Attractiveness, dating, supplying inner answers from a Subjective Reality Perspective

[PrimaryErn]

So here is my question about social life and dating – but as framed in an intention manifestation, subjective universe “technology” question.

I tend to suffer from nice-guy-it is; essentially, that every lady I form a relationship with loves me like a brother but not romantically. I’ve currently got 3-4 close lady friends who all basically treat me as their gay man boyfriend – I’m considered ‘safe’ and ‘harmless’ in that respect and they wouldn’t want to date me because they might ‘lose the relationship we have”. It’s an old story. I’ve read plenty about ways to address this objectively – to change personality traits to appear more as a lover choice and less as a friend – so I know that angle and we don’t really need to address it here. Needless to say it isn’t working taking that tack anyway.

My question is: If I’m to reframe my thinking in order to deal with this, how does the subjective universe model fit in? Subjectively the argument is I’m creating this, but the amount of pain I’m dealing with in not having women treat me as romantic partner is so high – and my desire to have this not be this way is so high – I can’t understand where the manifestation comes that cements my universe this way. I seriously am not aware of that much thinking that says “I don’t deserve this” or “it’s a law of my universe that women do not like me in this fashion in this reality” – even though that seems to be the case, in my reality.

So some questions would be:
1. If I’m unconsciously willing this reality, how they heck do you change that? I can change my conscious thought patterns (or at least disrupt negative ones), but I don’t have a clue for the unconscious ones.
2. For what reason could I possibly be willing this horrible experience on myself? Surely, if I’m choosing this subjective reality, there is a benefit to me somewhere? What is the benefit? If I can identify the benefit, maybe I can remodel the thinking.
3. If – here’s the tricky one – I need to work as(paraphrasing Steve’s blog post about Subjective reality and italicizing changes):
“If you want to address the issue of you not being attractive to women in the world, you can only do so by turning within. Go to work on the you not being attractive to women in the world within you, and strive to become a person who is being attractive to women in the world.”
…what the heck do you do when the thing you need to become is so elusive?

This leads to my big question (which has ramifications outside my mundane ‘not getting laid’ issue):
If I subjectively create the world; and I feel a need to change things; shouldn’t I already know how? It’s my universe. Shouldn’t the answers lie within me? And if I don’t have the answers, why is that? AM I stopping myself from finding the answers? Why would I DO such a thing?

I’m a little testy – I met a fabulous woman, who I do amazing work with (we’re a comedy duo), who wants to spend all of her free time with me (dinners, hanging out, chatting, partying) but only as friends (or as me in the gay boyfriend role) – and it’s driving me maaaaaaad and searing with frustration.

[gijsbert2002]

Originally Posted by PrimaryErn

So here is my question about social life and dating – but as framed in an intention manifestation, subjective universe “technology” question.

I tend to suffer from nice-guy-it is; essentially, that every lady I form a relationship with loves me like a brother but not romantically. I’ve currently got 3-4 close lady friends who all basically treat me as their gay man boyfriend – I’m considered ‘safe’ and ‘harmless’ in that respect and they wouldn’t want to date me because they might ‘lose the relationship we have”. It’s an old story. I’ve read plenty about ways to address this objectively – to change personality traits to appear more as a lover choice and less as a friend – so I know that angle and we don’t really need to address it here. Needless to say it isn’t working taking that tack anyway.

My question is: If I’m to reframe my thinking in order to deal with this, how does the subjective universe model fit in? Subjectively the argument is I’m creating this, but the amount of pain I’m dealing with in not having women treat me as romantic partner is so high – and my desire to have this not be this way is so high – I can’t understand where the manifestation comes that cements my universe this way. I seriously am not aware of that much thinking that says “I don’t deserve this” or “it’s a law of my universe that women do not like me in this fashion in this reality” – even though that seems to be the case, in my reality.

