Effectively communicating your (platonic) disinterest

[marimeto]

We meet people every day and often exchange contact information. Particularly with facebook and texting, we allow people to be at seemingly appropriate distance in an effort to network and grow. People we barely know enter our lives in a way that older generations would consider pretty invasive.

I'm getting overwhelmed with the number of contacts that are more than that - contacts. I'd like to remain friendly with all of these people. I don't want to be friends.

Being clear is paramount. Socially acceptable, tantamount. I'm trying to retain these people as resources. I don't like pretending to be busy until people go away or anything that isn't the truth. I'd rather give them the courtesy of certainty. 'I'm here to help you when I can and I hope for the same.'

I'm very new here but I've been consistently impressed with the replies so, how do you set boundaries?

[vytas80]

Face-time is the main thing that draws the line between casual contacts or acquaintancies and close friends/family or intimate partners. People who we spend most time with eventually become our circle. Job related face-time doesn't count because we usually have less choice whom we work with.

So just watch whom you are spending your off-the-work time with and give it sparingly to people you are not interested in to connect emotionaly. The difference between your close friends and your casual cotacts is which ones would you invite for a BBQ in your backyard. My 2 cents.

[brendannz]

I don't think you can effectively communicate this. You can only really say you're busy instead. You can't just break it down and say "I only want to spend this portion of time with you, because you're a B-Grade friend"

Some things just have to remain un-communicated..