Women: How much does height matter?

[Metatron]

I have had some up and down success since I started dating again last year. The one constant I notice is that I seem to have no chance with women my height or taller. I know at least one was interested last year, but she told me that it wouldn't work out because of the height difference (her being one inch taller).

I was recently set up on a blind date with a woman I get along really well with. We have been texting and talking on the phone for two weeks since our first date (we've been too busy to hang out in that time), and she invited me on our second date(?) for today. We did lunch, a movie, dinner, and then drinks and food at a show we went to. She let me pay for about 80% of that, so I assumed we were on a date. If it's a date then I don't mind paying for everything. If it's a friend thing, then I'm all for splitting it.

Late in the day we talked about the matchmaking service that introduced us. She said she was a little dubious about how they ran things because she asked for someone over 6 feet and I was not. She said she thought it wouldn't be fair to her or me because there just wouldn't be chemistry between us and we would both feel uncomfortable. Uhhh, speak for yourself. She's an inch shorter than me too. She apparently told them all this BEFORE we met, but still, why tell me that now unless she still felt that way?

I'm no longer certain I was on a date for the last 10 hours.

I am 5'9" (and a half, I think). I have never felt short in my life until the last few months!

Ladies, how important is height?

I've asked a broad spectrum of women I am friends with ranging from the overly material and vapid to open-minded, enlightened and progressive. 100% of them said they would not date a guy their height or shorter. The two most common answers were "I'd feel like I couldn't wear heels" and a most of them said "women want to feel like they're protected and it just works better with a bigger guy". I know women who are like 5'3 who will only date guys over 6 feet.

Needless to say, I am fascinated. I like women of all shapes and sizes but I guess that's not common in everyone.

Women: What's you opinion? No judgement from me. I'd just really like to know!

Men: Are you intimidated by taller women? Does it make you feel diminished in any way?

Everyone: What do you think of my situation with the blind date woman? Very confused. I guess I'll just ask her directly. If we are just going to be friends, then I need to focus more time on other potential dates!

Thanks for reading another one of my essays!

[Asten]

Men: Are you intimidated by taller women? Does it make you feel diminished in any way?

Absolutely, and because I'm a whopping 5'1" (seriously), that's kind of an issue since 98% of the girls I run into are taller. LOL

It's one I'm trying to get over, but the fact is I just don't feel like much of a guy if the girl is bigger than I am. Whether that's society or instinct talking, I don't know.

That said, I've been surprised by the number of women that have been interested in me lately--and all of them are taller than I am, ranging from just a few inches to significantly taller. I don't know what signal I'm sending out, but it's getting attention from a wide variety of people, and my height doesn't seem to deter them.

However, my friend has a girl he's interested in who won't date him, because he's shorter than she is, and I've heard lots of women pull the "I can't wear heels" card.

So, I think it varies. I suspect it does bother a lot of women, but if it does, then so be it, right? There are lots of women out there.

As for blind-date woman, I agree--just ask her directly.

[beast]

If I'm going to be honest, I'm 5'5, and I don't think I have ever been attracted to men my height or shorter (men my height are fairly rare, though)- I'd have no complaints with your height at all. And, one of the most physically stunning girls I've ever seen in my life dated a man who's gorgeous, charming, and 5'4, so I definitely think shorter men can compensate.

[Gals]

Originally Posted by Metatron

I have had some up and down success since I started dating again last year. The one constant I notice is that I seem to have no chance with women my height or taller. I know at least one was interested last year, but she told me that it wouldn't work out because of the height difference (her being one inch taller).

I was recently set up on a blind date with a woman I get along really well with. We have been texting and talking on the phone for two weeks since our first date (we've been too busy to hang out in that time), and she invited me on our second date(?) for today. We did lunch, a movie, dinner, and then drinks and food at a show we went to. She let me pay for about 80% of that, so I assumed we were on a date. If it's a date then I don't mind paying for everything. If it's a friend thing, then I'm all for splitting it.

Late in the day we talked about the matchmaking service that introduced us. She said she was a little dubious about how they ran things because she asked for someone over 6 feet and I was not. She said she thought it wouldn't be fair to her or me because there just wouldn't be chemistry between us and we would both feel uncomfortable. Uhhh, speak for yourself. She's an inch shorter than me too. She apparently told them all this BEFORE we met, but still, why tell me that now unless she still felt that way?

I'm no longer certain I was on a date for the last 10 hours.

I am 5'9" (and a half, I think). I have never felt short in my life until the last few months!

Ladies, how important is height?

I've asked a broad spectrum of women I am friends with ranging from the overly material and vapid to open-minded, enlightened and progressive. 100% of them said they would not date a guy their height or shorter. The two most common answers were "I'd feel like I couldn't wear heels" and a most of them said "women want to feel like they're protected and it just works better with a bigger guy". I know women who are like 5'3 who will only date guys over 6 feet.