So some questions would be:
1. If I’m unconsciously willing this reality, how they heck do you change that? I can change my conscious thought patterns (or at least disrupt negative ones), but I don’t have a clue for the unconscious ones.
2. For what reason could I possibly be willing this horrible experience on myself? Surely, if I’m choosing this subjective reality, there is a benefit to me somewhere? What is the benefit? If I can identify the benefit, maybe I can remodel the thinking.
3. If – here’s the tricky one – I need to work as(paraphrasing Steve’s blog post about Subjective reality and italicizing changes):
“If you want to address the issue of you not being attractive to women in the world, you can only do so by turning within. Go to work on the you not being attractive to women in the world within you, and strive to become a person who is being attractive to women in the world.”
…what the heck do you do when the thing you need to become is so elusive?

This leads to my big question (which has ramifications outside my mundane ‘not getting laid’ issue):
If I subjectively create the world; and I feel a need to change things; shouldn’t I already know how? It’s my universe. Shouldn’t the answers lie within me? And if I don’t have the answers, why is that? AM I stopping myself from finding the answers? Why would I DO such a thing?

I’m a little testy – I met a fabulous woman, who I do amazing work with (we’re a comedy duo), who wants to spend all of her free time with me (dinners, hanging out, chatting, partying) but only as friends (or as me in the gay boyfriend role) – and it’s driving me maaaaaaad and searing with frustration.

1. If you change you're conscious thought patterns, you will find that your unconscious thought patterns will change also, it does require however, a bit of willpower.

2. you are assuming it will not be going right and therefore it isn't going right. If you stop thinking about all this and start assuming and feeling like everything is going like it should it will, but usually in a different way.
Maybe you find a different girl, maybe your interest will fade, maybe what you hope for will happen, but I wouldn't count on it.

3. You're thinking about what you need to change into. All you need to do is assume you already are attractive. Women will already like you, but the fact that you do not acknowledge you're attractive is breaking you up. If a girl keeps talking to you, she finds you attractive. Believe that, act like that and it will be true. Especially in a subjective world.

[Mayo]

Women are finding you attractive if you find your self attractive (not to put into narcissistic view). You need to become go-getter, self-aware and kind. There are some aphrodisiacs that women like (of any age!) and that is striving for success (mental, monetary, physical) now this does not mean you have to get that MM, Ferrari or body like Arnold... you don't have to be champion in anything but you should strive to achieve more than you have (all the qualities from material to spiritual). This does not include artificiality because that is false, you must be true to your self and to others.
Also it is great to be cute! (^_^) But by being cute you will hang dry... you need also that masculinity, the certain jazz that will get her to chase you and not the vice versa..

[Brutha]

What could I possibly gain from creating a world where women treat me in such a fashion?

Wrong question.
It is not a matter of something being in some why undesireable.
It also focuses on scarcity.

[happygirl]

Hey, I hope I can help a little with your confidence about this matter from my own experience.

IMO I think you are blessed to have so many close relationships with women around you who feel so at ease with you that they want to hang out and spend lots of time with you. I can understand your frustration that you want things to go further because of the great friendship and also attraction that you feel. But I really think you should carry on as you are and not worry too much about it because I feel that what you are doing at the moment is setting up a perfect situation for a soul mate connection and eventually one of them is sure to realise you are the man of her dreams.

I had a friend who I also thought of as a brother or a gay friend (as you put it) and I felt so comfortable with him like I could tell him anything and could trust him with anything, which I could. We have been friends for 14 years in all now and when we got together it was the most amazing experience ever like no relationship Ive had before (or since). We are not together at the moment due to various issues, but he is still a very close friend (even though we live in separate countries for now) and always will be my soul mate and possible future husband...

Sorry to ramble...but my point is I really do think that you must be an amazing person to have girls behave like that with you and relate to you so well and feel so comfortable with you. Trust me, many guys don`t have that natural vibe with women that makes them feel understood and relaxed. I think you should not try and be something you aren`t and be happy that you can have these great connections. Something will come of it one day soon, just don`t be on the lookout too much for it and it will happen naturally I`m sure.

Keep being how you are coz you sound great!! ;-)

happygirl
x

[uberinquisitive]

I'm a girl, so this is my perspective...

Girls don't mind nice guys. It's the "everything-to-every-girl" guys that turn girls off, because they come off as bland.

If you want to get the girl...learn to market yourself better.
If you want to keep the girl...develop yourself into a better person.
If you can't get her attention, then how will she ever know how awesome you are?

