Some advice on dealing with people...

[Smarky]

Become genuinely interested in other people. Don't try to impress others. Let them impress you. Be a good listener. You can have a greater effect on others by the way that you listen than by the way that you talk. People are most interested in themselves. If you share that interest, they will respond.

The greatest hunger that people have is to be needed, wanted and loved. Help create those feelings in others. People love attention, affection and appreciation.

Seek first to understand then to be understood. Everybody wants to be understood. Don’t interrupt. Others won’t pay attention to you until they’ve had there own say. Don't assume you know there position on something, until they agree that you do.

Be yourself. No one can make everyone happy. A fake relationship has zero value.

Never criticize, condemn or complain. People very rarely criticize themselves, no matter how wrong they may be. Your criticism will not be welcome. Criticism puts others on the defensive, hurts self-esteem and builds resentment.

Avoid arguments: you can only lose. The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it. Most arguments end with each contestant more certain of their opinions and less willing to change them and even if you win, you hurt the pride of the loser and the loser may resent you for it.

Choose to be kind rather than right. All blame is a waste of time. No matter how much fault you find with another, and regardless of how much you blame him, it will not change you. The only thing blame does is to keep the focus off you when you are looking for external reasons to explain your unhappiness or frustration. You may succeed in making another feel guilty about something by blaming him, but you won’t succeed in changing whatever it is about you that is making you unhappy.

Listen to others’ concerns/complaints, you will ease tension and build relationships. Be eager to hear from those who may complain about you or those you represent, however wrong those complaints may be. Thank them for bringing up their concerns, be genuinely grateful as this is your greatest source of improvement.

Is anyone a little happier because I came along today? The greatest gift you can give someone is to make them smile. There is nothing worth more than to make someone smile.

Smile. Greet others with enthusiasm and animation. A smile tells others that you like them and are glad to see them.

To have a friend, you must be one.

Be a good finder, catch people doing things right rather than wrong.

We are all we have, we are all from the same tribe. If we could read the secret history of our enemies, we should find in each man's life sorrow and suffering enough to disarm any hostility. Everyone is just trying to do the best they can with what they believe to be true.

We merely observe the actions and choices of others, we can not make demands upon that, but must allow everyone to function as they wish with no need from us to try and understand or influence. A true friend makes no demands on others. We must live in our own reality but allow the reality of others to exist also.

What you do is not nearly as important as how it makes people feel.

Learn to like yourself. Others will respond to you the way you respond to yourself.

Be enthusiastic. Nothing significant was ever achieved without enthusiasm - including deep, rich human relationships. Be positive. Positive people attract others; negative people repel others.

There is no value in judging others poorly and no matter how much fault you find with another, and regardless of how much you blame them, it will not change you. There are no justified resentments. If we could read the secret history of our enemies, we should find in each life sorrow, suffering and a series of bad choices that are enough to disarm any hostility.

No act of kindness, no matter how small, is ever wasted but if you give in order to receive you are merely trading.

Allow people to do things for you, give them the gift of being able to give to you.

Help people like themselves. The greatest compliment someone can give you is to say, I like myself better when I'm with you.

Key points
- Be genuinely interested in other people
- Listening is more important than talking.
- People want to feel important, understood, wanted, needed and loved.
- What you do is not nearly as important as how it makes people feel
- We can only observe others, we can't control or place demands on them
- Never criticize, condemn or argue, always seek understanding and then show you understand them.
- Make people feel good. Find the good in them, can they say "I like myself better when I'm with you?"

[Shamou]

Good post Smarky... you've been doing your homework...

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[{aspiring_to_clarity}]

Originally Posted by Smarky

You may succeed in making another feel guilty about something by blaming him, but you won’t succeed in changing whatever it is about you that is making you unhappy.

There is no value in judging others poorly and no matter how much fault you find with another, and regardless of how much you blame them, it will not change you. There are no justified resentments. If we could read the secret history of our enemies, we should find in each life sorrow, suffering and a series of bad choices that are enough to disarm any hostility.

No act of kindness, no matter how small, is ever wasted but if you give in order to receive you are merely trading.

I just wanted to let you know your words are very helpful. I have taken a lot to think on from your post. I am glad you took the time. Thanks.

[ondrej]

Thanks.

I was happy to read your post from the first word to the last one.

[GeorgeJ72]

Great post. I see a lot of Dale Carnegie in there

[NathanSII]

Never criticize, condemn or argue, always seek understanding and then show you understand them.

Can't stress how important that is. The part about always seeking to understand - applies especially to women. Men try to solve problems instead of trying to understand.

[Freelancer]

Really awesome post right here, I'm going to print it out and study it again.

Never criticize, condemn or complain. People very rarely criticize themselves, no matter how wrong they may be. Your criticism will not be welcome. Criticism puts others on the defensive, hurts self-esteem and builds resentment.

A way of critisizing others without actually putting them into a difficult spot is explaining there problem from your perspective. In other words instead of saying;
You do this and this wrong
You say;
I've always done this and this wrong and this is how I solved it.

Don't even hint thats it about them. If they have half a brain than they'll start thinking about it although they might not say it.
This is in line with the rest of the text, the goal is to help HIM discover how to improve himself. You are not part of the equation here, the goal is to help him not yourself. Although you might get something back unexpected because of this. If you don't get anything back from this its fine as well, it only costs you words and some time.

This has to be done subtle, its basically a way of getting past there own defenses so you can help them out, another way is asking questions why they are doing certain actions. Asking questions however can quickly become offensive if your getting to personal.

[introspective1]

Thanks, Smarky! Your words made my day

[bsitto]

I have a question for all:

If a friend is there for you emotionally (long talks, advice, complete understanding mentally, motivated and go getter like me). BUT, they're not there for you physically (hanging out on the weekends, work out together, or just a person to spend time with when you are just plain bored and want some company). This person claims to be your best friend but you feel constantly let down especially during the weekends. Do you let this person move on from your life even though you click so well with them, better than with most?? Or do I have a right to up my standards to someone more willing to meet all my needs a a friend (emotionally and physically)??

Any feedback is appreciated!!

[Freelancer]

Originally Posted by bsitto

I have a question for all:

If a friend is there for you emotionally (long talks, advice, complete understanding mentally, motivated and go getter like me). BUT, they're not there for you physically (hanging out on the weekends, work out together, or just a person to spend time with when you are just plain bored and want some company). This person claims to be your best friend but you feel constantly let down especially during the weekends. Do you let this person move on from your life even though you click so well with them, better than with most?? Or do I have a right to up my standards to someone more willing to meet all my needs a a friend (emotionally and physically)??

Any feedback is appreciated!!

If he is your best friend how much time do you think he should spend with you?

[Zen Master]

wow... I am bookmarking this one!