Needless to say, I am fascinated. I like women of all shapes and sizes but I guess that's not common in everyone.

Women: What's you opinion? No judgement from me. I'd just really like to know!

Men: Are you intimidated by taller women? Does it make you feel diminished in any way?

Everyone: What do you think of my situation with the blind date woman? Very confused. I guess I'll just ask her directly. If we are just going to be friends, then I need to focus more time on other potential dates!

Thanks for reading another one of my essays!

Hi Metatron, I wouldn't mind reading 'essays' of this length if it is this entertaining.

Anyway, as a woman, I personally, height is never really a big factor in choosing a date or a bf. I mean, my ex and my constant date before, where not really that tall. Perhaps because I'm quite tall for an Asian and quite modelly (tall and slim) in built. I'm 5'5''

I wouldn't mind dating a man not taller than me. If we are level on the same height, then that's alright for me. What matters most for me is the guy's presentability and his personality--we should get along well and there's love and mutual respect.

The 2 men who were romantically involved with me are just like the same height with me, but I think I just kind of looked taller.

For a 5'9" guy, for me you're not that short. That's just average--but it also depends on your built too

[lookcloser]

I definitely am biased towards taller guys. But if I happened to find a guy cool in other ways, then I don't care what height he is.

[Curtis2011]

In my experience it is very important to girls how tall you are.


Of course, it works both ways. I am 5'11 and I don't really find it attractive if a girl is as tall as me or taller. I would prefer 5'7 or shorter.

[lookcloser]

Originally Posted by Curtis2011

In my experience it is very important to girls how tall you are.


Of course, it works both ways. I am 5'11 and I don't really find it attractive if a girl is as tall as me or taller. I would prefer 5'7 or shorter.

Yeah I've heard guys say that it makes them feel 'tiny'

[Elrond]

I don't get the people that saying that really tall, like perhaps 6 and a half feet and above, is attractive because all that jazz about "protection". It is my impression that really tall men, on average, have a skinny frame. I don't see those as intimidating. Only thing is that they are harder to fight against in a fist fight, because their arms are longer.

[votoshka]

Hmm well I'm 4'11" and would I date a guy my height or shorter, well errm unless he was a double amputee probably not! Just being honest here Umm for starters, I don't meet many men shorter than me (I think really in order for a guy to BE shorter than me he'd probably have to be suffering from dwarfism or something, cause most really really short guys are still taller!)

That being said, I've only ever gone out with guys 6' or more... errm because I've never been asked out by anyone under 6' actually . Also though, it made sense genetically. I'd hate to have a kid with a short guy because the poor thing would end up teeny like me (as it is my kids are all short or on the short side, despite having a reasonably tall father... I know I should have married someone 6'3")!!

Umm...but that "issue" wouldn't exist if I was actually a normally statured woman of say, 5'4" or more... because I wouldn't be paranoid about having short kids.

Oh, and to me 5'9" or so isn't that bad I've just never been in a relationship with someone that height because I've honestly never been asked. I dunno why that is I think shortish guys tend to go for taller girls to be honest?? (Okay, or maybe I'm just an exception lol).

[votoshka]

Originally Posted by Elrond

I don't get the people that saying that really tall, like perhaps 6 and a half feet and above, is attractive because all that jazz about "protection". It is my impression that really tall men, on average, have a skinny frame. I don't see those as intimidating. Only thing is that they are harder to fight against in a fist fight, because their arms are longer.

Umm I dunno...most of the really tall guys I've known have had large frames actually, and I'm talking guys 6'5" or more... Some of them were really beefy and not a bit skinny or scrawny!

[marinik]

I'm 5'7" and yes I am bias embarrassed to say! I love 'em tall! At least 4".

[AlmostGodess]

I am interested in His Highness height. Simply because taller men make me look up But I would never dismiss a guy just because of his height. If a man is bold, brave and speaks fluently when I'm around, it is very likely I'd have a crush on him no matter the height.

I have noticed that both men and women have the tendency to "minimize" themselves, especially if they already think they don't have the right height. It is enough to queue once to notice this phenomenon: all kinds of body positions that show that person feels small.

[buckeye]

As a general rule, I think men feel intimidated by taller women
and women feel short changed with shorter men.
I'm 5'11". I get many guys who seem to want me physically but feel uncomfortable hanging out with me as a date.
It sucks that my dating pool is so limited (although I'm happily in relationship now, he's 6'3").
I must admit I can't really see a long term relationship with a shorter man but I wouldn't rule it out.