I have a male friend who is AWESOME. But, I'm not attracted to him. My friend doesn't market himself in a way that attracts me, so he won't "get" me romantically. But, he will keep me as a friend because he is a great person.

My current boyfriend is the prototypical nice guy: shy, soft-spoken, maybe even a bit girly. Some men might even consider him wimpy. But, he markets himself in a way that appeals to me: he is incredibly stylish, and plays up his shyness in a way that makes him really cute and puppy-ish. Now, I don't know him extremely well, but if he continues being a great person, he will keep me as a girlfriend.

Figure out what type of girlfriend you'd like. And then try to imagine, "what sort of boyfriend does this girl want?" You have to gain focus. You can't try to be appealing to all women, because then you won't get any.

[wulph]

Originally Posted by PrimaryErn

I tend to suffer from nice-guy-it is; essentially, that every lady I form a relationship with loves me like a brother but not romantically. ... I’ve read plenty about ways to address this objectively ... so I know that angle and we don’t really need to address it here.

My question is: If I’m to reframe my thinking in order to deal with this, how does the subjective universe model fit in?

If I subjectively create the world; and I feel a need to change things; shouldn’t I already know how? It’s my universe. Shouldn’t the answers lie within me? And if I don’t have the answers, why is that? AM I stopping myself from finding the answers? Why would I DO such a thing?

Ernie,

Have you made any progress with this dilemma? What can you share about trying to address a situation like this with subjective reality?

[Rockchick26]

I am going to offer a different perspective which i'm sure some of you will think is shallow,but its reality,and its been my experience also. I too have only been able to attract men AS FRIENDS...and 2 of my best male friends both turned out to be gay. How is it that i attract these men and not men who want me? I think it all comes down to how attractive you are,physically. This is where people will disagree with me,but i have ASKED guys why they didnt want me and i was told i was "ugly" (yes one guy told me this),i did get the typical "youre too much like a sister to me",well you know what,THAT is a nice way of saying "i like your personality only,not your looks". Thats how i feel about guys that i only like as friends,so i think it applies to both genders. Think about it honestly,men and women; all the people you like sexually are always more attractive than the ones you just think of in a friend way.

[Fullcrum]

If you really want to know...

Follow these religiously.

1. Amuse yourself. You do not entertain other people. Entertain yourself, always.

2. Project a sexual state. And create desire in your own body for the girl.

Go out three days a week and talk to five girls a night, and push every interaction until they may blow you off or sex (IF that is what you're seeking, if not then go to your desired goal).

Have fun! Hope this helps!

[wulph]

Originally Posted by Fullcrum

2. Project a sexual state. And create desire in your own body for the girl.

Can you elaborate on this? Projecting a sexual state... that sounds like an important point that I'm not getting.

[Fullcrum]

Ok, I don't believe in being fake or ingenuine in any way. So I'll only do that to girls I feel sexually attracted to. And I'll just verbalize that. It's fun for me. Fun.

If it's not fun for you, reframe it. Realize that most of the more "awakened" individuals in our society find EVERYTHING FUNNY. Everything in the world is funny. That is a natural consequence of a state of no-thought when your body feels really good.

With that said, I'll see a girl I find attractive and just verbalize it. And feel it in my body. I might think about sexing her. Whatever. I do it Unapologetically. Loudly and confidently. I wasn't always like this. I IDENTIFIED what I wanted and ALIGNED every ounce of my being with what I wanted. Then I go for it. Like, remove everything in my perception that would not allow me to get it. "Eye on the ball."

You can do this. It's easy. It's fun. If you want it, you can do it. Realize that you are a CONSCIOUS BEING and that at all times YOU CHOOSE the way to act. There are no jail bars or security guards with guns stopping you from thinking, acting, and BEING a different person from who you are now. You could change - zzzap - one day if you so chose to. It could happen if you wanted it bad enough. It happened to Eckhart Tolle (for example).

If you know that doing something is right and want to do something or know you want something but know that something else is blocking you...it's delusion. There is technically NOTHING blocking you.

I amuse myself with everyone. I project sexual state with girls I'm attracted to. It's a combination of physical appearance and their energy/confidence that I perceive that determines if I want to project that and take it to that level.

Hope this helps!