at our problems and we express appreciation for each other. And he still remains genuinely sweet to me, asks me out and cares about my personal issues. and that is despite that i have told him that i want to stop having sex with him until i feel more sure about him.

i guess i feel touched by his concern and sweetness and it is beginning to make me feel that he does not deserve to be rejected sexually.

And I ask myself when can I be "sure". I myself do not know. I think i need more signs of certainty from him about our relationship, than just being "Sweet" and "Caring".

i notice sometimes that he is such a caring guy that he has trouble protecting his own needs. And i have to be really sensitive and be the person to protect HIS boundary, between us !!!

My dad has the same givegivegive nature. and my mom take take take but unlike me, she's never appreciative of him. And I feel so sad for my dad. So I vow to be continually appreciative of my partner.

It makes me wonder if he is being careful to commit to a relationship, cos his nature can be easily taken advantage of. I think with his caring nature, once he commits, it would be a big deal for him.

i'm thinking of being patient and follow his pace in the relationship. I treasure a man who is so gentle and big-hearted.

FRom your experience, what are the possible progress signs in a relationship like this?

Do you know any one like this?

[KaleidoskopicVision]

Possible progress is a really solid relationship based on genuinely caring for one another. No need to rush to expressing that sexually. When the timing is right it will happen. Take a leap of faith

[spacecadetglow]

Ok, he's sweet, but maybe you're just not that into him.

[BellyGirl]

Originally Posted by spacecadetglow

Ok, he's sweet, but maybe you're just not that into him.

i'm not?

i am !

[ButterflyWoman]

I had a friend like that. Very good friend, could talk to him about all kinds of stuff, very sweet guy, smart. And, oh, yeah, we had sex sometimes, too. I believe the term for this is "friends with benefits". It might be worth considering.

[The Cloud]

Originally Posted by BellyGirl

i guess i feel touched by his concern and sweetness and it is beginning to make me feel that he does not deserve to be rejected sexually.

What he deserves, if he knows what's good for him, is a woman that wants to have sex with him. It's demeaning for a man to be in a position where he receives sex as a reward for good behavior, especially since a really good man will behave well even without a reward.

So don't base your decision to have sex with him on whether he "deserves" it. Either do it because it's good for you, or don't, because if he's a good man then what he deserves is a woman who becomes a better person because she is with him.

[BellyGirl]

Originally Posted by The Cloud

What he deserves, if he knows what's good for him, is a woman that wants to have sex with him. It's demeaning for a man to be in a position where he receives sex as a reward for good behavior, especially since a really good man will behave well even without a reward.

So don't base your decision to have sex with him on whether he "deserves" it. Either do it because it's good for you, or don't, because if he's a good man then what he deserves is a woman who becomes a better person because she is with him.

I don't understand this....

Let me think about it for a while.

[taylor]

If I understand correctly..

Maybe when he commits it means something to him that he can't currently fulfill with his career taking up so much time. He obviously cares about you but maybe he feels like he would be taking advantage of you to put you in a serious relationship with him when he can't really be there for you right now. If you want a sexual committed relationship maybe you have to reassure him that you'll be fine with the limited time he can give. Or FWB. Just an idea.

[BellyGirl]

Originally Posted by The Cloud

What he deserves, if he knows what's good for him, is a woman that wants to have sex with him. It's demeaning for a man to be in a position where he receives sex as a reward for good behavior, especially since a really good man will behave well even without a reward.

So don't base your decision to have sex with him on whether he "deserves" it. Either do it because it's good for you, or don't, because if he's a good man then what he deserves is a woman who becomes a better person because she is with him.

ok i get you.

i have to be true to myself and not do something out of guilt. that's the best thing i can do for him is to let him know how he's made my life better.

[BellyGirl]

Originally Posted by taylor

If I understand correctly..

Maybe when he commits it means something to him that he can't currently fulfill with his career taking up so much time. He obviously cares about you but maybe he feels like he would be taking advantage of you to put you in a serious relationship with him when he can't really be there for you right now. If you want a sexual committed relationship maybe you have to reassure him that you'll be fine with the limited time he can give. Or FWB. Just an idea.

what you say make me tear in my eyes.

i think what you say is probably true.

i have to think seriously what is it i want from him.

I think I want him, more than i want his time....