[taylor]

It's a fact: Short men don't stand a chance (dating, married, women) - Relationships -Dating, marriage, boyfriends, girlfriends, men, women, friends, attraction ... - City-Data Forum

That said I know plenty of short player/popular guys who do extremely well with girls. Height is only one factor, though perhaps the biggest when it comes to looks. I would think charisma is gonna win over everything though.

[lookcloser]

I think what makes many short men slightly unattractive to me is because they don't look very confident. Which is because of their height.

My ex boyfriend was just a couple inches taller than me, but he was very confident. He acted like a man. That's why I liked him

[Criseyde]

I'm 5'2" and I've only ever met one man shorter than me, and he's my cousin, so I don't really run into this problem. 5'9" would be plenty tall enough. I was once madly in love with a guy who was 5'7". I also know one guy who's probably 5'5" tops, but he's really cute and has this infectious smile, so he doesn't seem to have any trouble with it...

I like to think that I'd be open-minded and not dismiss a guy based on height, but I really don't know, because I've never been faced with it. One of my friends is also 5'2" and she won't date guys shorter than 6'2" or so. Even 6' is a little short to her. I think this is fairly unusual. Another of my friends is 5'10" and I know she's dated guys her height. I don't know about shorter.

Posture is a lot more important than height. Being hunched over all.the.time is the most unattractive thing in the world to me, but it's also fairly minor and easily fixed. No matter how tall (or short) you are, rock it.

I saw something the other day that warmed my little heart though -- a really tall (5'10"? 5'11"?) girl and a guy *maybe* 5'4", kissing on the stairs outside of the English building, the guy a step higher, of course.

[Indiana]

I'm 5'8" and my partner is only an inch taller than me (which I don't think is short). I asked him if it bothered him if I wore my ridiculous heels around him (which can add 4 inches to my height) and he didn't care, so we don't have any problems.

I've mostly dated men who are really tall - 6'2"+. I can't say that after the initial "Oh, I wonder if my height in heels will bother him" thought that my partner's height made a lick of difference.

I will be honest and say I would probably not be attracted to a guy significantly shorter than me though. I do say that mainly because I just never have been.

[Elrond]

I have been somewhat insecure about my height lately. I guess I'm 5"11 so it's a pretty self-made worry. I don't think I would like to date a woman taller than me, so if women wouldn't want to date someone taller than them, I guess the whole business works itself out pretty beautifully.


People say that men are intimidated by women taller that are them. What do they mean by "intimidated"?

[scotthegeek]

it will work against you to some degree but I think woman are more attractive to tall men because on a subconscious leave they feel like the man would be able to protect her. Its hard wired into her brain she has the find best protector and provider. So she is thinking bigger is better when it comes to height.

I think confidences can make up for height. I know this one guy I worked with and he not very tall but he is ex military we would be out drinking with guys after work and it did not matter which bar we went to he know all the waitresses by name and woman would come up to him and give him there number.

Scott

[SireneB]

I'm 5'4" and I prefer a guy around my height. Someone mentioned confidence, and it's true, makes a big difference - a lot of gymnasts seem to be around this height, and they exude physical confidence.

[Angelique]

Originally Posted by Elrond

I have been somewhat insecure about my height lately. I guess I'm 5"11 so it's a pretty self-made worry.

WTF? You crazy, Elrond.

[Indiana]

Originally Posted by Angelique

WTF? You crazy, Elrond.

Seconded, in the nicest way.

[Elrond]

Originally Posted by Angelique

WTF? You crazy, Elrond.

Originally Posted by Indiana

Seconded, in the nicest way.

Thanks . Yeah I know it's silly. It's pretty dang in the middle. Maybe I just think I would benefit from being tall sometime. Or maybe I was just subconsciously fishing for compliments

I have been for some reason thinking about it for a reasonable amount, and I seem to see very many people that are taller than me (quite some women, too), so much that I sometimes feel below average. Maybe it's just that thing that makes you see those things that you most focus upon.

My mother talked about one of my cousins today and remarked "you're taller than him" and I said, how is that better?. "well I guess you can see more in crowds of people", lol okay. She would always compare me and my friends to see who was taller when we were younger.

[Peter Bourke]

YouTube - Randy Newman - Short People

Despite what Randy Newman may say I like my women short.

Women who are as tall as I am (6'1") tend to seem incredibly and unattractively thin to me due to the length of their limbs.

[Weena]

I'm unsure how "important" it is. Though I'm petite already (I'm about 5'4") so I guess I am attracted by taller than me. I've dated quite a few giants (opposites are attracted). Only one who was smaller than me (then I felt like a giant...but I did not dump him because of his height, just because I found him terribly boring). I think my dear husband is about 5'10" and I find him absolutely perfect . When I hug him I can rest my head on the top of his chest .

[votoshka]

I actually think height really only matters for a guy if he's REALLY short. Like "OMG he's short" short (kinda like me but in a guy lol). But even then, I've known short guys (not much taller than me) who never seemed to have too much problem with women. I've certainly known "average guys" like 5'7" and taller, who haven't had a problem with women either! I think the problem is mostly in the mind!!

And yes, although I'm a woman and not a man, and thus the problem isn't as profound, I grew up reading fashion mags etc. and seeing all these TALL gorgeous women, and believing that tall = beautiful! It's only recently (like errm in the last couple of years or so) that I've started to even BELIEVE that some men find short women attractive!! So there ya go, my mindset was fully on the "men like tall women" track and it was true in my life insofar as I've never been asked out by many men and never had many relationships (I actually thought guys who wanted to go out with me were weird or had some strange fetish...seriously).

Sooo... the moral of the story is that most of the problem is in our minds only. If you look around out there at couples in the real world you see short guys who are happily married, or who are never short of female company, and you see the opposite too. I also believed that fat = unattractive, but guess what? There are also tons of overweight and obese people who are also in happy relationships and who don't have a problem attracting the opposite sex!!!

It's hard to remove those mental blocks though... or to convince yourself that they're just constructs and aren't real, especially when you are confronted by some sort of "evidence". But the evidence is usually just one person's opinion, and again isn't real! I mean, all it took is for one guy to say he likes a woman with long legs and it would reinforce for me that short = unattractive... but of course, it's just one guy's opinion (yeah other guys may feel the same way but they don't ALL feel the same way).

I knew an attractive taller girl (about 5'9" or so) who went out with a really hot guy of 5'4" (I had a bit of a crush on him too lol)... he used to work part time as a male stripper lol so he wasn't short of female attention either, despite the fact that he was short for a guy!

There's evidence on both sides if you want to see it... you just have to find evidence that works IN your favour instead of against it You WILL find women who are attracted to men YOUR height, and you WILL find women who are atttracted to YOU and who don't care at all about your height!

[Midwinter Mist]

It's one of the nightmares of my life and it has depressed me every day of my life...

I'm a male, somewhere around 5'6".

I swear the younger generations are getting taller too, including the girls, and the world loves to go on and on about it. Short people are weaker. Short people are inferior. They're this and they're that. God, it drives me insane...

Regarding protection? I can believe that girls feel bigger guys can better protect them. I've crossed it through my mind. Of course, if a guy is someone like Jet Li (the great Wushu champion), yeah, he's 5'6", but he'll make a mockery of men twice his height and build, so protection isn't a big deal in a (rare) case like that.

I think confidence plays a big part in all of this too, as other people have stated. It's going to be a whole lot worse if you're short and you show that it destroys your confidence. I've seen short guys get girls, sometimes lots and lots of them, but it's not a surprise that they are often very confident and happy with themselves. It shines through.

But as for me... eh... not just short but skinny too as I just can't seem to gain the damn weight. I feel like a man in a child's body sometimes, and I could never deny it, it really f's with my life, more so because I think I actually stunted my own growth when I stopped growing around 14 years old when I entered a deep depression and refused to feed and exercise my body and I never slept, and this lasted for years, then I started to lose my hair, and...whoops, I'm trailing away...

I feel uncomfortable around taller girls and I see them everywhere. My tallest girlfriend was 5'3". My shortest girlfriend was about 5'1" and quite slim, which made me feel better as I felt, well, like more of a man around her, lol. Plus, when I'm with somebody and it seems ok, I start getting over most of my issues with my height, which is good. But, everybody is different.

What I'd give to be 5'9".

[anniecooper]

To me, height matters. Way more than penis size lol.

I work with a lovely guy who has asked me out on multiple dates, buuuut when we're both barefoot he is exactly the same height as me, and i'm only 5'2". With heels on i tower over him, it makes me uncomfortable... like i have to be the "dominant" one..
I LOVE guys that are big and bulky and taller than me (islanders are my thing :P), i'm happy that i can say i am not a shallow person and always look into what a guy/girls personality has to offer me, but when it comes to guys i just cannot date someone shorter.

I could date a shorter girl, though.

[MissChic]

It matters to me. I am 5'8'' sans heels, and with them I can sometimes be 6 ft tall. I want to feel protected, but more than that, I want to feel "dainty." I guess it's an insecurity of mine. I've always seen men go gaga over women who are smaller or toy sized. I am not short, and I am definitely on the curvier end of things, so I think that I need a taller guy to reinforce my femininity.

[ginkgo]

Every woman is different just like every person is different. But they did a study of this with women that also involved intelligence, financial security and whether the guy was a criminal or not. Of these factors, height was the most important.

Some women believe that the man must be taller than the woman since that is the way it is supposed to be. Wilt Chamberlin wrote a book about how he had sex with over 20,000 women. He is 7'1".